I have cheese- anyone have wine to share with my whine?? difficult child made it to school today and instead of me jumping into work, I'm still sitting here thinking too much, worried over finances, and can't get past the "OMG I have time alone" feeling. This of course, makes me feel guilty and mad at myself. I don't feel depressed but I swear, I cannot see a solution to this mess. I can't work full-time as long as difficult child has to be carted from appointment to appointment, not to mention his high-maintenance needs that keep him home from school so much. I can't afford to keep this up if I can't work full-time. I simply don't know what to do. I hate living in this house with the holes in the walls and doors that he has left from previous rages. I can't afford to have them fixed. I can't sell the house if they aren't fixed. I can't afford to keep the house. I have never been told I'm bipolar, or felt like I was. But, if I am then I spent 12 years in hypomania and the past 6 months crashing. And now I have crashed and I have never been in a situation where I felt like this for so long without coming up with some solution. I have an appointment to start with a therapist for myself in 2 weeks. It can't get here quick enough. I'm thankful for it, however, it won't solve this problem either. I have thought about trying to find something I can do from home to supplement my income. I am concerned that difficult child's issues would sabatoge that. When we moved here 2 years ago, I had it all ready for me to work most hours at the office, then some at home so he wouldn't need after-school care and I would be here with him. I HAD to have my computer in order to do that. He sabatoged the computer. Then, he got so unstable that I had to give all my attention to that and could not possibly work while he was with me. I can't figure out any way to keep supporting him and I am really starting to panic over what is going to happen to him. I have no motivation to do what needs to be done, that I can do, because I know it won't be enough to turn things around. There's my big whine or vent or pity party or all of the above....thanks for being here and putting up with it LOL!!