Good Session With therapist

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Jul 3, 2013.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    difficult child had an appointment with the therapist this morning. He went in to talk to her, and about 20 minutes into the session I was asked to come in to join the conversation. After we talked about what I was brought in for the therapist turned to me and asked how I thought things were going at home. I told her I saw great effort on difficult child's part at times, but then went on to explain about how he treats easy child and how he expects easy child to play with him constantly. We talked about this for a bit when the therapist said something that I have been saying for years, and what no one else seemed brave enough to say to him:

    "I think you want your brother to play with you because your can BULLY him into doing what you want, and you can't do that with your friends."

    I have been trying to get someone, ANYONE, to tell difficult child that his actions towards his younger brother are the same as bullying for a very long time. Everyone, up until now, has said that I was wrong. husband, my in-laws, everyone. No one but me seemed to see bully tendencies in his behavior.

    Now that the word has been thrown out there, we'll see where it takes us.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Woo hoo!
    I'm glad therapist did that. It has such a huge impact coming from a professional. We can say the same thing a million times and it has little or no effect.
    Way To Go!
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have been thinking that for a long time myself. Your poor youngest son has to be so frustrated. Im actually glad my boys were spaced the way they were and Jamie was ADHD with Cory the youngest and the biggest problem. While Cory caused Jamie enough grief, he couldnt really hurt him.

    With all the issues your difficult child has with always wanting to be right next to his younger brother, you are going to have to figure out some way to make him realize they are two separate people. There is a considerable age difference there too. What a 9 year old does and what a 14 year old should want to do are two totally different things. One is a teen and one isnt even a preteen really.

    So with easy child going and doing his things, what things does difficult child like to do with himself? There has to be something. If he cant think of something, find him something. Someone needs lawns cut, dogs walked, there has to be a video game club somewhere. I think that is what dungeons and dragons is.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with Janet. Your boys need to be separated more. If difficult child isn't able to come up with fun things to do with same age peers, you have to help him with that. Interaction with them is something he needs. Playing with his little brother is not helping him develop skills he needs.
  5. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Yesterday was a good day because they spent a good chunk of it apart. difficult child asked a friend to come over (big step for him) and easy child went to play over at is friend's house.

    I asked difficult child yesterday if he wanted me to check in the library if they have a D&D club. At first be hesitated because the set that he's playing with is older (it belonged to husband's youngest brother. mother in law saves EVERYTHING and difficult child asked if he could play it one day), but I told him that if needing a newer version of the game is needed that that would be no problem, so he said that he would be interested. He has a bowling lesson this morning and I told husband that he had to take him. At some point today I'll run over to the library and see. I thought I saw something in the monthly flyer that they send out, but I couldn't find anything on their web site when I looked yesterday.

    I know what they need is separation, but for some reason, no one here seems to back me up on that. "They're brothers and they want to play together. Isn't that nice?" No, not really.