My oldest son has back home this year after a year away in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where we thought he made great progress in getting himself out of school refusual mode that he has been in since K. We thought he had learned tools to cope with things that required persistence and much more of a sense of self efficacy. We knew it would be hard for him to transition back to HS but he has a light acadmemic load. He is actually going to school, but not doing any homework, right now participating in class but not sure how much. But he is getting back into the "everything is stupid" mode--stupid he has to do so many hours before he can get his driver's license, stupid that he has to learn math and English, etc, stupid we are not wild about him driving around his beater truck once he does get a license without doors on it, etc. Take away things and he pretty much just goes to bed. Not an acting out behavior problem, his medications are ok (upped his lamictal awhile back). He has one of the worst self defeating ways of thinking. Not interested in therapy--has never been much of talker-- though he does have a therapist. Loves working with his hands, not even really interested in going to the local community college which he can do while still in HS to take hands on classes. He has one good friend who is spending more time with his girlfriend than my son which is a major cause of this recent two week or so funk. My son just asked me tonight if he could go live with his friends' family. He thinks that spending more time with his friend will help him be less depressed and therefore he will work more at school. Sort of true, but it will be short-lived I think, and what happens if friend is off with girlfriend a lot? I am not sure they have really thought this through. Friend's parents apparently are ok with the idea but I don't think they have any idea what they would be getting into. My son admits that their expectations are higher than ours. Maybe it has some positive features, but lots of negatives. One of the reasons his therapist thought he should come home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is that he had some issues with being sent away --not good for adopted kids--and I fear telling him he can go will be seen in his deepest mind as sending him away again. I'm trying not to rush in and solve all his problems-- hire fifteen more therapists, do major medication changes, go screaming at his teachers to make him like school. School is being pretty cooperative about modifying things etc. I am not sure anyone is really connecting with him there but maybe that is too much too ask. Did anyone ever worry with their kid that they were just going to keep digging and digging themselves into a hole and ultimately kill themselves? My son is a long way from that, but I could definitely see the possibility. Maybe he is just going through bit of reality-checking, seeing his dreams of all time he thought he would spend doing truck stuff with his best buddy not get realized, school being hard, etc. but he is thought patterns are so self-defeatist that I really wonder if he has the resilience and capacity to snap himself out of it. At what point do you say, its your life buddy, make of it what you will, even though you know there are mental health challenges there. His birthmother and birthgrandmother essentially killed themselves through addiction. He has no drug issues, but obviously the danger of that is great. I'm focusing on taking care of myself and all that but boy it is hard not to get dragged under. Anyone ever really depressed as a teenager? what happened?