Heart broken called police today

[mar37x1teen]

I'm heartbroken, shocked, can't sleep. This morning, my 16 year old flipped out, put his hands around my neck and pushed me in the floor. I called the police. Now he's gone. I love my son. I know he is loving but something has just not been right with him since the end of June 2014 just before school got out. He was hanging around a new bunch that smoke dope. He said he wasn't smoking dope so I believed him but man, something had to have been going on. I was trying to get him in to see a psychiatrist but the nearest appointment is November. The police sent him to live with his father 2 1/2 hours away. His father has hardly been in his life and has mental health problems, he tried to kill himself and the step mother and dad have both been in the psychiatric ward. Why on earth would the police send him to live there? I work real hard and I have taken real good care of him I don't understand why my son became so hateful. I'm so shocked. I can't get all my words out.

 

[GuideMe]

I too have dealt with and do deal with a violent teen. The police never take it seriously enough for whatever reason. You HAVE to think about yourself right now. He will be ok, trust me. There is no difference in what path he will choose in life whether he stays with you or his father. Remember, you have to think about you right now. Just remember what it felt like when he attacked you. Keep that image in your mind alive and well. You can still be there for him as a parent, he doesn't have to live with you for that. He will probably be calling you by the end of the week to beg to come back to live with you, if it last that long.

 

[TerryJ2]

mar37x1teen,
I am so sorry. I hope that your aching heart will heal in time.
I've called the police on my son more than once, but they never took him away. He had (and still has) a diagnosis of Aspie lite and mood disorder not otherwise specified, and the police just talked him down. He was scared enough that it pretty much did the trick. All I have to do is whip out my cell phone if he acts violent and he'll "get the message."
He used pot for a short time, and boy, did it make him a complete jerk! Meaner than mean. I know what you were feeling.

Knowing that your ex has mental health issues, and that they run in his family, I would guess that your son also does, and the weed triggered it or exacerbated it. If he calls you, consider telling him that 1) You love him very much, and 2) you'll only take him back if he agrees to counseling and medications, and 3) the appointments need to be made and kept before he ever sets foot in your house again.

Deep breath.
I tend to agree with-GuideMe, partly because of the genetic component, and partly because he's got to go down this path to come out the other side. Seems obvious that he'd be using with you or with-his dad.

 

[BusynMember]

mar37, your son is not just smoking pot...he's doing some serious drugs that make him a danger to you and others. Choking you is very serious. I know you want to think it's just pot, but it isn't and his friends are proof that he is into drugs. Druggies hang with druggies. I had a daughter who d id drugs and we thought it was pot only too, but after she quit we found out it was speed, meth, cocaine, ecstasy, you name it. Please be careful. Your son is in dangerous territory.

My thoughts: If you can, put him into a hospital. However, I do not believe this is only a mental health or behavioral problem. If you have younger kids or value your own life, I would not allow him to live at home anymore. Let Dad keep him or look into residential or foster care after hospitalization. If it turns out to be strong drugs, and I think it is probably a form of speed or even the dangerous synthetic pot, he needs rehab. I mean, I could be wrong, but I would be extremely surprised if I am. Drugs is what usually make our kids that violent. It doesn't help that there is mental health issues in his family tree, but it is a fallacy that the mentally ill are often violent. They are usually not violent just because they are mentally ill. But drugs and mental illness do cause violence. Remember...

Your son is 50% his father's DNA whether your son saw him or not and nature trumps nurture every time. Well, maybe not EVERY time, but very often. His DNA is a part of him. Even pot can deeply harm somebody with those latent mentally ill genes in him. Do what you can before he is eighteen, but don't let him live with you again. That's my two cents from experience with daughter who took drugs.

The police sent him to Dad to avoid sending him to juvie or a mental hospital AND because he is a danger to you and they are concerned. Maybe you can get him admitted to a hospital where he can be drug tested. However synthetic pot, which is VERY dangerous, does not show up on drug tests. Many drugs don't show up and the kids know which ones don't. I'm so sorry for what happened.

Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.

 

[mar37x1teen]

I'm so glad you guys have replied. I am sooo shocked and lost I don't know how I will ever sleep. The police told me that my son will be living at his dad's for an extended period of time. My son is not allowed to contact me because of the violence. It's just been me and my son for 16 years. I am soooooooo lost. By myself, no family near me they are over 3 hours away. He didn't want to go to his dad's. It was hard when the police made me pack my son's clothes and I watched him crying, walking down with his bag. He did tell me he's sorry. And I told him I'm sorry. This is going to be really hard. No phone calls or anything. I don't know what to say.

 

[mar37x1teen]

MidwestMom,

I think it would be great for my son to go through a christian recovery program. I haven't been able to get a hold of our pastor yet but when I do I'm asking him to help get my son into one. I thought I could believe my son when he said he's not doing drugs because of how mad he was at his friend for doing drugs and said he wasn't letting his friend drag him down that road with him. I don't have any other children. It's just me and the cat here now.

 

[BusynMember]

Just make sure t hey know how to deal with drug involved kids. They are very sneaky. My daughter really had my fooled! Make sure it isn't just about Christianity because, as much as we wish that would do the trick, it usually isn't.

Crossing fingers, eyes, and toes...anything that's crossable. Take good care of yourself too. It is a stressful time and you need to remember to take good care of yourself. We are all holding your hand and are here for you.

 

[Wiped Out]

Mar37,
I am so sorry for your pain. Will he still be able to keep his psychiatrist appointment now that he is moving with his dad? I do really think it is important if it is possible. It could be drugs but could be more of self medicating if there is an underlying mental health illness. Wrapping you in warm hugs and welcoming you to our little corner of the world. Sorry you needed to find us but know you will find much support here.