Or maybe I should say Mother Pressure cooker? My mother wants to have a meeting with her, me, Jessie and gfgbro, and then one with thank you instead of Jessie. She wants to "prove" to them that he won't hurt them. I am about 2000% against this. In the past this has happened. They want Jessie and I to say exactly what Jessie is afraid gfgbro will do, so that he can promise he won't do it. Also so he can say what he hates about them, the way they treat my parents, etc... in a "calm" way so that we can "make peace". been there done that in the past with-o the kid. Been having "talks" and letters about this for years, since before my kids were born. He will NOT say that he has to "protect" my mother from us in front of her, but he will call afterwards to tell me that. He has done it for 20+ years. I am NOT allowed to mention anything he has done in the past because I am supposed to "forget" when I forgive. Jess and I will still be told how awful it is to "cut him out of our lives" and it cannot stay because he would not "hurt" us in any way and he is not abusive in any way because he goes to AA meetings and lives a 12 Step life and we don't so we don't know how to live a good life. That is pretty much verbatim of the "rules" I have been given for how life is supposed to work. he can say I am bitter, vindictive and hold a grudge about everything, but I cannot say that we are afraid of him because he has backed us into a corner every time he gets upset and wants to tantrum or have a tirade. He has done this for years, and treats my husband, kids and I this way regardless of the "talks" and "agreements" we have had to 'work things out". Those talks have always boiled down to I am in the wrong, I need to apologize, and he can do what he wants. Of course his apologizes are okay in front of my mother and in writing but there is always a call the next day to say that he was wrong but wouldn't have had to be wrong if I had just behaved and listened to all he wanted to say. There is NOTHING that will convince him that his "freedom of speech" does NOT mean that I have to listen or that he somehow "deserves" to say whatever abusive thing he wants in whatever manner/time/group of people he wants to say it. I am SOOO not interested. My therapist and J's therapist say it is not a bad idea, it is a TERRIBLE idea and will only increase the trauma and fear. Why is it that my parents can only enjoy us if my brother is there? What is it that is so wrong with us that we can only be enjoyed as a family in his company? Are we so awful, so devoid of interest to others that my brother has to be there to make us interesting? When he is around we barely speak. husband and I give NO personal info in his presence because it is ALWAYS used against us. I have not said anything specific to my parents in a couple of years because he is always there and there is always a call or lecture or letter later that uses it to say how awful we were. heck, the last personal thing we said was 3 years ago when I said I decorated cupcakes for Tyler's class. I got a lovely lecture for the next 20 minutes about how terrible that was because I filled the kids full of sugar, empty calories and food colorings to make them all have adhd. then he said that he bought his daughter's class special candy that looked like spongebob lollipops that were gummy candy. NOT health food, by the way, just fancy gummy suckers. I am totally serious here. We say NOTHING when he is around. And yet we cannot go over to my parents because my mom wants us all there or none of us there. I have said I won't make a scene or a fuss if he pops in while we are there (he drives past their home on his way home to make sure our cars are not there because we "take advantage" of them and they "cannot protect themselves" from us. THEY don't say this, and he doesn't admit to the drive-by to them, but he has bragged about it to me (even said I owed him $30 for the extra gas it takes to drive by every day, ten blocks out of his way!). I am feeling pressured and like an ambush is coming. ADvice? Help!?! Thanks. I hate this. I just want to be able to spend time with my parents, and have my kids enjoy their grandparents, with-o all this garbage. But it HAS to be that my gfgbro can be there if we are there. Mostly I don't ever go to there home anymore. just too much baggage. I miss my parents.