Hard day

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by mof, Jul 19, 2017.

  1. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    well, just a hard day.

    I was right, son lost his job, why, who cares I don't think he's being honest.

    He is sick at girls house and low on money. He has not asked for anything, but his life is soon going to get very tough. He will get a job and make it or be homeless. Pretty sure her family has sucked him dry since few work, but also believe he was using the needle again.

    Here's the bad part , lol. We will not assist him. I told him what is coming up he will need to deal with, the mission can help and they may want to hit a few food banks

    Unless he calls with humility and wants real help, that's all we're doing.

    Tough love sucks, but I know it's right. He's not in the street. He may go to jail, hopefully he won't deal, he may get work and squeak by.

    But not with us. I will keep my home peaceful, drug free and safe for my two other boys who show no signs of any issues.

    I will try not to let the grief overwhelm me, for I know I deserve better... it's a hard day.
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  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Cyber hugs to you today and every day.

    You are doing everything that you should do. He has chosen this difficult journey. He can and will figure it out.

    You cannot sacrifice four people to save one. Your husband, yourself and your two young sons. I did that for many years in our own home. It doesn't help anyone, least of all the person we are TRYING to save.

    Your son, like mine, has all the advantages in life but chooses to take the hard road. Why? I don't think I'll ever find the answer to this but I really hope I do someday.

    They say everything happens for a reason and that is my silver lining.

    He KNOWS you are there for him if he walks the right path and that is all that matters.
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Prayers for you and the rest of your family. So sorry.
  4. Awakening1990

    Awakening1990 New Member

    I absolutely feel for you and the pain that this is creating. I also admire your strength to know what you need to do for you and your family. My son is in same boat, lost another job. He has not asked for anything either, and We are not helping with anything, except all the emotional support he can handle, which he is not utilizing at this time. You are right, tough love does suck.
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am right there with you. It sucks and at least 3 times a day I want to call him and tell him to come home.
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  6. ColleenB

    ColleenB Active Member

    I am so sorry for your hurting mom heart. It is so hard when they are not doing well. It is like having your heart completely broken.... I get it.

    Some days I cry and think I will never be happy again, and then other days I manage to keep busy and try to find joy in the small things I do have in my life. We are trying to find some peace now that our son has moved out but I do think of him all the time and wonder....is he ok? Is he using? Is he lying to me?

    Thinking of you and sending some healing vibes..... hugs
  7. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Warm hugs for your hard day. :group-hug:
  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Aw, I'm sorry, mof.

    This is the crazy-making part for me, when I KNOW what's going on but hope I'm wrong in spite of my gut telling me otherwise. It's "mommy sixth sense" turned against us. I'm sorry you had to go through the gaslighting again.

    Great on you, mof, for being the strong mom you are, to ALL of your sons.
    Indeed you do deserve better, and hoping that tomorrow will be. Many hugs to you tonight.
  9. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Well, I don't want him home! Sad but true.
  10. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    I love my sons too much to let one scar all of us deeply. Not their fight or responsibility, and my marriage is very important. Husband has severely detached, remember he does prison ministry... very aware.. sigh
  11. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Thank you. I know the lies are flowing and have a hard time with why they think as they do. Therapist says it's the addict brain, just doesn't work like ours. Well....sadly sober they have a chance, but the drugs snatch it fast.

    Never did any of us want to be this kind of Mom.....
  12. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    i am so sorry for your breaking heart. At times it feels like our hearts get broken over and over. Your post brought me to tears because I know how hard this stuff is. Stay strong, be kind to yourself. This to shall pass and the sun will be out again. Sending you many many hugs!
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  13. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am so sorry to hear this. It is truly soft love MOF you are not abandoning him you are enabling him. And you have every right to grieve. My hear is with you! Stay strong you are doing the right thing!