lovemysons
Well-Known Member
After my hospitalisation in January, I wrote oldest difficult child a letter...sent to the SAFP facility. He recently wrote me back and sounded SO good! He was very supportive of me first off and concerned and then went on to tell me how he is no longer working in the kitchen...they Actually have him working with the counceling foundation. He is helping them facilitate client to councelor when the clients first arrive...how cool is that!
And what a sweetheart. Here is some of what he wrote...
"I want you to know you are one of the strongest women I know. My heart and world will always have a place reserved and dedicated to you alone. Along with me, G-d is always watching and helping (lol, he's right up there with G-d). He just works on a different time table than we do. But, how are you right now? Do you open up, to work on improving your conscious contact with G-d, each and every day? Is your home group being a healthy support group to you? Do you still remain open minded honest and willing on a day to day basis?"....
I am SO pleased that oldest difficult child, is so obviously, EXACTLY where he needs to be. I was so scared a year ago when oldest difficult child allowed me to help him turn himself in for charges husband filed on behalf of himself and a client that oldest stole from...so scared that all the horrors of prison would take my oldest difficult child places he could never again rise above and have a chance. I was wrong. It took over 4 months in one downtown dallas jail and another 4 months or so in another local jail before he was finally transferred to the SAFP prison rehab down near Houston. It would appear...that it is "working" in his life. He also told me his projected date of release is Aug 5th. He then will be transferred to a half-way house and have many house requirements. I think he will live there for 3 months before he then is completely out again (still on probation for the remainder of his time-5yrs altogether I believe). He will also be expected to pay probation fees and restitution. What oldest difficult child does not know is that the restitution checks will be sent to husband. The clients insurance has already taken care of their losses. I think we (husband and myself) will take a watch and see approach before offering Anything to oldest difficult child once he's out. My hope is...he won't need us for "things". My hope is that he will spend quality time with us not want to "Use".
On another front...
Young difficult child, now 18, is not doing so well working for husband...surprise surprise, same ole same ole. He met with a recruiter and went to the downtown dallas station with him yesterday to take the entry test...passed with an 88% which is good. He will be gathering his important docs to turn in on Monday he says. Young difficult child says he can enter as soon as 2 to 3 weeks. No idea if this is actually true. To be honest...I think young difficult child still smokes marijuana at the very least so not sure how he will pass a drug test. In any event...he can't get up on time for work as it is and his girlfriend takes presidence over his first obligations.
And...the other day, his girlfriend couldn't find her car keys. She ends up with her mother over helping her look for them. Young difficult child gets upset because her mother is over looking for them.
Turns out...young difficult child tells husband that HE threw his g/f keys out of his truck window driving down the street in a fit of anger at her. Swell. His problem...His conscience.
Young difficult child would like to think of himself these days as quite "manly" and fully responsible/capable...but other behaviors show otherwise. Detackk...I mean, Detach, lol.
We will see what happens with the whole Army thing soon enough I guess.
Thanks for reading this lengthy update...and easy child is still a easy child. I feel very honored whenever she trusts me with things she wont discuss/request advice from husband about...
husband and I...I just don't know. I really don't. We shall see. I know we have both been unwittingly willing participants in a fairly unhealthy lead role as parents. I wouldn't know these things without all of the al anon meetings I've attended for the past year. I am accepting of my part however husband is not in the program, see's himself as "beyond the program of aa" and is fairly intolerant of new ideas/thinking/behavior.
so...I just don't know right now about husband and I. It's estranged I feel. Sad...the kids (sons and their commotion) are no longer in our home, it's quiet and now I can "hear" the distance between husband and I.
Hugs and care to you all...ain't for the faint of heart, body, mind, soul! smile...
lovemysons
And what a sweetheart. Here is some of what he wrote...
"I want you to know you are one of the strongest women I know. My heart and world will always have a place reserved and dedicated to you alone. Along with me, G-d is always watching and helping (lol, he's right up there with G-d). He just works on a different time table than we do. But, how are you right now? Do you open up, to work on improving your conscious contact with G-d, each and every day? Is your home group being a healthy support group to you? Do you still remain open minded honest and willing on a day to day basis?"....
I am SO pleased that oldest difficult child, is so obviously, EXACTLY where he needs to be. I was so scared a year ago when oldest difficult child allowed me to help him turn himself in for charges husband filed on behalf of himself and a client that oldest stole from...so scared that all the horrors of prison would take my oldest difficult child places he could never again rise above and have a chance. I was wrong. It took over 4 months in one downtown dallas jail and another 4 months or so in another local jail before he was finally transferred to the SAFP prison rehab down near Houston. It would appear...that it is "working" in his life. He also told me his projected date of release is Aug 5th. He then will be transferred to a half-way house and have many house requirements. I think he will live there for 3 months before he then is completely out again (still on probation for the remainder of his time-5yrs altogether I believe). He will also be expected to pay probation fees and restitution. What oldest difficult child does not know is that the restitution checks will be sent to husband. The clients insurance has already taken care of their losses. I think we (husband and myself) will take a watch and see approach before offering Anything to oldest difficult child once he's out. My hope is...he won't need us for "things". My hope is that he will spend quality time with us not want to "Use".
On another front...
Young difficult child, now 18, is not doing so well working for husband...surprise surprise, same ole same ole. He met with a recruiter and went to the downtown dallas station with him yesterday to take the entry test...passed with an 88% which is good. He will be gathering his important docs to turn in on Monday he says. Young difficult child says he can enter as soon as 2 to 3 weeks. No idea if this is actually true. To be honest...I think young difficult child still smokes marijuana at the very least so not sure how he will pass a drug test. In any event...he can't get up on time for work as it is and his girlfriend takes presidence over his first obligations.
And...the other day, his girlfriend couldn't find her car keys. She ends up with her mother over helping her look for them. Young difficult child gets upset because her mother is over looking for them.
Turns out...young difficult child tells husband that HE threw his g/f keys out of his truck window driving down the street in a fit of anger at her. Swell. His problem...His conscience.
Young difficult child would like to think of himself these days as quite "manly" and fully responsible/capable...but other behaviors show otherwise. Detackk...I mean, Detach, lol.
We will see what happens with the whole Army thing soon enough I guess.
Thanks for reading this lengthy update...and easy child is still a easy child. I feel very honored whenever she trusts me with things she wont discuss/request advice from husband about...
husband and I...I just don't know. I really don't. We shall see. I know we have both been unwittingly willing participants in a fairly unhealthy lead role as parents. I wouldn't know these things without all of the al anon meetings I've attended for the past year. I am accepting of my part however husband is not in the program, see's himself as "beyond the program of aa" and is fairly intolerant of new ideas/thinking/behavior.
so...I just don't know right now about husband and I. It's estranged I feel. Sad...the kids (sons and their commotion) are no longer in our home, it's quiet and now I can "hear" the distance between husband and I.
Hugs and care to you all...ain't for the faint of heart, body, mind, soul! smile...
lovemysons