I feel like there is no one out there (in real life) that even remotely understands what it is like having a child like difficult child#1. Everyone around me feels like difficult child#1 is the way he is because I don't give him enough structure. OMG, I give him ALL I CAN. Every second of my day is spend dealing with him. I feel like I have failed my other children- for giving them a sibling like him and not being able to give them the time and attention they deserve and desperately need too. There are so many days where I feel like hopping in my van and just leaving. Not looking back. I tried to vent to husband last night saying that I had a brief moment yesterday where I fantasized about putting A in foster care. I needed a soft place to vent and instead he made me feel like **** for even entertaining the thought. The thought. Keep in mind he is at work 10 hours a day and spends at most 2 hours a day dealing with A. I feel lost and helpless and I fear I am about to break.