Hearing Officer

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    We see the hearing officer at school today and he/she will tell us if difficult child is allowed to go straight back to mainstream school or has to go to alternative school. They are trying to say that this transitional program they now have could heelp difficult child because he was in middle school before and has been in Department of Juvenile Justice a year and it could set him back to go straight to a large, open campus type high school. While I see that point, I'm thinking that difficult child didn't get into trouble at school and shouldn't be punished by the school system, his head is on straight right now and he has academic ambitions and is motivated but it will be a blow to that to have to go to school where there are shortened days, the focus is on discipline, and the academics are sub-standard; plus, he has a transitional plan and supports in place now (po and mentor) that will not be there next year so it appears to me that now would be the time they would want to transition him- not after these extra supports are no longer there. And of course, I'm concerned that the "minimum 9 week transitional period" which will be the rest of this school year, will turn into the rest of his high school years and basicly blow his academic ambitions. And right now he has good grades so if they drop due to adjusting to new types of class style and tons of homework, etc, they won't drop enough to fail once they are averaged in with the grades he has- I can't see one transition now and another, bigger transition in the fall.

    difficult child's position is that he was never caught up into drugs (I guess he's thinking in terms of having a drug habit) or gangs and hasn't been a discipline problem at school the last 2 years and he's concerned that if he's going to school with people who have, it will be his downfall be/c he'll get caught up into worse than he has before. I think these are valid points- but being a disciplinary officer, he/she might not listen or care about a single thing either of us have to say.

    We are both nervous about this but trying to prepare each other for the worst and tell each other that he can do this and just do whatever it takes to be allowed back into mainstream at the start of next school year, if they won't let him go now. We both said last night that this is like waiting for another court hearing in front of the judge to find out another sentence. SIGH...

    And now I find that difficult child was on the computer during the night...
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    I think, honestly, given that there is not much time left in this school year, it really doesn't matter either way - because at the end of the summer, it will be a transition no matter what. Summer to school.

    ...LOCK DOWN THE easy child!!!!! We had to do this. What happened there???
  3. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    k, I agree about pushing for the mainstream high school while the supports are in place.

    How is he getting on the computer? I thought you had a plan in place to prevent the temptation? Disconnect the cable or take the monitor into your room at night. And, if you have comcast, you, as the administrator, can schedule an off time for the computer. When my p.c. first got her laptop in middle school, I had the internet turned off at 9 pm Sun through Thur. I could access it on mine, but her laptop was time restricted. Perhaps you need to do that on the p.c. If you have trouble, call comcast and they will walk you trough how to put a timer on the internet.

  4. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He got accepted into mainstream! And, since he is staying in JROTC for now, if he decides he wants to stay in it next year, they are going to help him get a variance to remain at this high school. It will be his choice to either move to the new high school that will be opening in the fall (that we are zoned for), or to stay in this high school and be able to stay in JROTC.

    The computer- I will be locking the keyboard and mouse up in the car until I have some time alone to figure out and incorporate another plan.

    He starts school tomorrow morning. They (at school) sound like they will really be helpful in actively supporting his goals of getting the advanced diploma and long term goal of becoming a vet. It's up to him now to either take advantage of this opportunity and rise to the occasion or try to manipulate and sneak around it. I hope he knows better than to push this one too far. I hope he gets it in his head before it's too late that you can't succeed at goals like that while getting into drugs or hanging out with those that care more about staying up all night than getting homework done.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im glad.

    What is it with so many difficult child's who want to become vets? I think that is the most common profession I have heard out of difficult child's.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He's manipulating me....I will NEVER go to batt for this kid again. He's on his own to sink or swim. Nit Wit. He can spend his entire adult life talking about what he could have done and been id he hadn't been so stupid.
  7. ML

    ML Guest

    Gentle hugs K. What a whirlwind. Sounds like he needs some help getting stable. I'm thinking of you guys.
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I"m glad he will be going to mainstream. Did I miss something on the he is manipulating part and you will never go to bat for him again? I feel like I missed a part.
  9. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What happened k? Whatever it was it must have happened suddenly. Hope you are ok. Please post and let us know what is going on.

  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I'm fine- thanks for asking. He hasn't done anything at all violent or aggressive. (TG!) But last night he confessed that the whole previous time of cutting and insinuating suicide was to get himself out of trouble. Ok. Then he included the time of this stuff when he was first incarcerated. Well, how much did that cost the county and the state? Then he said he did it because he knew it would lead me to try to get him into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) instead of him being sent to Department of Juvenile Justice. (Wonderful.) But when he realized it wouldn';t work, he confessed it in open court- because otherwise, it would have been lying to the court/judge.:faint:

    Ok- so let's just wipe that slate clean. Today everyone was telling him about support for his future and all these things they were willing to do to help him meet his own goals and advising difficult child NOT to tell everyone where he has been. Tonight he comes home and I let him call his old friend- that I thought was a good kid. difficult child immediately starts telling this boy everything that had happened (Never mind that difficult child had just told me if he told this boy anything, it would be like broadcasting it to the whole school), and difficult child is bragging about what all he had done- but admittedly, he said "my mom called 911 and had me arrested and locked up is no fun", but then proceeds to tell this boy what all he got up and did last night. And I'm too tic'd to even go into that.

    difficult child doesn't know I heard this conversation. He's trying to lie when I am saying things to him like "this is your last chance at home; you have used me up; you have a great opportunity to make good choices or bad choices- it'sup to you"-- he is continuing to try to BS me- last night he was telling me how he had it all figured out how to look like a sweet, innocent kid who'd never do anything wrong.

    OK- at this point I honestly do realize that we are talking about status offenses, or whatever they are called when it isn't an actual law that violates another's rights. I'm not wringing my hands in a pnaic attack. I am P.O. ' D.- big time. I told him they obviously released him too soon- he still needs supervision 24/7 and I can't do it. He has had great opportunities in the past and he's continuously chosen to ignore them in choice of what he thinks he knows better. I told him I would not even show up in court again if the need arises or come to any visitations. This was after he tried to put it all backon me- if hadn't ssaid ABC or done XYZ- B. S. (He went to his BR at that point.) But honestly, when you know the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis is ruled out and the kid stands there and confesses that he did that just to get you to get him out of trouble and then turns around and brags about stuff AFTER you have advocated for him getting another chance----well, can I duct tape him up now?? We won't even go into what he bragged to this boy about- that he did LAST NIGHT- knowing he had this hearing today. And these people today, along with me, are talking about how to help him meet his goals of JROTC, advanced diploma, and becoming a vet??

    He better stay in his bedroom. And there will be consequences. I'm just not sure what they will be yet- he's on house arrest already. Maybe I should tell PO that 2 weeks isn't long enough. Then- the JROTC leader from the Department of Juvenile Justice school had called so difficult child called him back and difficult child acts like everything is wonderful. Really, it's like this kid has no clue how lucky he is right now- even though he spits put these words that say that he does.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds like he learned to talk the talk to the powers that be. Who knows, maybe that is all that he needs to do to at least stay on just this () side of the law for now. Maybe it will grow into a habit. Annoying as heck to know everyone is being played but you really cant expect a complete 180 kid. Manipulation is their middle name.
  12. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hope difficult child stayed in his room last night.

    You know, I just don't know about this k. On the one hand, difficult child is letting you know how he manipulated everyone - he's talking - is it guilt or more manipulation - I don't know. But I do know that his bravado with his friends is typical. He's feeling like the tough guy because he's "been there and back" and probably feels like it will get him attention. Obviously teens don't place the same "negativity" on this stuff that we do.

    Should you meet a friend at the grocer you are not going to immediately tell him where difficult child spent the lat 15 months. But I can really see kids his age using this as a way to get his name out there and have kids look at him with awe - go figure the mind set. I don't believe you telling him not to tell anyone and his telling someone who used to be his buddy is a difficult child thing - kids are going to talk and share stuff we just don't want to know about!

    One thing that bothers me is his placing some of the responsibility on you for this matter. What happened to the "I brought this all upon myself" stuff he talked about in letters and on the phone with you? Manipulation?....... As far as the 242/7 supervision, I kinda thought you were pushing for difficult child to come home now. Certainly you can't be his "jailer" but you can let him know in no uncertain terms that since he is on house arrest, school is the only legitimate reason he is out of the house and you are obligated by law to report an offenses. Would he rather you were thrown in jail?

    I think it's a lot of pressure for him right now, just as it is for you. This is like a bright new world for him. The pressure of getting into ROTC and an advanced diploma, which means more academic core classes than a standard diploma, might be too much. As the mother of a child who got an advanced diploma, I can tell you that certainly it is helpful for college admission, but more helpful is a higher grade point average and well-roundedness. And vet school, well it's harder to get in than medical school! Do you think the bar might be just a tad too high at this point? Not meaning that he can't do it, just that the stress of achieving so high might be counterproductive?

    Oh, go ahead and duct tape him!

  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I always wanted to duct tape cory...but my favorite vision was bringing one of those 6 x 8 foot dog kennels in his room and setting it up and locking him in...lol. He used to sneak out the window and the door so much that it was the only way I could see keeping him contained!
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    He stayed in his room last night. For one thing, I never gave him a chance to take a nap so he was exhausted and for another, he honestly was VERY excited about going to school today. I had to take him this morning because they didn't have him in the computer system yet, allowing him to ride the bus and get his schedule. He's set now though. He has a good schedule- these people are trying hard to help him transition easily and support his goals.

    I know he's just teetering between trying to stay out of trouble, trying to look cool, and being tempted to do typical teen stuff that he really can't do without getting caught back up into the very things that lead him to trouble to begin with. Hopefully, if he keeps pushing stuff I can catch it before it turns into a real illegal activity and it can be handled by a PO action alone that gives difficult child a strong reminder of why he better keep his butt in gear. I'm assuming this teetering back and forth is typical for a teen coming out of a long incaceration and hoping this is what the mentor really is focusing on helping with.

    As far as JROTC, the advanced diploma and becoming a vet- These are all his goals- he's not being pressured to do them. We all know they are high goals and difficult child knows but we are not telling them they are unattainable and if they keep him motivated, it's fine with me. If it turns out that he gets the standard diploma instead or whatever, there's not going to be a problem. He goes back and forth about becoming a vet and of course, that's up to him, too. I do remind him that if he really wants it, he needs to do ABC. He seems fine with that so far. He looked up college requirements for becoming a vet while in Department of Juvenile Justice, on his own initiative, and called and told me about them. He is going into mainstream with all A's and B's with the exception of Spanish, which is a high C. We expect his grades to go down some as a result of transitioning, but shoot, if this keeps him getting up and going to school, I'm not saying a word. LOL! He got about 5 ribbons in Department of Juvenile Justice's JROTC that will transfer to this JROTC program and he's very proud of that. Plus, last night he found out that this friend is also in JROTC and they march in parades and so forth - which was considered a great privilege in Department of Juvenile Justice so difficult child is pretty motivated about it. It will give some continuity from Department of Juvenile Justice and that might help with things all the way around- and sometimes he still mentions the possibility of going into the military after high school instead of college. We'll see. My main position is that if this gets him thru high school, that's the main thing. If he does want to go into the military we have been told that if he doesn't break the law again and stays in JROTC, it will be easy to have his previous Department of Juvenile Justice record waived and get accepted in. Right now he's looking at it like being in JROTC is something he can show he has already started excelling in and gives an excuse for showing up to high school with REALLY short hair.
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2010