Had a meltdown this morning - sigh.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Oct 14, 2009.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    I feel like I'm going nuts. What's going on here is just wrong and I don't know what to do about it.

    difficult child 1 is just a nervous wreck which translates into him being a miserable bastage (thank you "Johnny Dangerously!") to everyone. He's picking on difficult child 2 and 3 constantly. We went pumpkin picking on Sun. and ended up dragging the boys out of the food court by their hair, pushing the baby stroller with my elbows with difficult child 3 screaming in tow. One nice thing was a giant of a man stopped me in order to tell me that Evie was the "most beautiful baby he has ever seen".

    In the car (sans pumpkins) difficult child 1 proceeded to scream, curse and declare that I had no "f-ing" authority over him. I declared that I'd show him who had authority when I ripped his head off. They were all silent for the remainder of the 30 min. car ride home.

    AH, oops, I mean husband, naturally didn't come (as usual). The kids were glad because "he's too cranky all the time and would spoil the fun anyway". They also noted that "he only comes if it's a party for us - in his mind for the other parties he thinks f#@* the other kids" (meaning their cousins b-day paries, communions, confirmations, etc.).

    One minute he's nice to me. I've been reading about what I can do to improve communication, he starts acting like a pill. It's almost like he's getting a kick out of watching me spin. The passive/aggressive **** is driving me mad! He plays that stupid video game all the time, except when he's doing work at one of our friends house. This weekend he finally addressed the leak in the roof that's destroying our bathroom ceiling. "Oooh-ahhh, I'm so impressed, yes - you're the best thing since sliced bread, ooooh-ahhhh". Gimme a break already!

    difficult child 1 is up every night at around 3a.m. with stuff going through his mind like: why do kids want to be my friend (he couldn't make friends in his old school - he was concentrating on not being beaten up), why doesn't dad think I belong in my new school, what if I lose my pen during a test, what if I like a girl, what if I'm a minute late for class, what if someone scares me, etc.

    He started up with difficult child 2 & 3 this morning. difficult child 3 got on her bus and he aimed his sights in on 2. When he professed that he'd dance if difficult child 2 got "murdered on his way to school" I lost it. I'm ashamed to admit that I used foul language at him. He went to my Dad/Sisters and I told him not to come back. I then proceeded to tell AH that he could go find some other dope to do this job. He headed out the door and called back "you guys have a good day now" and drove up the street.

    I quit. I'm packing up my toys and going home. "King of the Road" is my new theme song.

    Oh man, I'm losing it.

    Last edited: Oct 14, 2009
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm so sorry everyone's falling apart, Beth. Sounds like the H is seriously depressed -- at least that's how mine presented before he went on medications. It affects everyone in the house, including the kids.

    Doesn't help that you've got a baby in the mix to exhaust your energies dealing with difficult child's AND an obnoxious H.

    The best thing I did for myself when I was feeling the way you are now was to find a good therapist. I couldn't fix husband, I couldn't fix the difficult child's, but I could focus on how I coped with all the garbage and hopefully get out of the emotional pit I'd fallen into.

    Major hugs to you, dear. I'll join you on the road trip if you want!
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Beth, along the lines of what gcvmom has posted, someone once wisely said to me, "You need to take care of yourself while you're taking care of others."

    When I found myself snapping and irritable at everyone in my household, I knew I needed help for myself. I went on a low dose AD, which took the edge off my stressed-out feeling, and began to see a therapist. I love having a place to dump my feelings every week.

    Hugs to you!
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Beth, I'm so sorry that things are in chaos like that.
    First off, many hugs. Gentle ones, hard squeezes, whatever you need.

    I agree with the advice about getting a therapist for yourself. You need a safe place to talk about everything that's going on with you, where you can get nurtured.

    Also, have you thought about going on strike? Just stop. Stop interacting with those who can't be pleasant to you, whether it's your H or your difficult child or anyone else. Stop doing housework for others who don't appreciate it. Clean only what you need to clean in order to maintain your sanity. Start doing something just for you that you enjoy. If your H isn't willing to work with you, then work around him. Find things that make you happy without reference to him. He can either participate with you, or step out of the way.

    On another post (StepTo2's Columbus Day one, I think), Marg gave some great advice on dealing with passive aggressive behaviour. I wonder if it would work when dealing with your H.

    Just tossing out random thoughts, in the hope that something in here will help the situation.

  5. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Hugs. SW already said what I would say. Therapist and medications or supplements. I also excercise when I am not in crisis.

    It is so hard when the person who is supposed to love and support you does not. Whether it is a conscious action or not, it is just hard