Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Allan-Matlem, Jun 1, 2007.
There is a new site from Ross Greene and his Partner Dr Ablon. Pretty exciting
Allan, you beat me to it! It is very exciting!
Is there anyway to get the sd to read this??
I have bookmarked the site and passed the web address on to the principal of difficult child's school to share with his teachers and staff.
My vote goes to anything which gets the message out there that these kids need to be managed in a different way. When you assume someone is bad, your assumptions will prove correct. When you assume a child really wants to be good but doesn't know how, you improve the chances of that child making a success of themselves.
There are many reasons why some kids are very difficult, compared to others. One of the biggest reasons for problems continuing is how we respond to them.
That doesn't mean that every parent with a difficult child is the cause of their continuing issues - not at all. But every parent is the hero who has to find a different way of working with that child, to give them the best chance they can have, given their initial presenting problems.
We do the best we can, and often that best needs thinking outside the square, and learning to listen as never before.
My sister's second son had a lot of problems. She threw everything she had at t hat kid. With hindsight, there were still a lot of mistakes made and problems she simply couldn't sort out. But she was told, when he was 14, that he was doing far better than anyone could believe, in terms of managing his disabilities. They could offer no further professional advice because she and he together had already surpassed expectations.
He ran away a few months later, got into drugs, crime, ended up in and out of jail for the next 15 years. She had not failed - she had really done the best she could. If she'd had access to CPS, he may have done a bit better, but the system and society simply couldn't cope with such a wide range of severe learning problems and behavioural problems.
He is now back in her life, clean and honest. His health is poor, his prospects are not good; but they are still better than if she had never been in his life.
And he came back to her, to ask her to be his mother again. He is once more a father to his sons and at last is trying to live a responsible life, within his limitations.
My sister did the best she could, at the time and under the circumstances, with schools and her DEX undermining her. Some people would consider she failed. But when we look at how his life would have been had she not adopted him, when we look at reports from learning centres amazed that he could read at all, when we remember his condition when he arrived in her arms, we know that she was the best mother he could have had.
Success is not necessarily the perfect outcome with the perfect child who is able to make his first billion by the age of 21. Sometimes success is simply survival.
Thanks for this link, Allan. More books to read!
Thanks for sharing-I've got it bookmarked to read later!
thank you so much that site is wonderful
Separate names with a comma.