Half Way

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Littleboylost, Jul 1, 2018.

  1. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hi all;

    Well Evan is half way through the 6 month programand he is doing very well. He has had 3 leaves 2 24 hour and 1 36 hour that he is presently home for.

    He was out too late with girlfriend last night and I was up until he came home. Pacing and worried. I do no believe that he has relapsed but the behaviour is indicative of drug behaviour. Defiant out past curfew and a bit arrogant. I gave him a dressing down today.

    I wish he would get rid of the girlfriend very soon. If it wasn’t her it could be someone worse.
    We drive him back tonight after the Canada day Fire works.

    I am sick with a high fever and feel lousy. Ugh just my luck.

    He does well in the program and has accomplished obtaining one credit and is working on another. He will have 3 credits to obtain when he is discharged in September.

    We have an IEP assessment planned for him as well.
     
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  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi lbl.

    You sound as if you are either holding your breath or talking through clenched teeth. Or both.

    I am very glad Evan will soon go back. Because this cannot, should not be about your holding the line. Which is what he is doing. By acting out.

    It is easy for me to say. But I would bring this forward to his counselor, so that he is forced to confront and take responsibility for his transgression of boundaries.

    My own son, a decade older, does this. He crosses boundaries, and then says. Oh. I will accept the consequences.

    J. You are 29. Not 9. It is about acting right. In the first place. Nobody wants you to suffer. Nor do I want do punish you like you are a tot on a time out.

    Except I get that I am the one who is still stepping up to play this game.

    Lbl. With e going back tonight, you can rest and get your energy back to you and healing.
     
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  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hi a Copa and thank you;
    Myra I am aggravated and annoyed as it is a behaviour of a defiant drug addict that I am still seeing. I get that old habits will die hard and I am glad he will still have to manage through 3 more months Of his program.

    Yes we will be writing a post RL report forbhis counsellor to manage with.

    I also have to have more GS givin him and less fear. It is what it is however.
     
  4. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Cherish the good times and remember that drug addiction is a relapsing and remitting disease. He will take some steps back. That is part of the process. Don't forget to keep up with your program of detachment with love. The journey is still in its early stages.

    E needs to know you will put him out again if necessary should he revert to his old ways.

    Glad to hear the program has been good for him. I wonder if it may be best for him to be released to a less restrictive treatment center/halfway house in another geopgraphical area rather than back home, once the program ends. He is already showing signs that he will fall back into old and bad habits if he comes home.

    Just a thought - good to see you.
     
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  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Although, yes, there are other negative females, I also hope there is a way he can go elsewhere when he is out. This girl is bad news, bad for your son and the mother is worse! Maybe next time he would find a better girlfriend. With a normal mother. He needs to do well outside the rehab as well as in it and the girl is not a positive force. What you can do about it right now is nothing. I hope he truly embraces sobriety and finds this girlfriend less attractive.

    Heres sending you lots and lots of luck and love.
     
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    Last edited: Jul 1, 2018
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I agree with the others, lbl.

    Evan may be telling us he needs to transition to a new environment where the regressive pull is not so strong. Or maybe not. I don't know. Is this called a geographical in AA? Seeking change by changing scene.

    It is not to scapegoat the girl (although she seems not to be a prize.)

    I went to an AA meeting this past week. I was so impressed by the newly sober members. There was such desire there.

    What I am trying to say is that this is their journey. You. I. Need to be ready to cut them loose. And accept their terms. This is what I have never ever been able to do.

    I see it with Evan. Because he is yours not mine.

    In my own case maybe I am getting there, in the sense that I am beginning again to see my own life as the canvas upon which I must compose. Not his.

    Your own life is very very full. You are completely worthy of your own focus and force.

    I accept what bbu writes, that this is the nature of the disease. But I have allowed my energy to be drained and sapped and dissipated for years

    Evan and j need to be their own pilots and enforcers and bouncers. You are too good to keep doing this. This needs to be his life work. Not yours. Not mine.

    In guess I'm writing a manifesto or a song of liberation. It is time.
     
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  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Sober homes are hard to find here and not well maintained....flop houses with pot and alcohol use rampant and unchecked. If there was an option that was a good one I would agree 100%.

    He had a rough few days and was pissed that we reported back to his program the breaches of his visit agreements. Yes he stayed clean but the behaviour is not cool!! He had a major breakthrough in therapy and his therapist and I spoke at length today.

    He will have another RL (Real Life visit is what they call it). We have position the “Talk” the rule is clean and sober or not you break curfew and we don’t let you in and you can find you own way back to rehab. Your 100% right BBL have to nip it in the bud.

    He is still processing. We haven’t had a phone call yet this week. That is a good thing. He is learning to self regulate and manage his emotions. Before it would have been an alphabet soup of cussing out via phone calls.

    He is being evaluated tomorrow to advance to phase 4 of his program. I was told tonight he will be getting the advancement primarily become of how he managed with this challenge. Seeing the behaviour risks and appreciating that is part of the addiction is critical to staying in recovery.

    When he is released he is still in the program and will do back in touch visits one weekend a month or more if needed. I can not express how amazing this program is and how disappointing it is to see so few embrace this opportunity fully.

    Life is nuts for me right now. I wish I had more time to visit the site. Mid all of you!! Think of you all often and your words of wisdom carry me through every day.
     
  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I am glad you were open about reporting the breaches of his conditions. I think E needs to know you won't support any failure on his part to abide by the conditions of his program. One lapse often leads to opening the floodgates, in my opinion. I too wish he could make a new start once he graduates. I hope he continues the progress he has made thus far; hopefully he will come to the realization that the whole Cop Mom situation is just going to lead back to old ways of thinking.
     
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  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    He was here nw for a second 36 hour leave this one went 100% perfect. I stayed a new post with a few updates.
     
  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I am so thinking he will do it and I have everything I can cross in my body crossed!!!

    Kudos to E!