How do you get them to settle/calm down?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Lothlorien, Nov 3, 2007.

  1. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member

    Recently, we have been trying something new with Missy. We just painted her room(very soft lavender), decluttered and added soft textural things. We will eventually put a tv in, but she has a radio/cd player.

    The past few times she has raged, I've talked her into going upstairs with me, into her newly decorated room. (of course this is after the full raging is just about over) I've put calming music on, rubbed her back. Then when I feel I can leave the room, I'll get a cool wet wash cloth to put on her head, a glass of water for her and some oatmeal lotion and rub her down with the lotion. Eventually, she settles down. Today, I talked her into taking a nap (thank G-d!).

    What works for your difficult child?
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Dang Loth...would you come teach my husband how to deal with me when I rage? LOL.

    Actually you just gave me some really good ideas for setting up my bedroom for a calming area for me to go to in an attempt to not get to raging...thank you.
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    It's hit or miss, as in sometimes she will go for it and other times she just needs to get the screams out. But when she needs me to help her calm down, it's always in my room, laying on my bed with me. Rub her back. Read her a book. Maybe tell her about when she was little (she LOVES stories about when she was a baby). Sometimes she will let me put lotion on her. She does not care for wet washcloths (sensory) but she will often snuggle with a stuffed toy.
  4. Merfille

    Merfille New Member

    It is always different what works, if anything, but we have tried a bunch.

    We use lavender oil and do massage (she loves this). We set our little living room (which is normally only used for the tree during the holidays) up with a tv that has a V-Smile game system (games like Dora, Little Mermaid, etc...sweet games). She also has yoga and pilates for kids dvds but no cable in there. She has a cd player with classical music cds (she LOVES to listen to Mozart cds) and meditation cds. We found a great meditation cd - helps me calm down, too! I think it is called Indigo Dreams and it has things all to do with sea creatures. Addresses affirmation of oneself, releasing anger, etc. I love it (maybe even more than she does! lol)

    One thing we did was get one of those fountains, you know the wall kind that can be used indoors or out. We put it in the corner of our family room up on a couple of blocks, put 5 potted plants around the bottom and then a border. We got it cheap at the end of season clearance this early fall. It has one little light and the sound of water with the plants, etc. can be calming for her. She sometimes just sits by it.

    We added dimmer switches in her room and a few other rooms changed the lighting so it could be dim. Dim lighting helps her feel better sometimes.

    Large sandbox outside - there is sand at the therapist's office, too - she likes the feel of it.

    We took our small patch of grass in the back and made it into a butterfly garden together - she likes working in that with us. She loves to just go out there and watch for caterpillars and butterflies.

    She picked out a floeece lamb at Bath & Body Works and a vanilla sheet spray that she sprays on it. That is very comforting for her. Good thing is we can wash it and then respray it!!

    Of course, all this said, lately it sometimes seems nothing works!!! LOL But we are trying and always open to new ideas.
  5. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    One of our best techniques was to take him away from home, especially if he was raging specificially at someone. One parent would drop everything and get him to the car--then we'd drive around or do something like visit Toy's 'R Us or the bookstore cafe. Often we'd call back home when he'd calmed down so the other parent could have the other kids clear (in their room or elsewhere) to prevent a relapse when we'd returned.

    We used this a lot, often to preempt a meltdown that was about to occur.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    One thing we can't do is what many of you are able to do-we can't rub his back or touch him at all.

    Sometimes what works is turning on cartoons. Even when he was really little this would help him. Sometimes husband will play Game cube with him. Like BBK he also loves to hear stories about when he was little. Sometimes humor works but only on occasion.

    Other times it is just plain hit or miss. My difficult child does seem to all of a sudden just come out of it and he'll start acting like nothing happened.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Have you all checked for seizures? Esp in cases where the child just "snaps out of it OUr child neuro tells us that is a huge red flag for seizures. Myabe it is time to do another sleep deprived EEG?

    Just a thought.

  8. ShakespeareMamaX

    ShakespeareMamaX New Member

    I'm glad I checked this topic out.

    When my difficult child would go into his uncontrollable rages...errr...I guess I would go into restraint mode and, after the fight, hug mode.

    Humor works for him, as well, sometimes. If he's having a fit, the magic word (poop) can usually cause a laugh on both ends (mature, aren't we? heehee).

    My only issue is debating on whether making humor at such a "bad" time for him is beneficial as I wouldn't want him to think the behavior is OK and something to laugh at.

    I love the painted rooms, the fountains, the plants, lights and music.

    Sounds like my house needs a makeover, and it'll probably do ALL of us some good! Thanks, everyone!

    Great post!
  9. Janna

    Janna New Member

    There's really been nothing I could do to calm Dylan down. When he was in rage mode, he wasn't hearing me. The baths and belly/back rubs sound great, but that would have meant getting him to lay. Which would have meant me focing him into a position he didn't want to be in. It would have probably increased the rage more than helped it.

    When he raged, I just let him go. His rages were not controllable. He wasn't himself. It wasn't a temper tantrum. This was something else.

    Now, at 11, I can ask him to go to his room. A MySpace friend offered her advice to me. She got clear plastic tubs from Wal Mart and put all kinda stuff in there for her Autistic son. Stuff to color in one, music stuff in another, etc. I am doing this for Dylan, and his stereo with his music is in there, and he is able to go up and do those things. But when he was smaller, that would not have worked, nor did anything else I ever tried.