I was cleaning difficult child's room tonight- I had planned to just clean it to get it "homey" and comfy. But after raking (literally) under his bed and scrubbing sticky dried soda or something off his night table and after cutting myself on a nice neon lamp I had gotten in MB and he had broken within one week- I'm not feeling quite so generous anymore. I'm going to do the minimum and he can do the rest. I felt so many feelings of resentment come back. I'm so sick and tired of peopple acting like this all happened because of how I raised him- must be- never mind that they all disagree on exactly how. The child would go wild- if I did something to address it, I was too controlling. If I tried to let it ride or address it from a mental health standpoint, I wasn't doing enough to keep him under control. There's the neighborhood's view, the sd's view, the legal authority's view, the ment health prof's view, the extended family's view. And of course, difficult child and my views. You know I mentioned before about this horrible area on his wall that I was going to cover with posters so he wouldn't have to confront it right off the batt? Well, it's in the shape of an upside down L. It would take 2 posters to cover it. I had bought 2 but was going to return the GAGa one. Anyway, he had duct tape over one area and I had assumed it was to cover a hole because he'd done that in several places. I pulled the duct tape off tonight because I could no longer stand his writing on there about cutting. Do you know that there was no hole. He just stuck the tape on the wall for no reason- but of course when I pulled it off, there came the paint. I worked my butt off in that room when we moved in. I saved for this kid, lost my job because of his doings, I could go on and on. He better be a different kid when he comes home. I never was a witch before to him but he's not coming home to the same mom this time.