Feeling extremely overwhelmed

Just got back from taking difficult child to his appeal hearing for unemployment compensation. I feel mentally and emotionally drained. And tomorrow he has an appointment with an attorney for the dui's. I don't feel like I have the strength to deal with this two days in a row. But, there is no one else to take him. I feel like I can't go on. Feel like crying, but I can't. I just don't know what I feel right now besides overwhelmed.
 

Childofmine

one day at a time
76, what tools are you using to help YOU? You are posting and reading this site---great for a first step. Are you reading books like Boundaries and Codependent no more? I would recommend ordering several alanon books like Courage to Change and One Day at a Time---both are wonderful daily devotionals. Use them every day. Go online for alanon meetings if there are none in your area. Get more rest, exercise, meditate, pray, work in the yard.

In order to get better and free yourself from the disease of codependency, enabling---to learn to detach with love---and to accept reality as it is.

Your son's situation sounds complicated and I can understand how hard it is to decide what to do or not to do.

But at some point that is not the issue at hand. The issue is your own mental and physical health.

You can't help anyone unless you first take care of yourself.

Start on a new path of putting yourself first. Start today. What you have tried in the past has not solved your son's many problems. it is time for a new focus and that focus must be on you.

Assemble your toolbox and spend time every day using your tools. Schedule this new practice into your day. Make it a priority above all else.

You will start feeling better soon if you will do this, regardless of what he does or does not do.

Regarding the attorney, why can't he get a public defender? Step away from this if you can. Your son is 36? 38?

Time for a sea change. Warm hugs.




Sent using ConductDisorders mobile app
 

dstc_99

Well-Known Member
Can you drop him off and pick him up? I realize he has some mental disabilities but if it is too much for you not being in the meetings might help you and allow him to feel more in control of the situation.
 
Dstc_99 that is what I am going to do...but just being with him is nerve wracking. As soon ss I see him, all my anger and strength go away...and I start to feel like mommy again.
 

ForeverSpring

Well-Known Member
You said it. He is 38. He is almost 40. You don't have to go with himi. Heck, if my 36 year old had to go to court, I woldn't go. He's a middle aged man.

If you want to help, I'd pay for a cab. No way am I going two days in a row. The stress will kill you. Then who will take care of him??

Hugs for all you're going through.
 

recoveringenabler

Well-Known Member
Staff member
But at some point that is not the issue at hand. The issue is your own mental and physical health.
You can't help anyone unless you first take care of yourself.
Start on a new path of putting yourself first. Start today. What you have tried in the past has not solved your son's many problems. it is time for a new focus and that focus must be on you.
Assemble your toolbox and spend time every day using your tools. Schedule this new practice into your day. Make it a priority above all else.
You will start feeling better soon if you will do this, regardless of what he does or does not do.

The only way any of this will change is if YOU change. It is up to YOU. Listen to what COM is offering you, if you continue to do what you always have done you will continue to suffer in the same way, which is the definition of insanity......."doing what you've always done and expecting different results."

Get some support for YOU. Once you do that, the choices you decide to make around your son will get easier and you won't be so overwhelmed.
 

dstc_99

Well-Known Member
If you want to help, I'd pay for a cab.

Apparantly he has the $1000 to bail out the girlfriend, he should have plenty to pay for the cab. Just saying :)

Don't feel guilty or stressed out. I imagine you have been taking care of this grown man for years. BUT the thing is he is now a grown man who has had the benefit of a mother taking care of him for an extra 20 years longer than most. He can handle this and if he can't he has the resources to help him. He may chose not to use those resources but he has no problem chosing to use you. Make the choice not to be used.
 

ForeverSpring

Well-Known Member
MWM... I have been thinking about that. It would be very expensive due to where he lives.
You know what? When moms or dads come on here with wayward eighteen year olds to maybe twenty-one (college age) I can understand when they break down sometimes and do stuff for them that is enabling as they are still young adults.But, Overhwhelmed, you and I have MIDDLE AGE MEN who are still acting like difficult children. If my son went to jail, and it's a miracle he has not, I woudl let him go but I sure wouldn't drive him. Even if he lived near me, if he needed a ride to court, he'd have to find his own ride. They have ways. If not, oh well. Natural consequences. Whose fault is it that he can't drive?

The older my difficult child gets the less I find myself feeling sympathetic when he breaks down.

We will be here for you no matter what you choose to do, however...at some time in his life...and in MY son's life...they will have to learn to live without us. Hugs to you!!!! Good luck! It is time for YOU to have a good life without this nonsense.
 
Top