I have only read a few posts here, but the minute I started reading I felt like I belonged and got tears in my eyes. BG: I have one son, who just turned 18. He's had behavioral issues since he was in preschool (4 hour tantrums), and spent a lot of time in legal trouble. At various times, he's been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, conduct disorder and several other things (although the most consistent and supportable are the ADHD, the ODD and the conduct disorder). He's been home for 2 years now, after living in a group home for a year. /BG The group home was helpful, but after being back at home and especially after graduating from HS this past June, he just went into a spiral. Disrespectful, out all night, pot-smoking, drinking, threatening and bullying. I asked him to be out of the house for good by 1 October, and then caved because he's unemployed and the only living situation he could find was with a 27 year old mentally ill friend (who's struggling with his medications and lives with his parents). He was functionally homeless for a week, and his attitude improved significantly, but plummeted again as soon as I told him he could come home until the end of the year. Now, I find myself just tremendously resentful, and counting the days 'til he leaves. Plus, I'm just scared that I won't be able to follow through. He's a lot like his father, my ex-h, and is most likely to not do anything towards getting a job and finding a place to live, so that it will come down to me kicking him out. My stomach knots just thinking about it, but I know he can't stay. I can't even speak politely to him, and everything he does irritates me. I know this is because I feel powerless, trapped, guilty and ashamed (versus being a direct result of his behaviors - which are still snotty and disrespectful, but less so than before). I know the mechanics of what I have to do - continue to repeat my expectations for his behavior, find ways to consequence him in the interim that actually mean something (like witholding money and cutting off his cell phone or the internet), and then change the locks and pack up his stuff come the end of December. But, I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around actually -doing- these things, and I feel like an awful person. (by the way, living with his father isn't a good option. DS hasn't spoken to him in months, and refuses to see him. The ex has some significant emotional problems, and the two of them together get really volatile. DS has said that he will physically harm his father if his father provokes him, and I believe him. I cut the ex off totally - email and phone blocked - once DS turned 18, because he had made our lives so hard for so long. I can't say that I blame DS for not wanting to live with his father.) Thank you for letting me vent. Any suggestions on how to get from where I am now to a place where I can trust myself to follow through on what I need to do are greatly appreciated. Elsie ETA: My biggest struggle is with knowing how to judge whether I am doing something because it is the right thing (consequence-wise), or because I am angry and frustrated. Dumb things hold me back, like simultaneously feeling bad about not buying groceries he likes (because it makes me feel mean and neglectful) and feeling taken advantage of because I feel like I'm making things too cushy for him and not being consistent. I have a very hard time having confidence in my actions and knowing whether I feel bad about what I do because I'm a doormat, or because what I'm doing isn't appropriate. Therapy helps somewhat, but not entirely.