Gotta love their way of thinking

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Oct 6, 2007.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Right now difficult child is in the middle of a nice little hissy fit. Why? Because he's bored, because I won't give him anything fun to do, because it's his turn to do the dishes and he wants to wait till tomorrow (never mind that all of the glasses are dirty), because I won't let him watch TV until the dishes are done....AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. We stood in front of the tv a bit ago with him turning it on and me turning it off and him trying to get the remote from me. Now he wants to cal husband at work to complain that I'm treating him like ****, treating him like a little kid, etc. He informed me that I'm the reason he's in counseling because we don't get along and I treat him like a little kid. (Ok, so what about all the years you were in counseling before we even MET you at the age of nine?) I'm managing to stay calm and just waited on his little tirade to be over, which of course made him more mad because I'm not listening to him. Oh yeah, and he's almost 18 so he can do what he wants.


    Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. I just keep telling myself...breathe, breathe.
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oooh, so sorry...

    He's not going to register the stuff about counseling or whatever happened b4 he was 9, until he's middle aged ... just a random FYI, LOL!

    My difficult child did that this a.m., too. But I tried some diff things and it worked out. Yay! I don't know if your difficult child is too old for this kind of thing ...

    He was waiting for a friend to call and he never called back. I suggested he make his bed and wash a frying pan. You can imagine how well that went over. Generally, that's enough to get him looking for things to do on his own.

    I then told difficult child to get his backpack so I could check his Friday Folder. (Ea wk's papers get sent home, plus notes, and you sign it.) I have learned not to say, in general, "Give me your backpack," because he'll have a hissy fit like I'm intrusive. So I say something specific--I'd like to see xyz book--and that works out much better. After I got the backpack, inside it, I found a new sudoku puzzle book and asked him to show me how to do it. He said No, but added that he didn't want to do it at the kitchen table, he wanted to sit on the couch in front of the TV.

    Many moons ago, I would have taken umbrage with-his definitive "No," and the situation would have deteriorated. But this time, I went with-the couch idea, despite his "No," and he actually showed me several puzzles (which I still have a hard time understanding!) and we spent about 20 min. having a good time.

    I've discovered that "NO" and "I'm bored" are my son's way of talking, no matter what the situation is. They are not carved in stone, they're qualifiers. So now I work around them.

    He finally decided to call an entirely diff friend, and everything worked out fine.

    Good luck this weekend! Looks like he'll be underfoot.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I once found the perfect compromise -- I gave her the remote but I got to keep the batteries. This was all done with a huge grin on my face so she knew I was kidding. She started laughing and took the remote. It certainly beat the arguing for it.

    After a little laugh, we talked about the fact that her chore really needed doing. She agreed it did but there was something on tv she really wanted to watch and she gave the name of the program and time it was on. So, we made a deal -- she watched the one program and then tv was off and her choice of music was on while she did her chore. It was nice to come up with a solution that didn't involve a battle.

    As to the idiotic comments about it being your fault, I'd just agree. Hopefully, one day our kids will understand that we're not the ogres they think we are. Until that time comes, grin and bear it seems to be the best option. If you give any concrete examples to show they are wrong, they just get upset or try a different tangent, anyway.
  4. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Sorry about the hissy fit and the aggrevation you are enduring, however, way to stand your ground!!!! Good for you. I have trouble with that, I tend to give in way more than I should. Keep breathing. :smile:
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We get around the "turn it on, turn it off" dramas by threatening to shut down the house electricity. This means all computers, computer games, phone chargers - everything - will be shut down until I get compliance. Needless to say, I haven't had to do this. But if I ever have to, I will be removing the fuses. Step 1, throw the power switch. And if they ever dare turn it back on themselves, I will remove the fuse wire myself. The kids do not know how to change a fuse, they can only deal with circuit breakers. I'm counting on their anxiety being high enough for them to not want to TOUCH the house power board!

  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    There's an idea! As long as I have a good book I would be fine. Even after dark, I've got one of those crank flashlights so I could still read. We have circut breakers though and I don't like messing with them either. Too bad. If we still had fuses, I could just pop them out and stick them in my pocket. As it was, I thought I was going to have to stick the remote down my pants somehow to keep difficult child away from it. That would be about the only place he wouldn't go after it. husband is off work today so I think I'm going to let him have his turn with difficult child and I'm going to go off by myself for awhile. hee hee hee hee
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    We get around the "turn it on, turn it off" dramas by threatening to shut down the house electricity. This means all computers, computer games, phone chargers - everything - will be shut down until I get compliance.
    Marg, I love it!!!!
    I just wonder how long it will take difficult child to look out the window and figure out that the neighbors still have their power? Still, it's worth a shot.

  8. ma2sevn

    ma2sevn New Member

    ah the joys of 17itis combined with emotional disorders! I am glad for my sense of humor and sarcasm, and my trusty Paxil. You may not stoop to this level, but I was getting crazy along with my difficult child (she is now 21)when she was that age....I had not yet learned all the helpful things I now know. So you are way ahead here! My difficult child left home at 17 and Iwas glad to see her go. She didnt stay gone for long though and she is still coming and going. I was able to tell her no she couldnt come back but she keeps getting pregnant and I do feel some responsibilty for thehealth of her children. ususally she gets tired of living here after about 3 weeks and off she goes. This last time I got alot of housework out of her cause I agreed to pay her court cost and some legal fees in exchange for house cleaning. Worked great till she got a job!!! Anyway, hang in there.