Have you ever noticed

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
There is definitely a disparity floating around out there. I've had a lot going on, however it's frowned upon by "various team members" when I cannot make a meeting because of illness, lack of childcare, etc.

We were scheduling wm's next staffing & I was concerned about kt. I've no childcare set up & have no prospects for this kind of situation yet. However, that didn't seem to matter to the others. The meeting was set up during an hour that may not fit into my schedule. I cannot bring kt along to a staffing.

I noticed that while kt's staffing was scheduled for yesterday I had notified key members that I wouldn't be attending because I was ill. There was a certain attitude that I didn't care enough to show up. However, some of the other "professionals" were ill & the meeting was rescheduled.

When did parents become pawns? It's okay for others to call in sick or have childcare issues - if we have the same, we are uncaring?

Something really wrong with this attitude.

Thanks for listening - really needed to vent this morning. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif


Former desparate mom
And you care, why?
Self absorption doesn't just belong to difficult child's.
The world revolves around some adults too.


Well-Known Member
Your skin needs to be a little thicker and your attitude a little more :warrior:. Who cares what they think? There is desparity in life at every turn. You know you and husband are doing the very best you can for the tweedles - I tell both my kids all the time that if you know what you are doing in right in your heart, don't worry about what others think. If you know in your heart what you are being asked to do is wrong, don't do it.

Linda, we know you care, booster youself up as we see you.



New Member
been there done that so many times and yeah it would make me want to scream.
Stupidly I canceled a mammo twice becuz sw'ers set up "urgent" appts for the same day/time of my mammo. Then they canceled the meeting at last min. The 3rd time, I refused to change my mammo. The sw'ers decided "I" needed a lesson on my priorities.
The school set up an IEP meeting, same day/time as dtr had a psychiatrist appointment. AND less than 10 days notice. I said we could not make that IEP time..change it. They told me, no we can have it without you. Uh, I think NOT.
Our WRAP facilitator used to argue with us about appointment times and said we could cancel the psychiatrist appointment to come to the WRAP meeting. oldest difficult children therapist would tell us cancel the psychiatrist appointment to come to therapist. psychiatrist would tell us to cancel pediatrician appts to be at psychiatrist.
It was nuts.
Oldest difficult child was a witness to a crime, court date was set for same date as sons surgery. I called court to say I HAD to be 5 hours away with son, for surgery. Court told me they would issue a warrant for her arrest. Surgeon moved surgery up closer, we showed up in court......and ---the states attorney had court continued for 3 months! I was SO mad, my dtr was not the criminal, she was a witness......and my son had nothing to do with any of it, and poor surgeon wound up booting someone elses surgery to do my sons just so my dtr would not get arrested.
It drives me NUTs. I have been screaming about it for years. WRAP wanted to schedule a team meeting when I had MY final exams. They were insistant I blow off my FINALS. Yeah right.
ANd then too often these places would try to twist things and say I was not getting the help for my kids that my kids needed. A couple times they did call CPS and complain. ANd --I had to show documentation of WHY I did not show up for certain meetings etc.....and prove I DID explain ahead of time WHY I wouldn't.

I feel for you. It is so hard when they get so unreasonable. It makes life even harder than it already can be.


Well-Known Member
I think that it is not uncommon for us to want the approval of the professionals we work with. I also think that because those professionals work with parents that, quite frankly, don't really care and are unwilling to invest the time in their troubled children, there can be a bit of an "attitude" when you simply can't make a meeting, or appointment.

I know I get that at times in regards to my difficult children and their education. After all, my job is education related and don't I know how important it is they do "fill in the blank"? Yes, it's important. To me, even. However, I'm not fighting that battle anymore. And I point out that the battles are having the opposite effect on my difficult children education-wise.

I think some of us worry about how the pro's perceive us more than would should.

Try not to let it bother you. You are dealing with a very delicate, and complicated, situation trying to balance the needs to two difficult children. Plus, there's illness and other life situations. They should try and walk in your shoes for a week.


Well-Known Member
How dare you not feel well enough to attend! Don't you know that you are supposed to submit a form ESD327 at least three weeks in advance (in triplicate, please!) of any emergency/urgent absences? :rofl:

Sorry, I couldn't help myself Linda. :wink: I hope you are feeling better soon and that the meeting successfully rescheduled to every one's satisfaction. :warrior:

I know you are a wonderful, loving parent. If they can't see that, they are sitting on their brains!!! Don't let it get to you - I know, easier said, then done. In the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter what others think. All that matters is what you and those closest to you think. Hang in there. :warrior:

Please do something nice for yourself today. Hugs WFEN


New Member
Linda, it is true. Us mom's don't have a life according to many of those professionals out there. When I deal with stuff like this I just ask myself which is more important? And then put on my rinoskin coat for the call to cancel whatever took a lower priority. -RM


New Member
For approx a 6 month time I had to print our weekly schedule out for our case manager along with provide phone numbers for confirmation of everything we had on our calender. AT the time we had weekly pre teen group for oldest difficult child, weekly psychiatrist, twice weekly therapist, 4 Xs weekly behav mod doctor, weekly family therapy, and every other week IEP meetings.....and husband was critically ill and needed transport 5 times weekly to VA and I was in nursing school. AND son was going to Shriners monthly. VA was 90 mins away and Shriners was 3 hours away. But of course each professional thought THEIR appointment was The Most Important. And goodness forbid, the dentist, pediatrician or school field trip that might really topple the apple cart.
Case manager could not juggle it any better than I could. ANd she gave up far more quickly than I did.

Yes, they should walk a week in our shoes. and oh boy it got worse when "I" could not walk......it REALLY tipped the apple cart when they had to figure out how to make everyplace wheelchair acceissible for me so I could go!

I feel bad for you-------I would not go back to that crazy time for all the tea in china.
Why did I care what "they" thought? Cuz they could sic CPS on us...they were supposedly guiding the treatment of my kids......and often tried to point the blame not at the illneses my kids had but rather at the parenting......If "they" could gain credibility that it was becuz of my parenting, my kids would be left out in the cold with no "help"

I am not sure how many parents are out there getting services for their kids who really do not care.......I have a feeling there are more that DO care but who cannot figure out how to jump thru all the hoops, so they are made to LOOK like they do not care. Parents who have to work for a living to pay for the services cannot just take all that time off work all the time. Parents with other kids have to also juggle the other kids, whether the other kids are difficult children or not, other kids do still have needs. I know our school does nooot make it clear to parents that they CAN attend IEP meetings.....The school sends a quiet little notice there is going to be an IEP meeting......and busy parents sometimes do not read the whole entire package of paperwork, and the paperwork implies this is simply a technicality that they get notified of a meeting......it was not that the parents did not care- sometimes it was they did not understand.

Kinda the same way we look at a kid and think, gosh there are medications to help THAT.....but......how often have us here had medications for our kid that made things worse? But people look at the parent and think, assume......the parent is not "doing anything"
THe majority of people DO care about their kids. Some people get sick of trying to access resources, some do not know about various resources, some do not understand things, some are getting help and the help is not yet working......and sometimes the "help" is turning things around to make it LOOK like the parents do not care. -----sometimes becuz the "help" does not want to shoulder the blame for the help not working. They would rather blame the parents.


Active Member
This is why I'm becoming more determined to become a case worker. I'm tired of having to train nearly every professional that I come in contact with. I'm tired of having to defend balancing the needs of all 6 members of my family. I'm tired of them looking for quick fixes and not understanding that this is a long-term project. I'm tired of getting blamed for their mistakes. I'm tired of having to defend my position as my child's parent. I'm just tired.

Linda, there is something very wrong with their attitude. I think it is based on denial -- because if they had to admit how very sick our children are, they'd have to admit how incompetent they are to fix the problem and how society has let our children down.

timer lady

Queen of Hearts
You are all right - why should I care? Guess my :warrior: armor needs to be shined a bit more.

Just got back from the doctor - seems I have influenza along with bronchial pneumonia. Can't imagine why my immune system would be a tad weak.

I'm going to bed for the next 4 or 5 days. kt is remaining at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) this weekend. There are enough sick kids there - doctor says I'm pretty contagious at this point.

Thanks ladies - you've knocked some sense into me. I'm over it. :hammer:


Mom? What's a difficult child?
As if you couldn't do it all... you should be dissappointed inyourself!!!
Don't you love it!!!
I am much newer to this "game" and I am learning slowly, it does baffle the mind at how insensitive others can be... husband has been my big pusher to be stronger about saying NO and firing people... especially medical people. I don't know why we always want them to "like" us, or feel a connection. But it would be nice...huh.

Gosh I hope some of these things I read about here I can avoid with my own g'sfg. All the inevitable meetings to come...

Try to get some rest...

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
I agree with the others, who cares what they think? You sound very sick-take care of you and feel better soon. Hugs.


New Member

don't go to the other extreme and beat yourself up because you do care and sense their dispproval. I think that's normal, after all we do want to be accomodating because we are trying to do everything necessary to help our kids. But it would be nice if they would realize that you can only help your kids if you are in a position physically and emotionally to do. the old oxygen mask thing... and that for you to help your kids they need to help you be as strong as possible, which includes not making unreasonable demands on you, particularly when you are sick.

No doubt they have gotten so used to you being superhero that they are having trouble adjusting to a wee bit of reality. Like adults do get sick.

Sorry that they are not a tad bit more sensitive.