Hospital for 6 year old

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bugsy, Mar 5, 2008.

  1. Bugsy

    Bugsy New Member

    I can not believe this is really happening. Our son is getting more and more impulsive. He is a danger to him and others. He ran out in the middle of the car pool line (stopping moving cars). He then threw a large branch into the carpool line hitting a car. Shortly after that (and being dealt with) he threw a rock which hit our good friend in the chest and bruised her. None of these things were in anger, pure happy, not thinking, impulsive, no thought at all.

    After speaking with his psychiatrist, we agree the best thing would be for him to go to the hospital. The psychiatrist's hospital only takes from 7 years and up (our son is 6 years 10 months), so we did not want to go through the emergency room because they would have sent us else where. The doctor is going to speak with people at the hospital and see if they will agree with is age. Then we have to wait to see if there is a bed available. I can't believe I am even doing this but now have to wait G-D knows how long if they will even take him.

    I can't stop crying once again. The image of leaving my shreiking little boy at a psychiatric ward with minimal visitation is nausiating. I cannot get the image out of my head of what this will be like.

    This can't really be our life. It is so unfair. He is so little and we keep trying and trying and nothing seems to help. How can this be? How????
    Please tell me we will get through this.

    Right now I can't stop crying, I think I am going to throw up and just can't imagine when the day actually comes how he will be able to handle it and forgive us for leaving him there.

    Bugsy's mom
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Hi Bugsy's mom,

    I'm very sorry for your hurting mommy heart. Sometimes we as parents are called upon to do things for our children that seem unimaginable. It is very, very hard, but it really sounds as if your son needs this level of care at this point. If nothing is working and he's a danger to himself and others, you need to take this step. There are lots of parents on this board who have hospitalized their children, and they often report that it's harder on the parents than on the kids. psychiatric hospitals keep the kids very busy in a structured environment, and the kids seem to thrive there. Furthermore, you will have fresh eyes observing your little one 24/7, which will give you much-needed info on diagnosis and treatment. My son was recently in a day treatment program at a psychiatric hospital, and it literally turned his life around (we struggled with wrong medication combos for more than 2 years). I so hope this step makes a difference in Bugsy's life.

    Hang in there. We're here for you. Many gentle hugs.
  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    It is without a doubt one of the most difficult things for a parent to do. At almost 7 it's even worse. You know in your heart that you want to protect him and the idea of a "locked" ward is the polar opposite to protecting and nurturing as any mother can feel.
    My son was 11 but it wasn't the horror show that you imagine. He actually liked it there. My son felt safe. There were tons of activities. The dept. does everything for the little guys to make them happy. I think the staff is probably less nurturing to teens but seem really sweet to the little guys.

    Keep repeating to yourself that you are going to do what's right for your son regardless of your personal pain. How you feel isn't necessarily how he feels.

    Make sure he is safe in the hospital. Keep advocating and try to use this time to recharge your batteries. There is a situational depression that seems to come with relinquishing our children to the hospital system. Sometimes that is what our kids need.

    In the meantime, I would consider a shorter school day or staying at home. He isn't doing any favors to himself or school mates being out of control. It may ease his stimulation and his anxiety.

    Just a thought from a mom who has been there done that.
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Bugsy's Mom,

    I can totally understand your feelings. Your little one is very young. But the good side to this is the younger he gets help, the sooner he can live. I can't tell you how many times fellow posters have gone this route and found it to be a blessing.

    I do agree with Fran regarding a modified day at school, in the meantime. It will probably enable him to have some small successes where he is a "good boy" rather than being in trouble all the time. We did this for difficult child when he was raging several times a week at school at age 8. It was beneficial all around. The teachers saw a better difficult child, his friends didn't see his disturbing behaviors, I didn't have to run up to school and pick him up - just picked him up prior to lunch and he was always smiling. It went a long way to ease stress and anxiety for everyone.

    Lots of hugs for you today as you process this latest development. We are here for you!

  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    {{Bugsy's Mom}} I'm so sorry your mommy heart is having to deal with this emotional pain. I can't speak from this particular experience, but I've had to make decisions regarding my daughters that were also painful.

    The previous posters are so right - this may be the only way to help your little guy.

    Keep posting, that's what everyone is here for. Sending many gentle hugs.
  6. sandman3

    sandman3 New Member

    Oh, please hang in there! I know exactly how you difficult child 2 has been inpatient since 2-17-08, he's only 7 years old and I never in a million years imagined I would have to take that step. When the psychiatritst asked me if I thought he needed to be inpatient.....I knew I had to say yes, it was the hardest thing I ever did. But now, I am so glad I did! He's coming home tonight! They spent lots of time observing him, working on his behaviors, tweaking his medications until they got the right combination. I know it's hard for you right now, but it will be worth it!

    Also, what kind of hospital is it??? Strictly a psychiatric hospital or a Medical center? Mine is at a Medical center and I really feel like they worked very hard to help us, including dealing with the school for me and making recommendations to them. And, their visiting schedule was much more liberal (every day) and they encouraged as much visiting as possible. Usually the Major medication centers will take them from 5 years old. Something for you to think about!

  7. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I'm so sorry. Hopefully psychiatrist will find a bed.

    Bugsy, I'm a mod on the Early Childhood forum so I've really kept an eye out for responses of parents of younger children when crises like these hits. Often what parents of the younger ones are reporting is that their children do well in that environment. They feel safe and protected. There is a far higher level of structure than families and schools can provide. There is constant attention. The people in their lives who they are used to fighting an authority war with are either out of the picture or have minimal contact which helps them relax the knee jerk reaction they have to authority. medication changes tend to go better, especially when multiple medications are involved.

    I know this won't ease your pain but I hope it will help ease the image you have in your mind. Most of the younger kiddos do well in this setting.

    Hang in there and keep us posted.
  8. Bugsy

    Bugsy New Member

    Thank you for the support. I am so afraid and wish we didn't have to wait.

    Sandman3, It is a large hopsital, but they only start the mental health area at 7. The hospital that our psychiatrist is not with takes younger but I would prefer this hopsital and this staff. I see you are from NC. We are in charlotte. Just wondering if your child is in a charlotte hospital . I certainly understand if you do not want to share that.

    I just am in such disbelief. I never thought I could even produce this many tears.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    This is SO HARD on moms. Usually it is much easier on the kids. The wait seems to be unending after you make the decision it is needed.

    It is an opportunity to get the best help you can for him. The staff tends to be much more nurturing with younger kids, in my humble opinion than teens. It also will let the psychiatrist really SEE what you deal with.

    I will caution that many of our kids "honeymoon" or act on their best behaviors for a time after admittance. My son was older when he went inpatient, but he honeymooned for 6 weeks. I am not sure that younger kids honeymoon as long, but it is important to fight to keep him inpatient until they actually SEE the problems. They can't treat what they can't see. And if he is released you may find less help down the road simply because the "experts" couldn't see any problems. (With my son I had to make sure he acted up in therapy to stop the honeymooning. It was terrible, and a very ugly day, but it marked the beginning of real help for him - many do NOT have to do this, though.)


  10. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Bugsy, I agree about the honeymooning... K did this and did it well. They wanted to admit K full time, and I would not. Now looking back, maybe we should have. We might not have wasted so much time. They never saw the real K, I don't think. She held it together for 7 hours and came back to the Hotel at night with me... AND LOST IT... I would have to explain to the downstairs what was going on...
    I think the psychiatrist always doubted us a little.
    But needles to say, I saw and watched what was going on in the FHOSP. It would have been fine. K loved her stay, the structure, the games, the school, the snacks... the treats...
    It was fun...
    They talked about their issues and it was like 15 kids like her... all different ages, she met a 10 yo boy that she loved!!! They bonded so well.
    If it could have been her school I would have loved it!!!
    Believe me. I was a wreck, for weeks prior to going. But the people, genuinely want to help, at most of them.
    I would put K in Full time next time if she became too unstable. I would rsearch the place, try to go check it out as much as they would allow. And go with your Mommy heart and gut!!!
    Hang in there, I know this is SO hard.
    We are flying high right now as well, with K medication free... scary.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911


    Sending you the fuzzy, warm, soft friendship blanket for your aching Mommy heart. My son was 6 also the first stay in a hospital. Have a good cry when you leave, a warm bubble bath when you get home - and a stiff glass of wine before bed.

    Look at it like the beginning of help for your son. I think the things that hurt us most are sometimes those that are the best for our kids. Being a parent is hard work. Being the parent of a difficult child is a blessing.

  12. jannie

    jannie trying to survive....

    I am so sorry to hear that your little one is continuing to be so impulsive and unsafe. I'm sorry for all that you are going through. I know how hard you and the entire family has been working trying to get help. I truly agree with everyone else who has said that hospitalization will be harder for you than it will be for difficult child. They do structure the day with a variety of activities. Your little one is a charmer....he will thrive on the attention...the skilled staff will get to see your child 24/7. Hopefully they will be able to provide suggestions....Hang in there...there is hope.

    Sending great big hugs....
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry. I know how hard it is. My son had his first hospital stay when he was 8 so he was a bit older than your difficult child. He is just went into the hospital again on Sunday.

    I think it really is harder on us as parents. My difficult child loved the hospital the first two times he was there. This time he seems to still really like it just not as much as the first two times. The structure they provide for our difficult children is great for many of our difficult children.

    Gentle hugs to you tonight.
  14. AprilH

    AprilH Guest

    My son was hospitalized in the children's psychiatric ward here in town for ten days at age six also. I know it's hard to do, but believe me, it will get the ball rolling towards getting him evaluated and hopefully some more appropriate help for his conditions. I had been banging my head against a wall trying to get someone, anyone to take me seriously that my son needed help for about two years prior to my son being admitted. That is where everything started to fell into place with getting him set up in the system for help that he desperately needed, and also, it was a good cooling off period for everyone involved to get their heads together. The behaviors that you described that your son is displaying are very similar to what by son has been doing since he was about two and a half/three years old, and I am working on him going to a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) right now. I do not want to do this, but it is getting to a point where I am running out of options for him, and I am scared of what awaits me when he gets to be a teenager.

    The earlier you get an intervention for you, your son and the rest of your family, the better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep reading the posts of some of the others in here with older children. It will get harder in the coming days, but things WILL GET BETTER ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. I am slowly learning to let go, and let the chips fall where they may, and keeping the faith that although it doesn't seem that my son will get any better (he may not, ever!) I can still so whatever is necessary to try and make him a productive member of society when the time happens. Sending BIG hugs to you and your family!:D