Had another really rough night last night, spent about 8 hours in bed but only got maybe 2 hours sleep. Came to the conclusion yesterday was just a bad day, actually this has been a really rough year. Following the recommendations given here I forced myself to get into therapy for myself. thank you all you probably saved my life (anyway we will see if I survive the next couple months)
Normally I wouldn't try to schedule 3 things on the same day but when endocrinologists nurse called Tuesday night voice shaking on the phone insisting he see Angel yesterday instead of next week; I scheduled it around my therapy sessions.
I understand to make an omelet you need to break some eggs but therapist totally floored me with the ? who is supportive of you? in my mind I wanted to declare you all here at this site, not able to think of anyone who is truly supportive of me in my real life.
I told her my son but that isn't true, only time he wants anything to do with me is when he is hungry or needs a ride (his truck got totaled by a semi while parked a couple weeks ago); also with everything else on my plate he never fails to bring up that 15 years ago when I was having a walking nervous breakdown for like 5 years he would walk slowly home from school worried that this was the day he was gonna find me dead from suicide when he got home. I've never had a suicidal bone in my body, besides I didn't get home until several hours after he did so no car meant I wasn't here.
Yesterday was just too much, still dealing with youngest overdose a month ago, complaint against social worker going no where (was sent paper but they are blowing smoke up my butt, that woman nothing going to happen to her) so now with everything else going on need to contact state licensing board and get them to shut that incompetent woman down.
I look around and can't find anyone in my life who is supportive of me, friends seem to only want me when they want something from me, kids the same thing, my folks can't do anything to help and news of what all has happened would probably kill them so I didn't burden them with any of it.
I think the straw that broke the camel's back was at the endocrinologists office when doctor was giving me Angel's numbers from the labs that came back and Angel said "I didn't take my thyroid medication for a week because my mom didn't get the script filled"; I had told her to take the lower dosage until I could get the insurance thing settled not to skip the medication all together! besides it was 2 days not a week!!! (she has 5 bottles of the 150mcg needed 175mcg.) Besides she has been irregular taking her medications since her 18th birthday, thats how she ended up with 5 bottles of the lower dosage. In spite of my reminding her to take every day, reminding to fill her weekly pill minder every Saturday for the next week, making sure she has medications to take... she's an adult... I can't force it ... breathe Nancy breathe
I've told her straight up blow off your lithium you will bounce off walls, bite someone and end up in psychiatric hospital not knowing how you got there, but your thyroid medication YOU CAN'T SKIP THAT ONE! Thyroid regulates or is involved with every organ in your body and you need that medication or you will die! I did not ever candy coat it that medication is so important...
So the endocrinologist gave orders for her parathyroid nuclear scan and explained how a surgeon is going to have to go in to remove the tumor (or tumors) in her neck... not sure if she has a good poker face or is just too stupid to know she should be afraid at this point. With everyone related to my mother having some mutant cancer gene kicking around their body, I'm scared to death.
Sorry to dump all this on you all, I totally hate pity parties... I don't think that is what this is, my plate was already running over and more just gets piled on there. Guess I'm just afraid at some point the plate (myself) is going to snap and not sure what is going to happen when it does. Being able to write about this does help to lighten the load.
God bless this website and thank you all for being here.
Nancy
Normally I wouldn't try to schedule 3 things on the same day but when endocrinologists nurse called Tuesday night voice shaking on the phone insisting he see Angel yesterday instead of next week; I scheduled it around my therapy sessions.
I understand to make an omelet you need to break some eggs but therapist totally floored me with the ? who is supportive of you? in my mind I wanted to declare you all here at this site, not able to think of anyone who is truly supportive of me in my real life.
I told her my son but that isn't true, only time he wants anything to do with me is when he is hungry or needs a ride (his truck got totaled by a semi while parked a couple weeks ago); also with everything else on my plate he never fails to bring up that 15 years ago when I was having a walking nervous breakdown for like 5 years he would walk slowly home from school worried that this was the day he was gonna find me dead from suicide when he got home. I've never had a suicidal bone in my body, besides I didn't get home until several hours after he did so no car meant I wasn't here.
Yesterday was just too much, still dealing with youngest overdose a month ago, complaint against social worker going no where (was sent paper but they are blowing smoke up my butt, that woman nothing going to happen to her) so now with everything else going on need to contact state licensing board and get them to shut that incompetent woman down.
I look around and can't find anyone in my life who is supportive of me, friends seem to only want me when they want something from me, kids the same thing, my folks can't do anything to help and news of what all has happened would probably kill them so I didn't burden them with any of it.
I think the straw that broke the camel's back was at the endocrinologists office when doctor was giving me Angel's numbers from the labs that came back and Angel said "I didn't take my thyroid medication for a week because my mom didn't get the script filled"; I had told her to take the lower dosage until I could get the insurance thing settled not to skip the medication all together! besides it was 2 days not a week!!! (she has 5 bottles of the 150mcg needed 175mcg.) Besides she has been irregular taking her medications since her 18th birthday, thats how she ended up with 5 bottles of the lower dosage. In spite of my reminding her to take every day, reminding to fill her weekly pill minder every Saturday for the next week, making sure she has medications to take... she's an adult... I can't force it ... breathe Nancy breathe
I've told her straight up blow off your lithium you will bounce off walls, bite someone and end up in psychiatric hospital not knowing how you got there, but your thyroid medication YOU CAN'T SKIP THAT ONE! Thyroid regulates or is involved with every organ in your body and you need that medication or you will die! I did not ever candy coat it that medication is so important...
So the endocrinologist gave orders for her parathyroid nuclear scan and explained how a surgeon is going to have to go in to remove the tumor (or tumors) in her neck... not sure if she has a good poker face or is just too stupid to know she should be afraid at this point. With everyone related to my mother having some mutant cancer gene kicking around their body, I'm scared to death.
Sorry to dump all this on you all, I totally hate pity parties... I don't think that is what this is, my plate was already running over and more just gets piled on there. Guess I'm just afraid at some point the plate (myself) is going to snap and not sure what is going to happen when it does. Being able to write about this does help to lighten the load.
God bless this website and thank you all for being here.
Nancy