How about YOUR health?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by emotionallybankrupt, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    My difficult child has been physically out of the house about three months now, emancipated for two. I've felt a drastic difference in how I'VE been feeling physically in the meanwhile. As problems with her have gradually escalated over the past four years, I've had to go on more and more medications myself to control anxiety and blood pressure. (Before her issues escalated, I was on no medications except for hormones for endometriosis and antihistamines for allergies.)

    Since she's been out, I've been monitoring my blood pressure (while keeping all medications the same), and I've found it's been down an average of about 20 points. I had a doctor appointment today, and he's going to work with me on a VERY gradual reduction of medication to see if I may be able to eliminate some of it.

    I also notice a big difference in the muscle tension and general aches and pains I've been carrying around--much of which I had just attributed to the fact I am getting older.

    Has anybody else noticed a physical difference in yourself with difficult child out of the house, particularly with blood pressure issues? And were you able to get off any medications?
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  2. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    My health is generally declining due to my Muscular Dystrophy. That being said, I've lost and kept off about 30 pounds since M left. And as time has passed, my happiness factor has gone through the roof.

    I still have my moments, but overall, I enjoy their being adults. Now if they would only start figuring it out...
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    I am very fortunate to be very healthy as is husband. For us, our son being out of the house has developed into a sense of peace that we hadn't had for years.
  4. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Having difficult child out of the house has resulted in a drastic improvement in my mental health, and husband's mental and physical health. husband has lost over 200 lbs, his heart issues have gotten much better, and his bouts of depression seem to have abated. My depression is almost non-existent, my weight and fitness are much closer to where they should be, and my mood is better.

    It all comes crashing down whenever difficult child is home for a visit, as he immediately regresses and loses all the progress he's made at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but I limit his overnight visits to twice a year, so it helps...
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well with chronic renal failure I can't say my health has improved. lol But the tension is most certainly nearly completely gone! And I've found I have a pretty darn firm grip on detachment 101 with them out of the house. lol Happiness level has definately gone up.

    Even though Travis is here on winter break...........OMG, husband has not lost it with him once! They have real conversations. It's a frimping miracle! And Travis is following rules knowing if he doesn't he'll find himself right back in his campus apartment. lol

    I love it. :D

    But it's not all gone. My husband is also a difficult child. lol
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Yes, my health improved and my demeanor improved as well when difficult child moved out.

    However, when she moved out, husband started helping her out with some things. It wasn't as intense as when she was living in the home, but nevertheless, it probably was more than he was use to. AND since she was older, the problems were more intense. husband really felt the strain and I think it showed up healthy wise...back problems...grouchiness...,etc. He never went to the doctor before and I recall he started going at that point.

    Both of us have developed a different attitude about it all and together with her being physically out of the house, its been really much easier. It's not perfect, but it is not to the point that it is influencing our health.

    by the way, similar to what TR said, we limit difficult children visit time. She comes over for no more than 1 hour (longer for holidays though) and over nights are limited and on our terms.
  7. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The biggest lift for me was my mental health. I no longer dread going home after work. I no longer feel trapped in an abusive relationship with my daughter. I have a very active social life, but sometimes I *want* to stay home in my nice quiet apartment. I've been off anti-depressants for over a year now, and don't feel the need to go back on them.

    Physically, well, I've actually gained weight.. but that's all on me, I gotta say.. too much good food and drink while going out!
  8. Momslittleangels

    Momslittleangels New Member

    difficult child left home a couple of years ago and that relieved some stress in the house, but I was still dealing with easy child (who was somewhat of a difficult child at that time), so the full impact wasn't there. Then, about 2 years ago, easy child moved out for about a month or two and I remember it taking a few weeks to get used to having no one else around to "look after", clean up after, etc. It was so nice to only worry about ourselves and the house stayed picked up and it was great, but very different. I guess you get used to the chaos (ok, not really), but it took awhile adjusting to the quiet. But it was short lived and easy child, her husband and my granddaughter have been living with us for two years now. It will be strange when they can afford to move out, but as time goes on, I am looking forward to having our lives back (I would just miss them).
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I had a stroke....
    I had high blood pressure.
    I weighed 135 lbs.....I went to 284 lbs.
    My hair fell out.
    I grew a moustache.
    I felt tense, turse, and horrible.
    I had depression.

    Dude moved out -

    I was still most of the above. Could it have been a jolt INTO poor health? Dr. said possibly.

    It took me the last three years (technically six, but Dude's been out of our home for three) to get my health under control and determine what is wrong with me and get my health under control.

    Blood pressure is down
    Weight is down.
    Hair is still thin - using rogaine
    Moustache is gone
    I'm not tense turse or irritable - except for "that" time and now I'm on AD's
    I still have depression - I think but again - I'm on AD's and I took therapy for 15 or so that helped with major coping skills, and I come here.

    Plus I've eliminated sugar from my diet.

    Going to eliminate Dude from my diet detaching as much as possible
  10. cakewalk

    cakewalk Member

    My health is fine. It's my heart that is destroyed.

    Will this void and sadness ever go away?
  11. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    Thanks for all the responses. I hear in them a lot of hope that things do get better on many levels with time, and a lot of back-up for the mind-body connection concept. As my doctor and I discussed yesterday (and as I bet every single person on the board has experienced), all the new peace and tranquility can be shattered in an instant with a difficult child "issue" suddenly in your face, but meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy feeling better and hope that the hope can build on itself to make things even better. I started the first medication taper today and am very motivated and excited about that. I can't remember when a medication change for me has been a reduction rather than an increase in years!

    I've been excited about Christmas decorations this year and have actually MADE some outdoor decorations that I really like! (Very out of character for me to make anything...motivated by high prices this year.) I spent 50 cents to make what the stores charged $5.00 for! I needed 10 for my purposes. Yes, proud moment, for sure! :bigsmile:
    Oh, and I'm also getting back into that concept that there is a difference between "cooking" food and "heating" food. Yes, far too little "cooking" has happened in my house in ages, and I'm ready to get back in and have some fun with it.

    Yes, many of you mentioned the mental health connection. Absolutely. I thihnk that's what my energy blast is all about. More subjective, though. The physical connections surprised me for some reason. Not much subjectivity about some of them, either. The BiPolar (BP) numbers are what they are. I'd forgotton what numbers like these looked like!

    Cakewalk--that sounds to me like the grieving process, and I know I'll be right behind you. I've felt twinges so far, but nothing much, and I know it's just because I'm not ready to deal with that part. It will catch up to me.

    In a grief counseling support group I attended many years ago, the counselor made the statement that acceptance is not forgetting the person but being able to remember without the pain. That will take a LONG time. I can't stand the sight of baby and early childhood pictures at this time. I guess that's called "denial" maybe?? Oh, well. I'll just relax at this "denial" resting area for a bit--at least until I get through the holidays.
  12. Bean

    Bean Member

    Hi everyone. Glad to have found this place.

    My health is OK. But the roller coaster ride has definitely taken its toll.

    My daughter has kept us on our toes for a good 3 years now, the last 18 months being the most difficult. I guess I should just flat out admit it - the last 3 years being the most difficult. In that time, she's been in jail, in tx, in a group home, and I can definitely say that my health and peace of mind were SO much better when she was in tx. Even when she was in the group home it was better. Not as good, but better. But quite often a simple phone call would take care of that.

    One thing I can say, though, is the health of our home is better. My middle child was having a horrible year last year, anxious, moody... but since my daughter has been out of the house - things have improves so very much.

    I hope that I will grow in this experience to be able to detach a bit more to where my health continues to improve.
  13. emotionallybankrupt

    emotionallybankrupt New Member

    That "family health" concept is interesting. As far as my younger child is concerned, I've been aware that her language development has taken a growth spurt since the conflict has been out of the house, but more than that, she and I have BOTH had perfect school attendance this year, after a full semester. That's unheard of. Likewise, my mom, who does not live with us but has been worried beyond words, has been illness free through the seasonal changes. In the past few years, we've all seemed to catch every passing virus. It will be interesting to see if we can all maintain this new wellness.