For the first time in a long time...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I actually considered last night what a relief it would be to leave this life, this world. It was a very scary moment. No, I'm not going to do anything like that. No worries.

    But my God, I forgot how scary it is to feel that way.

    I then reached out to a woman I met on another board. I had given her my number about a year ago, at a time when she sounded so desperate, and last night I received a random email from her asking how I was. I emailed her back and she gave me her number. I called her and we talked for almost 2 hours. Perfect strangers in every way, but we connected.

    I just want to remind anyone who ever feels that way - reach out, even if it feels weird or awkward. After you say "Hello, it's me", the rest is cake. I'm feeling better today but it's going to be a long haul.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Oh, gosh, Jo. I'm so sorry. (((hugs)))

    I so know that place. It is terrifying to feel that way. I'm very glad you were able to talk to someone.

    If you ever need to chat, send me a PM and we can exchange numbers if you'd like.

  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    First off, I am so glad that we shouldn't worry about you actually leaving this life!!! :)

    Goosebump city!!! It was destiny that she called you last night out of the blue! I love when strange things happen that way. It sort of reassures me that there is life somewhere else after this one. Something unexplainable made that woman call you!!!

    I hope you are feeling better today. Stick around, there are so many tomorrows in front of you and you don't know what wonderful possibilities they may bring to you. :)
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am glad you talked to this friend, that is such a good thing. What a true blessing.
    Thank you for coming here as well. Get it out write, talk.
    That is the best kind of therapy sometimes.
    Your life truly means something to so many. I like seeing you on the board.
  5. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I'm so pleased you reached out to us here as well. I've been to that scary place and it's a fight to find your way back out. I applaud you for finding the number and having the courage to call. No scolding - you've really had a rough couple of years and you truly need a break.

    Sooooooooo when are we going to your time-share? lol. I could use a break too. lol.....if it's not YOU that has the time share, then whomever does should come forward at this desperate hour and offer it up..sista'.

    I swear we just need a few sea shells, a few gull calls, and some salt water licking my ankles and we'll be good as new.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Jo....You KNOW I have been there done that with bells on and horns tootin! There were times in the early days of getting my diagnosis that I came on here just about ready to end it all and either Suz or Fran or Nancy or one of the other oldies would literally hold my hand for hours. It got really bad at times.

    Im glad your friend reached out to you and you were able to talk. That means so much when you get into that place.
  7. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Jo}}} Just remember that you are very important to an awful lot of people (me included) and we need you to take care of yourself so we have you for a long time to come. I know you aren't going to act on those feelings, but I still think you should talk to your psychiatrist (or therapist) so that you can have some professional guidance to getting out of this rut. You may need a medication adjustment or a little more therapy time (especially since it's winter). Just take care of your needs for awhile.
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks everyone. It's a combination of things...

    All this stuff with Sophie. She's going to have to be put down because I simply can't afford the treatment past next Friday. And H hasn't really worked so he hasn't the money either.

    And speaking of H, things with him are in the crapper - I literally cannot stand the sight of him and just wish I could flee.

    And although I continue to remain detached from difficult child and her unending job search, etc., it still is so upsetting to stand next to her whenever we run into someone and they ask her what she's doing. I want to crawl into a hole. Fortunately, she has the sense to also (she told me it's embarrassing - what better motivator, right? NOT - she would rather avoid people).

    And my back has been out since Friday and the chiro is helping, but I mean, jeez, the cost again!!

    Anyway, just having a really low few days. I still feel it but a little better. And I am calling around for a therapist tomorrow. I printed out a list from my insurance. Thanks again.
  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Jog, I am so glad she was there for you to talk to. Your message is a good one. Things can change in a heartbeat we all know that having lives entangled with difficult child's but we tend to forget that they do not necessarily have to change for the worse. They can just as well change for the better as in making a new friend. Just the tiniest thing like a compassionate person willing to listen to your fears can make a world of difference when you are in a dark place. They shine a light and often show us the way to a better place.
    I hope you continue to reach out and are rewarded for that. -RM
  10. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Oh, the seduction of oblivion! The end of spiritual and physical pain; the thought of the next glorious sunset on this glorious planet was always what kept me going. I hope that you can find your own personal image to help you through these dark times. ((((HUGS)))).
  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry you were in such a bad place but glad you had someone to reach out to. Glad you are going to see a therapist as well. Keep taking care of you-you are much loved!
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Jo. I'm sending you a PM.

  13. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm glad you connected with someone, Jo. I too have been down that road. You mean a lot to us. Many times your posts have resonated with me. I value your thoughts and feel very grateful to the person you reached out to. The world needs as many "Jo's" as we can get.
  14. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I'm so glad you reached out. It can be scary when you realize you're that far down in depression and it sort of snuck up on you. been there done that
  15. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    When it rains it pours, doesn't it?

    Take care of yourself lady.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am glad you reached out. I know that scary place, have been there recently myself. It really does help to make that call. And to think about the people who would be devastated if you actually DID kill yourself. Me included.

    Remember we are all here for you, at any and every time, as often as you head into that place.

    Please talk to a professional also. Sorry about H and Sophie and the embarrassment with difficult child.

    Sending gently hugs,
  17. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Jo, I am very glad that you have someone that you can call when you feel like that. That is so very important. I'm glad you feel better. I wish there was something insightful I could offer, but I'm not always good at that.
  18. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Apparently, H snuck off to his very first AA meeting last night. Two years without a drink, yet still never any treatment. This is long overdue and I'm glad for him taking that first step. Just wanted to tell someone.

    Thank you all again for your continued support. I'm feeling a bit better today, have more resolve to get through each day and remain focused on each moment rather than worry about 'what will happen' or tomorrow or next week.
  19. ML

    ML Guest

    husband has his 4 month AA anniversary a few days ago. That program births miracles! Love ML
  20. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Jo.
    But that is awesome that you connected like that. Wow.