Hi, I’m new here. Been reading and lurking while learning more about my son (and lets be honest, coming to accept/process it all) so here I am finally posting. My signature has the basics for now And I’d like to share about my son – because I can’t really opening talk about it with others around me (aside from my husband and family) without getting a lot of judgement and it hurts. Its long. I'm sorry. I just need to get it out. My son, has ADHD, ODD, and Conduct Disorder. His behaviors have also been manifesting in sexual manners. His therapist is working with him on that, suspects he may have been a victim of abuse or is being exposed to very inappropriate things somewhere. This past fall, kids at school got him riled up (they tend to do that to see what will happen and no matter how many times it happens, he just can’t stop himself) and he ended up poking a boy in his privates with his hand (he poked his back and arms – they were horseplaying so I can’t say he intended to hit the privates). Due to his past record (saying he was going to “hump people” on Wednesdays, calling a kid a “condom”, and peeking over bathroom stalls to scare people) they expelled him. I’d been asking for an IEP for years, and the school wrongfully denied our requests (I was very uneducated in Special Education laws until this winter). To make it worse/harder, my ex wouldn’t allow our son to get therapy/medications/assistance at school for his behavior. I think he wanted him to fail at the school so he could tell the courts our son should go live with him (we live in different towns). So, thanks to a really great lawyer, I was able to get temporary control of school for my son, IEP evaluations, medications, and fight to get him into school without my ex on board. We meet on 4/11 to argue making that permanent. Ex did NOTHING to help me get son on track this winter and spring so I’m confident that this will stay. Lawyer then took on the school district. We got the IEP done, got him back into school (at a different elementary school in our district to be away from those other kids). I got him into therapy. I got him onto medications. Its been exhausting. Son was out of school for 3 months – I hired a tutor to work with him on work the school sent me so he wouldn’t fall behind. We went nearly broke trying to keep him on track and get him help – but we did it. He got into school and things went great the first month and a half. He has an aide that is nearby to assist him “in the moment” when he’s about to explode so he can learn how to calm down, be appropriate, and self-regulate. Wednesday morning, he didn’t report to the aide in the morning like he’s supposed to. And while the aide was trying to find him, my son ran into a kid that he’s had beefs with before at a daycare they went to last summer. He proceeded to tell that kid “get out of the field and stop jerking off”. The kid growled at my son like a wolf (no idea) so my son put him in a headlock “to protect his friends!” needless to say, the playground monitor saw it, and both boys lost lunch recess. I met with the school about why the IEP wasn’t followed and we made a change that will prevent that in the future (they were meeting on the far side of the building at a door before school, now I’m dropping him off directly into the office). But for real guys. When will I be able to just breathe. And not feel like a failure 24/7. I don’t want an overnight fix or cure (well, I’d LOVE one but I know that’s not possible). I feel like the worst mother ever most days. And I am starting to hate my ex (we’ve been divorced for 10 years – I am generally pretty indifferent toward him). I just can’t stop looking at old pics and thinking, this isn’t how it was supposed to go. That little baby doesn’t deserve these big problems. But for all my time and effort and everything, it doesn’t seem to matter. I just feel lost and lonely and overwhelmed and misunderstood and pulled far too thing in 100 directions for this kid.