DDD
Well-Known Member
The long email was very sweet...and very likely sincere. It was an affirmation of her deep love for me. She thanked me for all I did for her as a child. She acknowledged she now recognizes that every day I gave my all to support and help her have the best life available. It included that she is aware that as a single parent I always went above and beyond the call of duty at great costs to myself and without a meaningful support system.
She shared that she is trying to do that with her daughter and that is stressful even thought she has the support of family, the school and her SO. Her goal is to "be like me" as a parent. Then she happily shared that she is getting her house fixed up etc. etc. and she will soon invite me, husband and difficult child#1 to come to her home for dinner and a shared evening.
As you all know I am rarely at a loss for words. This time, however, I'm going to have to ponder my response. I love her because she's my child. I appreciate her sentiments. on the other hand, my true response is WTH! difficult child#1 is 24, difficult child#2 is 21 and her daughter is 9. Her emotional investment in the boys lives has been minimal, self serving and often destructive. Her financial investment has been zip. She kept all child support for herself even though the boys lived with us. She kept disability payments for #2 secretly for years...and then got him to move in with her right before he was eligible for adult disability. Left alone to raise her daughter she has been inconsistent in almost all ways including missing IEP meetings, missing medical appts and refilling Rx's. husband and I have done for the boys what I did for her. We have given are all....and financially it has been a disaster.
My husband has completely detached from her. There is no way he would go to her home and tries to be away from our house if she's coming by. Do I want to go to her house? Uhh...no. Do I want to admire all the home improvements she has made with her "retirement" funds? Uhh...no.
Yep...this is a quandry! DDD
She shared that she is trying to do that with her daughter and that is stressful even thought she has the support of family, the school and her SO. Her goal is to "be like me" as a parent. Then she happily shared that she is getting her house fixed up etc. etc. and she will soon invite me, husband and difficult child#1 to come to her home for dinner and a shared evening.
As you all know I am rarely at a loss for words. This time, however, I'm going to have to ponder my response. I love her because she's my child. I appreciate her sentiments. on the other hand, my true response is WTH! difficult child#1 is 24, difficult child#2 is 21 and her daughter is 9. Her emotional investment in the boys lives has been minimal, self serving and often destructive. Her financial investment has been zip. She kept all child support for herself even though the boys lived with us. She kept disability payments for #2 secretly for years...and then got him to move in with her right before he was eligible for adult disability. Left alone to raise her daughter she has been inconsistent in almost all ways including missing IEP meetings, missing medical appts and refilling Rx's. husband and I have done for the boys what I did for her. We have given are all....and financially it has been a disaster.
My husband has completely detached from her. There is no way he would go to her home and tries to be away from our house if she's coming by. Do I want to go to her house? Uhh...no. Do I want to admire all the home improvements she has made with her "retirement" funds? Uhh...no.
Yep...this is a quandry! DDD