Going Crazy....hoping for a light at the end of a tunnel!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Critter Lover, Nov 12, 2008.

  1. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Hi! A friend from another group I belong to referred me to here. It will take me some time to understand the format here....cause it is hard to
    teach this old dog new tricks...LOL. My husband and I have been experiencing for the last 6 months hell with our DS who is 22 yrs old, autistic, Bi Polar and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Our health is going down hill because of
    stress dealing with major behavioral outburst (meltdowns) and suicidal tendacies from our son. We have been in crisis situation since June of this year with the Agency for Persons with Disabilities to get my son help
    and to get him in a Group Home or Support Living facilitiy. I just do not
    know how much I can hang on before my cardiologist puts me on more pills or I die if a sudden heart attack. I love my son but this is getting too much for us to handle anymore. My husband has degenerative disk disease, high blood pressure and now is developing ulcers.

    Is there any relief in sight? :anxious::whiteflag: :crazy2:
  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Welcome Critter Lover, you'll fit in just fine around here. Most of us have animals we love and children who drive us to the brink of insanity a lot of the time. Your son is 22. From your signature I see he has a number of disabilities. How long have you had the diagnosis? Why was he fired from his last job? (As if I even have to ask?) What is his education background?
    Hopefully the "powers that be" will be able to offer the help your family before it gets any worse.
  3. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Hello Critter Lover and welcome.
    I too hope that the powers that be can help your family.

    In the meantime, please drop in here as often as you need to. Yell, cry, tell us happy things...whatever you need.

    You've found a great supportive group here. (They've kept me sane against all odds.)

    Sending many gentle hugs,
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding my welcome!
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Welcome from me as well!

    There are alot of great people here, and alot of sound advice and it's a great place to just vent and also know you are not alone!

    It does sound like you have done alot to help him, and it does sound like you and your husband are also suffering badly.

    What are your options right now? Detachment is something I think that alot of us at times need to do to save ourselves. Sad as it may be. Yet as I said what do you think your options are right now?
  6. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Thank you for the warm welcome! :D

    To answer everywoman's questions:

    We knew something was not right when my son was 3 and all the
    school district or county could tell me is that they thought he was
    borderline retarded...his IQ is 76. He was placed in a pre K program
    under a Language Disability. At that time they labeled him SLD
    (slow learning disabiltiy with language impaired). At 7 yrs old he was diagnosed with ADHD and placed on Ritalin. At 11 yrs old he started
    having seizures that was caused by the onset of puberty....was placed
    on Depakote for a year until he was seizure free. We had him repeat
    the 6th grade and on his second attempted, they put him in EMD classes
    (Educatable mentally disabled). We did not see any major problems other that the stealing of money from us so we had to watch where money was
    placed including where we left purses or wallets. He would go through different obsessions as well. Started seeing more problems with son when he was 17 (Junior in high school). He was doing on the job training through a class from school and that is when we started seeing the big flare ups.....diagnosed with Bi Polar then and placed on Depakote ER. I was not completely satisfied with just that diagnosis so I had him see a neuropsychologist in his Senior year where he was diagnosed with autism. My son did graduate with what is called a Special diploma. We did not let him go any further in school after the age of 19 since we were having problems keeping him in the classrooms....he would walk out of classrooms and be found by vending machines (another obsession). Security guards at school got to know him rather well....LOL.

    Vocational Rehab got my son a job at McDonalds and he was able to hold on to the job for 2 3/4 years. He wanted to be maintenance but they kept him on the grill and fry products. We explained why and so did they
    because he could not do maintenance unless he could handle cleaning the big fry machine and being able to empty the old grease. They said it was quite heavy and it also was a very expensive piece of equipment. Well for six months he has been stewing over this because he did not get what he wanted....so he started burning bagels, talking back to management and copping a big attitude. So finally the manager said to him one day.....Are you wanting me to fire you? And he said "Yeah why don't you just do that!" So that weekend they did! I have to give them credit for working with him as long as they did.

    We applied with the Agency for persons with Disablities so we could get my son more help and services in 2005. His application was declined because the neuropsychologist put the wrong diagnosis number down.
    We reapplied in 2006 and was put on a waitlist. In November 2007 he was Baker Acted in to the hospital for being suicidal. When he came out he had a new psychiatrist who took him off his Ritalin, kept him on his Depakote ER, placed him on Remeron, and Effexor XR. In June 2008
    we applied for Crisis situation to get him placed in a group home or supported living since he was playing hell on our health. Most days he is
    fine but you never know when he is going to blow like a volcano over something so stupid. We had a hell of a time this weekend and it happened out in public. My son normally would not try to pull anything out in public but he has an I don't care attitude now and if he does not get his way he will put you through Holy Hell.
    He has a support coordinator from the Agency who is working to get him services but she is limited on funds because they gave my son the highest tier which only provides funding for $14,000 worth of services. He has started seeing a behaviorist twice a week who comes to our home and his file was sent back up to Tallahassee a month ago to try to get him a lower tier so the funds will pay more much needed services including getting him out of our house and in to a facility that can handle him better. I would think that we should hear something soon for Tallahassee.....if it does go through then we have to go in front of a placement committee to ask to get him placed. I have fought for this kid his entire life and I have not stopped yet.

    Sorry this was so long but we are talking about condensing 22 yrs of a kids life down to what is stated above...LOL.
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Critter Lover,

    Sorry you had to find us but glad you did. This bb has helped me in many, many ways. My oldest, difficult child 1, is about 5 months away from his 18th birthday. There are so many days I can't believe I've survived living with him this long!!!

    I've been practicing the art of detachment for a long time now. I think I can sort of understand how you feel - difficult child 1 NEEDS to leave my house and make a life for himself somewhere else. in my humble opinion, you and your husband have a right to have a peaceful life at home, to be able to live your life for yourselves and not just for your difficult child. It doesn't mean you don't love him. It doesn't mean you still won't fight for him, help him. It just means that the time has come for you to be able to feel at ease in your own home, to find peace, to find time to do the things in life that make you happy too. On the other side, your difficult child needs to learn how to live his own life too - You won't be around to take care of him forever.

    I've got my fingers crossed that you get an appropriate placement for him soon!!! Thinking of you... WFEN
  8. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member


    Thanks for your reply. I know that we are at the point where he needs to be out of our house but we do have a Nationwide Problem where all these
    disabled children and adults are put on waitlist for services. You would think with the economy as it is that the government would not cut budget funding for these people that have to rely on others to live day to day.
    I hope things change soon so others like me do not have to wait for services. Colorado tried to help their waitlist by putting to vote for a fractional increase on sales tax to help (Amendment 51) but it was shot down. If any of you go to your state for help, you know what I am talking about and it is very disheartening. I hope the new administration that goes in to office in January can help everyone in this situation.

    To all in this thread -
    Sounds like I have found the right group here that knows where I am coming from and will be a great place to vent, cry, express concerns
    and hopefully tell you good news.

  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Critter Lover,

    I agree with you - It is so sad that there are lengthy wait lists for appropriate services for disabled people. It is the same way where I live. difficult child 1 is fully capable of living on his own. In fact, the only way difficult child 1 learns anything at all is by falling flat on his own face - Natural consequences are the best!!!

    on the other hand, sadly difficult child 2 is not capable of living on his own (currently 16 1/2 yrs.) difficult child 2 has just been approved for state services. I'm in the process of finding out as much as I can about available benefits for him. Unfortunately, I know difficult child 2 might be living with us much longer than I want him to. I'm dreading this and wondering how I'm going to survive it. I know I have lots to learn!!!

    I'm glad you're here. I hope you have good news to share with us soon. WFEN
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi CritterLover, welcome!

    Here's a cup of herbal green tea to soothe your nerves.

    You've got your hands full with-your difficult child. Interesting story about McDonald's. Hey, he was actually earning $ there for a while!
    I would defintely look into some kind of home facility for him. You need to take care of your health.
    I agree about the idea of detachment, too. It is extremely difficult but it will save your mind and heart.
    Sometimes when my son gets obnoxious, I just stare at a focal point, sort of like when you are in labor, and hear the sounds of his voice like it's a background TV. Whatever works. :)

  11. Critter Lover

    Critter Lover New Member

    Thanks Terry.....mmmmmmmmmm I love green tea. My fav is blueberry green tea that I make as ice tea.

    I have never tried to do the detachment but how do you do that when he beats on himself, bites himself and threatens to harm himself or stab you or your husband with a knife. 99% of the time the threats are empty but it only takes the 1% to cross the line. I guess I just need to take more walks with my dogs to relieve some stress and bury myself in things I want to do.

    You all sure know how to make someone feel better. It is nice to know that I am not alone in my situation. :kisses:

    I had my own doctor's appointment last night and I have the start of hypothyroidism and have to take another medication. I hate getting old! At least I know why I am so tired now besides the stress from difficult child.
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hi CL.

    Welcome to the crowd!