FUMING!!! (long)


New Member
It was open house tonight at Sammys school. We have not been happy this year at all. His teachers both leave before 3pm and (the school day ends at 3:30). I would pick Sammy up earlier but it is nap time which he still needs. Anyways, I have no idea what goes on during the day. I asked for specifics but the teachers that come in after the day ones leave have no info. I have asked for specific info in the mornings and I get no info i need like Did he sit on the toilet? Did anything happen there? Did he have a poopie diaper? IS he speaking in class? IS he participating? or any specifics about his day...husband called the director and complained about this and it has not been taken care of yet. Tonight, husband went to the open House. Sammys teachers informed him that he is the best behaved in class (I dont doubt that one) That he is a normal 3 year old and speaks perfectly clear and in great detail. At first husband said "you are talking about Sammy?" husband pointed out that 3 different doctors including the school district have his speech at the age level of a 24 month old and that he has comprehension problems and they said "Oh, not here. Here he speaks perfectly clear and in great detail. We understand him perfectly" So husband says are you saying that these doctors and we dont know our son or that he is faking it? This is a flat out lie! I know that they want us to feel good about our son and we do but we dont need lies to do that. He was evaluated by the school psychologist in mid august and she said the other children had a hard time understanding him. His last teacher who he had for a year and a half said his speech is getting slightly better but it still was quite delayed. These 2 teachers seem to be the only 2 people on this planet who understand him without a problem and get things in great detail. I dont know what to do anymore. He is going to therapy 3 days a week and will probably be in speech with the SD 2 days a week. I dont know if I should keep him at this school or what. He loves going there, he loves the kids but I dont think that he will get much out of this year.


Well-Known Member
So, the teachers weren't required to stay for the open house? That's odd.
Why don't you sit in for a few hrs one day?
Do they have windows you can look through?
Do they have checklists to say what they did all day? Such as, today we (check off the box) played with-blocks, watched a Barney video, used scissors, used crayons, sang a song.
Just some ideas.
I'm glad he loves it anyway! One of the main things kids are supposed to get out of preschool is socialization, so if he loves it he must be getting something out of it.


Translation: We don't pay much attention, but we're going to tell you what we think you want to hear.

I hope I'm wrong, but that's what I would think. It reminds me of when difficult child was in the second grade. First thing every morning they had an assignment that consisted of 3 or 4 language arts questions and 2 or 3 simple math questions. The kids had 20-30 minutes to complete this (it was about 1/3 of a page). Most of the time (3-5 days a week) difficult child would bring this home as homework because she did not get it completed during class. Often she had only gotten one problem done. It wasn't because she couldn't do the work; she did it fine at home and didn't need any help. So, I asked the teachers what she was doing during that time...she had 2 teachers in her classroom of 22 students. Their answer was, "I don't know." These were the same teachers that claimed that difficult child didn't have any problems in their classroom. However, after I asked that question it no longer came home as homework. Imagine that. It had gone on for several weeks until it got to that point because I didn't realize it was classwork that wasn't getting completed; I thought it was just homework.


Well-Known Member
It sounds like you need to have a one on one (two?) with his teachers outside of open house. If he is happy, that's at least half the battle, in my humble opinion. I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but when they have these problems and you add unhappiness at the school to it, the problems expand exponentially. I would be worried if you put him in another school he might react badly.

It does seem reasonable that they could write a little note or something before they go home, but hopefully you can work that out.


New Member
The preschool my children attended/attend has closed circuit cameras in the classrooms and offer to make tapes available to parents anytime they would like to see them. They have a room set up you can go in and sit and watch your child in class to see how things are going. This is something that I guess has been highly recommended to daycares and preschools both, so if your center doesn't already do this, you should make the suggestion to them that it would be a wise investment for several reasons. That is how we cured the problem of never meeting with the teachers, because my daughter's teacher was the same as yours, GONE before we ever got there and it was so difficult to get information, I finally started just trying to go in once a week on my lunch hour and just view small sections of tape of the classroom.


I would/ I have gone to school with difficult child. Not for the same reasons. I would be making a personal appearance. Not scheduled ones either. If they refuse you to observe, then that would raise a big red flag.
I agree also that being happy is much of the battle. If he wasn't happy he wouldn't try.
I have it in difficult child's IEP that I want notification of certain things. Could you add it to his plan that you be notified weekly or how ever often you prefer? A daily progress report sent home?


Well-Known Member

Go in and visit the classroom during the day. If you feel that would make Sammy act differently, observe from the door or see if they have video.

I'm assuming when you say "teachers" you are really talking about day care providers. If Sammy is in therapy three days a week and you see some verbal progress there and he is happy in daycare, I'm not sure I would be too concerned.

Your ending statement about him "not getting too much out of this year" kinda mystifies me because he's not in regular school yet and what he should be doing is just playing and learning to be with others. He's only three - he should be playing with sand, and blocks, and playdough, and paralell playing with his classmates.

If you strongly feel these teachers are just humoring you, request a meeting with just the two of them and you and husband and Sammy. Watch their interactions with him and see how they respond to his speech.

I don't think they would try to just humor you if there were issues they were concerned about or issues that would concern the rest of the group.

Hope you get some resolution.



Active Member
Dara, what type of preschool or daycare is this? I'm assuming it's private but is it specifically for special needs students?


Active Member
I strongly recommend you begin using a Communication Book. This is an exercise book which travels in the child's bag between home and school. The teachers write in it; you write in it. Anything interesting, anything they need to know, any questions you have. It's quicker and easier than trying to catch them as they leave; it's also much more effective. And it sounds like you will find this useful later when Sammy is at 'big school'.

You don't need to write much - less is better - but you make it clear you want honesty, you already know your child is not perfect. You want truth, not cosmetic responses.

I also agree with the surprise visits, or request to view tapes (if any). We never had that option, difficult child 3's Special Education pre-school made it clear that visitors were not allowed. And he hated it - and I could never find out why. I was not happy, but it was all the Special Education we could access. To make a fuss would be to lose all access to any Special Education - it was emotional blackmail for us. I had one initial visit which was made while there were no kids there.

I wish I'd known about communication books then. And I wish I'd known about "The Explosive Child" then - I'd have rammed it down their throats. Sideways.



New Member
I like the communication book idea. I was typing up a simple form for them to check off the key items I need to know each day and leaving a space for "additional notes" I did this form everyday for 12 2 year olds and it took less than 5 minutes so I think they should be able to handle it. As far as the observing goes, I can pop in at anytime. The school has no problem with anything like that. My only concern is Sammy seeing me. He will go crazy if he sees me there. And his classmates if they see me they report to Sammy. You all know how 3 year olds are! I guess the thing that upsets me and concerns me the most is as a parent, when you send your child to school, preschool, you rely on the teachers to be honest with you. It is a trust thing. I have to be able to trust that they are telling me the truth about Sammy and not saying what they think that I want to hear. They have broken that trust even when called out on it. I am not pulling him out because he loves playing with his friends. They have been together for a year and a half and I dont want to take that away from him. I do however have serious concerns if they actually do believe that he is speaking clearly and with great detail. It just isnt the case. Everyone else who has ever met Sammy is in agreement with the fact that he has language issues and his speech is very hard to understand and he does not give detail to much at all. I guess the only thing to do is just keep him there, have them fill out the "my Day" report and take what they say with a grain of salt.