WantingPeace
New Member
I'm new and I am not really sure how this works...but I am at my wits end and looking for help or at the very least other people who understand..God I am sitting here crying..I don't know how much more I can handle and even saying that I feel stupid. I mean after all he is just a 12 year old boy. I am sorry if this gets a little long but I have nobody to talk to...
ALmost 3 years ago I met a man, Steve and fell in love with him. We just recently got married He has 3 children who at the time lived with their mother and I have 4..my little girl who is 11 lives with me full time and I share custody of my 3 teenage sons with their father. We moved in together in April of 2006 and in August his exwife called us one day, she was having some problems with her boyfriend and wanted us to take the kids for a few days. We did, but then when we tried to drop them back off, she refused to take them, saying she just couldn't handle it. I ended up taking an emergency leave of absence and ultimately lost my job to take care of the kids full time because the youngest was only 3 then and was not in any sort of daycare setting. They have been living here ever since. We had found out some things that had happened while in their moms care and after a custody battle the judge awarded Steve custody and only 4 days a month visitation to their mother. The youngest a little girl had some behavior issues but has responded well to time outs and discipline, she started kindergarten this year. The middle is a boy, he is now in the 5th grade. His behavior isn't horrible, he has a big problem with lying but it's always about stupid things. All in all he is a good boy and so far has been doing great in school. The oldest boy..he is now 12, and in the 6th grade...he is the reason I am wondering if they make drugs strong enough for me to get through another day. His name is Gavin..Before they came to live with us, we didn't see all the behaviors that might have given us a clue of what was to come. Then over the last 2 years it has steadily getting worse. How he made it to the 6th grade I don't know, since March of his 5th grade year he hasn't done any homework. He will come home and scream and cry about his homework..it's too hard or whatever else he can think of. We try to help him but unless you are giving him the answer, in his eyes you are not helping. The screaming will last from the time he comes home until he goes to bed. He throws things, he is a bully to his siblings. He lies constantly and is very aggressive. At one point he tried to take a metal baseball bat to his younger brothers head and god only knows what would have happened if he had not been stopped mid swing. I have been bitten, had things thrown at me and I am constantly being screamed at. Last year he told his teachers that he wasn't getting his homework done because his father beats him up. Then we had DSS show up on our door because he was claiming that his dad was throwing him into walls and picking him up above his head and throwing him from the living room into the bedroom. His father is 6'4" witha heart condition this is not physically possible for him to do. He cheats in school and last year he stole from his teacher. We tried getting help but for the longest time we had a hard time getting anyone to believe what we were saying because Gavin was very good at playing the victim role and in front of other people he is very calm and collected and will just sit there with his head low and will actually throw his arms over his head like he is trying to protect himself anytime you try to go near him. Finally, we got help, somebody listened and he was diagnosed with ODD. They have tried putting him on Abilify, that did not work. They tried putting him on Adderoll (spelling?) because he scored borderline Add on his Connors testing...that didn't work..then most recently they tried him on Risperidone and that did not work. He is now on no medication at all. He will slam his head into the wall to the point he will leave bruises on his forehead, He punches the walls, the table..is destructive to the furniture and is physically aggressive to his siblings. He doesn't have many friends because he is too competitive on the playground. He thinks he is the best at no matter what they are doing and it is his way or no way. School has only been in session 3 weeks and he is already well on his way to failing. He has refused to do 2 projects that he had well over a week to do, and refuses to do his other homework. All he does is scream and cry from 4 when he gets home until 9 when he goes to bed. He plays our house against his mother's house. He will constantly lie about things his mom says or does and lies about our house to his mom. There have been alot of times that his father and i have had to cancel plans to go out because we can't leave him with a sitter. We can't go anywhere as a family out to eat or otherwise because we never know how he is going to behave. If it is somebody else's birthday or Father's Day or MOther's Day etc. He will go out of his way to ruin it for that person. His birthday he lied and told people that we didn't get him anything when in fact we took him to a baseball game and paid for him to throw out the first pitch and get an autographed baseball by everyone on the team. Then this morning I found out he is stealing food from the kitchen when we are not looking and I got a call from the school from my daughter crying that she wants to come home because Gavin and his friends were bullying her and making fun of her and they would not stop. He also told a girl on his bus that he doesn't get fed at home so he took her poptarts, he had just eaten a bowlful of cereal. So I went to the school and probably looked like a crazy woman because I am just so tired and fed up from all of this. And of course while I was in there talking to the principal,(his father had wanted him to serve a day of ISS, anything to try to get through to him) Gavin went back to playing the victim and sat there all teary eyed and quiet and was saying yes ma'm, no ma'm..the principal said they could not give him ISS from a parents request but they would try something else, she then wanted to talk to Gavin alone and I went home..God only knows what **** he told her after I left. His psychologist has recommended out of home placement so he is being referred to Eckerd Wilderness program and he will be there a year. We haven't heard yet that he has been accepted and he has to have been off his medications for 30 days prior to going. I am not sure I can last that long. All his care primarily falls on me because his father works. I am a substitute teacher only because I can't really do any other job, with all the school meetings and him getting suspened and last year his little sister was trying to mimic his behavior because she sees all the attention he gets as a result she was suspended twice from pre-k. So I needed a job I could choose to accept on a day to day basis and not get fired if I couldn't go in. But I tell you most days I am just too weak or depressed to want to do anything after they leave for school. I dread getting up in the morning..relax a little while he is gone then about an hour before he is due home I start getting migraines.. I hate the weekends and the days they don't have school because I know he is going to make my day hell. We have tried everything from loss of priveleges, loss of belongings, groundings, time outs, writing sentences, writing apology letters, extra chores, even spankings...we have tried bribing him, bargaining with him, we have tried the behavior contract and behavior charts. NOTHING works. And I do mean Nothing. He refusues to accept responsibility for anything, it's always everybody else's fault and he feels NO guilt for anything he does to hurt somebody, mentally or physically. It's scary. I don't trust him alone with his siblings and I really don't like being alone with him myself..last night I had a dream he tried to stab me in my sleep. He will starve himself if he doesn't like what we are having for dinner which of course in his eyes I am starving him because I am making something he doesn't like...one time he even put dish soap in the noodles I was boiling....I feel ike I want to run away, that this is not what I signed up for. I love his father so much and it would devestate me to lose him but I am not sure who I am anymore. I have no maternal feelings towards Gavin anymore and I feel so guilty about it...but I can't honestly say I even like him anymore. Please someone tell me you know how this is, you know how this feels..please help....
ALmost 3 years ago I met a man, Steve and fell in love with him. We just recently got married He has 3 children who at the time lived with their mother and I have 4..my little girl who is 11 lives with me full time and I share custody of my 3 teenage sons with their father. We moved in together in April of 2006 and in August his exwife called us one day, she was having some problems with her boyfriend and wanted us to take the kids for a few days. We did, but then when we tried to drop them back off, she refused to take them, saying she just couldn't handle it. I ended up taking an emergency leave of absence and ultimately lost my job to take care of the kids full time because the youngest was only 3 then and was not in any sort of daycare setting. They have been living here ever since. We had found out some things that had happened while in their moms care and after a custody battle the judge awarded Steve custody and only 4 days a month visitation to their mother. The youngest a little girl had some behavior issues but has responded well to time outs and discipline, she started kindergarten this year. The middle is a boy, he is now in the 5th grade. His behavior isn't horrible, he has a big problem with lying but it's always about stupid things. All in all he is a good boy and so far has been doing great in school. The oldest boy..he is now 12, and in the 6th grade...he is the reason I am wondering if they make drugs strong enough for me to get through another day. His name is Gavin..Before they came to live with us, we didn't see all the behaviors that might have given us a clue of what was to come. Then over the last 2 years it has steadily getting worse. How he made it to the 6th grade I don't know, since March of his 5th grade year he hasn't done any homework. He will come home and scream and cry about his homework..it's too hard or whatever else he can think of. We try to help him but unless you are giving him the answer, in his eyes you are not helping. The screaming will last from the time he comes home until he goes to bed. He throws things, he is a bully to his siblings. He lies constantly and is very aggressive. At one point he tried to take a metal baseball bat to his younger brothers head and god only knows what would have happened if he had not been stopped mid swing. I have been bitten, had things thrown at me and I am constantly being screamed at. Last year he told his teachers that he wasn't getting his homework done because his father beats him up. Then we had DSS show up on our door because he was claiming that his dad was throwing him into walls and picking him up above his head and throwing him from the living room into the bedroom. His father is 6'4" witha heart condition this is not physically possible for him to do. He cheats in school and last year he stole from his teacher. We tried getting help but for the longest time we had a hard time getting anyone to believe what we were saying because Gavin was very good at playing the victim role and in front of other people he is very calm and collected and will just sit there with his head low and will actually throw his arms over his head like he is trying to protect himself anytime you try to go near him. Finally, we got help, somebody listened and he was diagnosed with ODD. They have tried putting him on Abilify, that did not work. They tried putting him on Adderoll (spelling?) because he scored borderline Add on his Connors testing...that didn't work..then most recently they tried him on Risperidone and that did not work. He is now on no medication at all. He will slam his head into the wall to the point he will leave bruises on his forehead, He punches the walls, the table..is destructive to the furniture and is physically aggressive to his siblings. He doesn't have many friends because he is too competitive on the playground. He thinks he is the best at no matter what they are doing and it is his way or no way. School has only been in session 3 weeks and he is already well on his way to failing. He has refused to do 2 projects that he had well over a week to do, and refuses to do his other homework. All he does is scream and cry from 4 when he gets home until 9 when he goes to bed. He plays our house against his mother's house. He will constantly lie about things his mom says or does and lies about our house to his mom. There have been alot of times that his father and i have had to cancel plans to go out because we can't leave him with a sitter. We can't go anywhere as a family out to eat or otherwise because we never know how he is going to behave. If it is somebody else's birthday or Father's Day or MOther's Day etc. He will go out of his way to ruin it for that person. His birthday he lied and told people that we didn't get him anything when in fact we took him to a baseball game and paid for him to throw out the first pitch and get an autographed baseball by everyone on the team. Then this morning I found out he is stealing food from the kitchen when we are not looking and I got a call from the school from my daughter crying that she wants to come home because Gavin and his friends were bullying her and making fun of her and they would not stop. He also told a girl on his bus that he doesn't get fed at home so he took her poptarts, he had just eaten a bowlful of cereal. So I went to the school and probably looked like a crazy woman because I am just so tired and fed up from all of this. And of course while I was in there talking to the principal,(his father had wanted him to serve a day of ISS, anything to try to get through to him) Gavin went back to playing the victim and sat there all teary eyed and quiet and was saying yes ma'm, no ma'm..the principal said they could not give him ISS from a parents request but they would try something else, she then wanted to talk to Gavin alone and I went home..God only knows what **** he told her after I left. His psychologist has recommended out of home placement so he is being referred to Eckerd Wilderness program and he will be there a year. We haven't heard yet that he has been accepted and he has to have been off his medications for 30 days prior to going. I am not sure I can last that long. All his care primarily falls on me because his father works. I am a substitute teacher only because I can't really do any other job, with all the school meetings and him getting suspened and last year his little sister was trying to mimic his behavior because she sees all the attention he gets as a result she was suspended twice from pre-k. So I needed a job I could choose to accept on a day to day basis and not get fired if I couldn't go in. But I tell you most days I am just too weak or depressed to want to do anything after they leave for school. I dread getting up in the morning..relax a little while he is gone then about an hour before he is due home I start getting migraines.. I hate the weekends and the days they don't have school because I know he is going to make my day hell. We have tried everything from loss of priveleges, loss of belongings, groundings, time outs, writing sentences, writing apology letters, extra chores, even spankings...we have tried bribing him, bargaining with him, we have tried the behavior contract and behavior charts. NOTHING works. And I do mean Nothing. He refusues to accept responsibility for anything, it's always everybody else's fault and he feels NO guilt for anything he does to hurt somebody, mentally or physically. It's scary. I don't trust him alone with his siblings and I really don't like being alone with him myself..last night I had a dream he tried to stab me in my sleep. He will starve himself if he doesn't like what we are having for dinner which of course in his eyes I am starving him because I am making something he doesn't like...one time he even put dish soap in the noodles I was boiling....I feel ike I want to run away, that this is not what I signed up for. I love his father so much and it would devestate me to lose him but I am not sure who I am anymore. I have no maternal feelings towards Gavin anymore and I feel so guilty about it...but I can't honestly say I even like him anymore. Please someone tell me you know how this is, you know how this feels..please help....