Had 2 good days.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by StressedM0mma, Nov 25, 2011.

  1. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Well, I tought we were going to have a good trip. Wednesday and yesterday went very well. We went out shopping today and it started great, but I could see things were starting to bother her, and I couldn't get her away from it, and then it happened. She lost it. In the middle of forever21. And she stormed off. Normally my husband handles difficult child when she does this but we were with my mom, and she tore after her and ripped into her telling her that she can treat me like **** but she can't treat her like that. Yeah just what we needed. That totally sent difficult child over the top. We have been home for over an hour, and difficult child is not calming. She is threatening to run away, being spiteful, and defiant. And, then I started crying because I was just upset, then my mom starts yelling at me, telling me she won't ever do anything again. I just wanted to make it through one holiday. Now I remeber why I want to be home alone. I hate that no one understands what we are dealing with. Now, I have to keep an eye out and an ear out to make sure she doesn't leave my mmoms house. I think she just ran. I think my husband just went after her. ****!! I can't keep doing this.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I am so sorry it's turning out this way. I have similar issues with my mom and difficult child 1. I finally had to tell her to let ME do the parentling and if I want her help or suggestions, I will ask. Otherwise, we'd be where you are all the time (my mom lives very close to us).

    Don't forget to take some ME time. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}
  3. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm sorry that it was a bad day. Do you think that the crowds set her off, or was it something that someone said to her? How long will you be at your mom's house?

    I know exactly how you feel, and this is why I dread going to out for some holidays. I can just never predict how difficult child will behave when we get there.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I understand the "all I wanted was...".

    We had to give up entirely on the "family holiday" thing... the reunions at xmas/new-years/easter/etc., the weddings, and pretty much everything else... like, 10 or 12 years ago.

    Of course, we're not popular at all. Family now prefers to pretend we don't exist.
    But we just couldn't deal with the fall-out.
    The kids are starting to understand why we spent our lives this way... (thank goodness).
    And the kids are starting to get to the point where they can handle small bits of this stuff... but family doesn't understand "small bits" (like, a 3 or 4 hour "meal" situation)... with my crew, you're expected to show up no later than 7 a.m., and the day isn't over until past midnight (husband's crew expects a week, not quite so intense on any one day). We just can't do it. Any of it.

    Hopefully, it will be different with US and the next generations...
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I cant handle Jamie's family and always choose to stay at a motel now. Finally have convinced Tony that is the best thing to do but it took some doing on my part to get him there. He was adamant that we stay at our son's house for years but it was killing me. Our middle granddaughter is just not pleasant to be around 24/7. Not to mention my daughter in law. Hailie is really a difficult child who started out that way and by two was cussing me out. I have never had the pleasure of being cussed out by a 2 year old before and it took me by surprise when she slammed the door on me while calling me the B word...lol. And then to have her mother sit on the couch sit there doing nothing was just something I didnt quite get. I had a wide-eyed Keyana standing there like...oh my gosh! That didnt just happen. Then Keyana tip-toed away into another room to sit to play with a doll so she wouldnt be seen or heard because she thought the sky was gonna fall. It would have in her world. In Hailie's, nothing happened to her.

    Not much has changed because we never know what mood we are going to walk into.. nice kids or bratty kids. Its stressful. So we take them in small bites and then go back to the motel for periods of time and come back for another few hours. We really wish we could be close like we are with Cory's kids. I know we are going to grow up much closer to them. Right now McKenzie is only a baby so she isnt that tight with me but I know as she grows up it will get closer. I have never been that big on infants. I wasnt even with Keyana but boy when she started to get towards a year and then older she was my little sidekick. I cant wait till I can get them both together and have two of them to take places.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Wow, Janet, even Q didn't do that when he was little... And no matter the reason, I want him to learn the skills to make people feel better, to help him to repair relationships that might be affected (will be affected) by this. When he asked as loudly as possible why my sister was acting like a B to him.... (first time he has ever done that so blatently in front of people) I let him calm down for a little bit. I knew confronting him would escalate things. Then when he was sitting in a corner with his ds, I told him he had a choice... since he was having a hard time controlling his words, he could get ready to go and we would go home and relax. OR...he could go and apologize to his auntie and check in with her to see how he could make it better. He went to her and at first from 15 feet away said sorry (no eye contact etc.) I said, ok get your coat. He then walked over to her and called her name (we have REALLY practiced this.... you get their attention first, look for thier face to turn to you then say sorry) and he said sorry properly. He ended up sitting with her and going thru the ads (thats when they found the stationary bike to escape from me...teehee).

    Doesn't matter why, they have to live in the real world and I just feel it is my job to help him gain skills to function in it....at least as much as he can.

    I have wondered if I am going to have to reduce my group events now. If he doesn't go back to baseline Q, not easy but doable.... I think I may have to make a decision like IC. My family would understand though, they would just feel badly for me and Q not angry with us.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My daughter in law doesnt see all that much wrong with her dtr. Oh she gets mad at her and screams at her constantly but she thinks that is perfectly normal. She thinks she is a wonderful parent. In fact, she has started babysitting the kids next door! That is going to be a nightmare because both little girls are named Hailie, both have issues. I am convinced my hailie is either bipolar...well I think it is temper dysregulation disorder along with some parenting issues, and the other Haley is either high functioning autistic or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). My daughter in law says oh she is just ADHD. No, I have seen ADHD for years up close and personal and this kid isnt ADHD. Yeah she is active but her social skills are nil, she cant make eye contact and she stims and toe walks. She has Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). What kills me is the mother works in the school system somewhere in the Special Education dept and she doesnt recognize it in her own kid. Pitiful. My daughter in law says teacher but I have met the woman and I doubt she is a teacher, she doesnt seem bright enough to be a teacher. Maybe aide or 1:1 or even secretary or something like that.

    But I worry about anyone being babysat in that house. daughter in law loves to sit on FB all day and let the kids watch TV to amuse themselves but my hailie has a mean streak and will turn on the other one. I have seen it. One day she went up to the other little girls house and invited her down to her house and as soon as haley H got down to my Hailie's house she turned to Haley H and said "go away, I dont want you hear" and slammed the door in her face! I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette and was astounded. My daughter in law was outside too when it happened and she just looked at Haley H and told her to go home, that her dtr didnt want to play anymore. I would have tore my kids butts up for acting like that. My hailie doesnt get any consequences for her actions unless I do it when I am there and she hates me for it and my daughter in law goes behind my back and undo's it by saying there there, its okay, grandma didnt mean it. Then she takes her out of time out early. I dont even spank her like I would do Keyana for bad behavior. Heck, I hardly have to spank Keyana but I am perfectly capable and have the parents permission to treat her as my own child. I am expected to treat Cory's children as my own.