HELP!!!!difficult child & masterbating....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by whateveryousay2007, May 27, 2008.

  1. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member

    Okay...I'm calm despite my title. My 8 year old (very soon to be 9 year old) was dry humping himself yesterday. I acted like I didn't see it while he was doing it (I didn't want to embarrass him) and then told him that if he needed to touch his pee pee (that's still what he calls it) that he needed to go to the restroom that he shouldn't be touching his private body where people can see him do it.

    (note...he was on the couch in the living room while we were watching t.v.) he acted normal and calm (I don't think he was aware he was doing it) and told me that he's having problems with his pee pee. I knew what he was talking about...the morning pee hard but he's quickly approaching the age for puberty. (he's not going through it yet....he's always woke up with the morning situation....and despite his age he still is not embarrassed about being naked)

    But...with that being said I know that masterbating is a normal part of childhood and I don't want him to feel ashamed about it....what do I do?

    I spoke with my dad & brother about it yesterday to see if they wanted to talk to him about his body since they're guys. husband is not the best guy to talk to about it....believe me!

    Any ideas?
  2. Christy

    Christy New Member

    I think you handled it pretty well by telling him that if he needed to touch his privates it should be done in private. You didn't tell him that it was wrong, just not appropriate around others.

    Does puberty really start that young? Now I'm in a panic. I have been lucky that that is one of the few issues my son doesn't have (YET!).
  3. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    Son is almost 12 and, at home, doesn't have a problem with being naked. He hasn't hit puberty yet. When he does, maybe he'll have an issue with it. About six months ago, I asked him about it. "Son, you still feel comfortable being naked around your Mom"?

    "Mom! Of course I do! Your my MOTHER", he said. Then he went on, "but anyone else besides you and Dad, NO WAY"!

    That made me feel better. As far as the masturbation. It's normal. When I caught Son doing that (absentmindedly while watching TV) I "mention it in passing-type thing"-"Son please do that in private-like your bedroom"

    "Oh, okay. Sorry".

    Not a big deal. Just a "take it some where else" attitude.
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I think you handled it great. The big issue is its something you do in private. I guess next time you catch him in the act in a "public" place, non-confrontationally ask him to go to his room to continue. Make it as big a non-issue as you can.

    My difficult child walks around with his hands in his pants all the time. Its one of the things we're trying to work on right now. With minimal success...but hey, tis life with the difficult child's.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm was/am responsible for talking to my son about his body, it's changes, sex, etc., since bonehead would never even think about it.

    I've told my son that masterbation is natural, but only in the privacy of his own room. I read the book "What's going on down there" and then left it on his nighttable for him to read and then ask questions. It covers that topic (plus a miriad of others in a kid-friendly manner).

    I think you did fine by just letting him know it is a private manner.

  6. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I agree with the did fine. It may not be a bad idea to have one of the guys talk to him about it simply because they are guys too and have been there done that. One other thing pops to mind though. My difficult child went to husband once because he was a little worried. Apparently he had been masturbating for a while but got kind of freaked out the first time he actually ejaculated. I guess he didn't know that part and it took him a bit by surprise. That may be something for the guys to talk to him about so he doesn't think he broke something.

    As LittleDudesMom mentioned....books are good too. I know there are a lot out there that explains all sorts of things well. Our difficult child has been pretty good though about coming to us with questions. Mostly he goes to husband but he's asked me about things also, usually about girls or what the differences are/how things work on girls, etc.
  7. fuddleduddledee

    fuddleduddledee New Member

    I caught mine a few weeks back on the couch watching TV with his hands down his pants playing with himself, as I walked by I asked him, "Did you lose something down there?" I then reminded him that it's a private thing to be done in your room or the washroom.
  8. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member

    Just a quick soon to be 9 year old looks like he's about 7 (he's small for his age...4'3 about 55 lbs). So it may very well be that he'll be 12 or 13 when it hits. I was told that him playing with himself just feels good and it's normal.
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    It is completely normal.

    It is always a shock when we see our young kids do this, but try to keep the shock off your face. The more matter-of-factly you handle it (and I think you did great) the better it will be.
  10. missy7222

    missy7222 Guest

    I think you handled things just fine. Don't make a big deal, it is normal, although kind of uncomfortable to think about our kids doing it.

    My 8 year old daughter went through a stage around 6-7 when she would masterbate at night. She use to call it a game, it was her way of calming down and it helped her to go to sleep.

    I always told her it was ok, but that it was something to do in private, by herself.

    She doesn't really do it anymore at this point.

  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds fine to me.
    When my son used to get out of hand, I've give him a choice of being with-the family and watching TV, or leaving and going to his rm to continue his private activities. 99% of the time, he chose to be with-the family. Sometimes I think it's a boredom thing.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ok, i've raised five past eight and none of them played with themselves in front of us by then, BUT you say this kid has Aspergers? That's just part and parcel of the "not getting social skills" stuff. Unlike other kids, they often need to be text book taught about social norms. Very often they don't mimic other kids or pick up on even easy social cues. I think you did a fine job. Aspies often are concrete thinkers so explaining it in a clinical way may be the best way. My one Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) son actually didn't do that in public, he he's more aware of what others think than many Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids. Considering his diagnosis., I wouldn't worry about it. If you explain it enough to him, he should stop. It could be a "stimulant" for him, but there are more acceptable stims. Good job!
  13. whateveryousay2007

    whateveryousay2007 New Member


    Yes...he is an Aspie. He is very concrete in his thinking. When I told him to adjust, touch his pee pee in private he just said ok...and went on his merry way. Later I asked him if he understood why? He said it's my private body. I get it, he gets it....I've come to realize with Aspies if it's not black or white they don't get it.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, each of my kids has had this come up at some age. Masturbation is actually very common in small kids. And is natural at ANY age.

    I think you handled it great. Just keep being matter of fact, and keep the communication open on the topic.

    I know I was a bit irked with my husband recently. I have done the sex ed with the older 2. Youngest is a boy, so it is husband's turn. But after some commercial, thank you came in and asked what a condom is. I HAD to answer, I don't want it to be "secret" info, nor do I want his PEERS teaching him about this stuff.

    But I asked husband to at least bring the subject up 6 months ago!! No matter what questions they ask about sex and their bodies, we try to be matter of fact and answer openly.

    I think that is all you can do.
  15. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Yep, another vote for a job well done, Mom! I think just a matter of fact kind of statement that that's a private activity best suited for bathroom/bedroom is just right. Great job (oh the things we learn as mothers, LOL).
  16. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Another who thinks you handled it fine. My difficult child was masturbating at a very young age. Even though we told him that it should only be done in private he didn't listen until the pediatrician told him.