How to Report Suspicions?

PonyGirl

Warrior Parent
LONG Story, but I need some advice about how to approach reporting possible abuse? My sister in law is telling me her fears for her grand-daughter. sister in law & brother in law have raised this child for the first 6 years of her life. Now lil'girl is finally living with her dad (thier son) and his new wife.

Thru phone conversations with son & grand-daughter, they are becoming quite alarmed at her treatment. Being made to wear diapers, and now talk of testing to see if she's retarded? Last night things had escalated to where son told sister in law & brother in law "You'll never be allowed to see grand daughter again!!"

sister in law is too frightened of the backlash if she were to report this herself, so I said I would look into possibly making a report myself. sister in law of course wants their names kept out of it.

Are anonymous reports taken seriously? Is there a protocol to follow? We're talking Emotional Abuse, and afraid there's Physical abuse, too.

Thanks for any insight.

Peace
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
Yes, anonymous reports are taken seriously but there is not an immediate response to such calls unless there is a sense of real danger involved. A number of people have made anonymous reports
of suspected abuse on GFGmom and each time a representative has shown up at the house. Of course she wasn't yelling at the kids
when company came. Her house has always been dirty and each time
the DCF workers have "understood" that working mothers sometimes
can't keep a "clean" house. Give me a break.

by the way, I have NEVER called on her although she probably does think
I did. I did, however, talk to the counselor at the school on a
confidential basis and shared my concerns about difficult child. I also did
talk to the Pediatrician confidentially to have someone paying attention. That gave me some sense of safety for him.

One thing I have lived through was GFGmom and her SO keeping difficult child
away from us AND telling him NOT to share anything about what went on in their house. Afterwards it was terribly painful to
learn of the emotional abuse he was subject to from SO.

Each situation is different but whether you call DCF anonymously
or not...I would encourage the grandmother to stifle any negative
input with the parents. She will have a much better chance of maintaining contact if she is seen as supportive.

It is ugly. I'm sorry your friend has to travel that road. DDD
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
We went through our psychiatrist and by LAW he had to report it to our version of protective services for children (DSS). You can report without being named. There is also a 1-800 number for child abuse in the front of EVERY phone book. You can call them and see what they advise.

So sorry - hope it is just suspicions - but the diaper thing is odd - could it be that she is wetting the bed because she is afraid?

In any event it may warrant having someone investigate. No harm - no foul.
 

PonyGirl

Warrior Parent
Thank you my friends! DDD, I was thinking I would call her school and talk to the counselor there. I did advice sister in law to stifle negative comments, but too late. Her son had already pulled the plug by the time I talked to sister in law.

Yes, the diaper thing is strange. This is a whole new living arrangement for grand daughter, and she's I'm sure having some adjustment issues. It just sounds like she is not well-liked at home, how awful is that.

I have seen with my own eyes that her own father has never bonded with her. We all thought his new wife was a god-send. Turned out we were all very, terrible wrong.

Of course this is all one-sided information I am getting. sister in law does not want me to call son (my nephew). She's afraid I'll only stir the pot. Who? :shocked: Me? :smirk:

So, that's my plan. I'm going to call the school counselor. And I am NOT going to get in my car and drive 100 miles to nephew's house and rip him a new one.... :grrr:

Please keep good thoughts for Sara.

Peace
 

Fran

Former desparate mom
Ponygirl, even if the little girl is not being abused, error on the side of caution seems like a good thing. I give you credit for involving yourself and contacting the school. Having others watching for signs is a good thing.
Even if the parents never speak to the family again, they are on notice and you are doing a good thing.
 

nvts

Active Member
Trust me. Anonymous reports are taken VERY seriously. I am on the receiving end of it. If any are aware, we were battling the school for difficult child 3 and I was advised by the Family Advocate to write a letter spelling out all of the horrible things that the school was doing to her AND our family.

Long story short: the principal was advised of the complaint and ACS (Child Services) was at our door the next evening. Apparently, our 5 year old was trying to bargain her way out of all of the days infractions and told the para that "my dad will spank me with a shoe". They called the police, the police asked if they thought we were abusing her, they said "no", so they told them that there was nothing they could do. Funny how everything difficult child 3 was a "huge lie" when it made them look bad. We have been living with this (as well as all of the suspensions, phone calls, harrassment, etc. from the school) for the last few months.

Yes. They take anonymous complaints seriously.


Beth
 

PonyGirl

Warrior Parent
Thanks everyone for your support! husband does NOT want me to get involved, so having all here tell me I'm doing a good thing is very helpful. (husband is just 'being a guy', it's not that he doesn't care about Sara.)

So, after mulling for a day yesterday, and doing some research on Sara's school on the internet, I'm going to call the counselor today.

Thanks again, everyone! :warrior:

Peace
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
If the counselor "blows you off" on the phone, it may be because
she has to be cautious about confidentiality issues. A face to face visit often leads to free exchange. DDD
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
One last thought to share...I promise it will be the "last", LOL!

If the Dad and his SO have just taken over the parenting roles it
is more than remotely possible that they are Tired, Frustrated,
Horney, Broke etc. etc. At some point if communications can be
remain open, they may WELCOME the opportunity to take a break and
send Sara to visit you.

The two major factors to remember are (1) selfish needs and (2)
money. If you phrase things so that it is sympathetic to how
hard their life may be and how big an adjustment it must be for
them (don't mention Sara's adjustment because that doesn't fly)
to have to parent 24/7 etc. etc. you will probably get Sara
sooner than you would believe. If they are receiving food stamps
etc. etc. because they have Sara.....eventually they will be ready to give up the kid so long as they get to keep the money and save face.

It's a psychological game of chess with the child as the prize.
I know it well. I've played it for decades. I'm not so sure that I "have won" but the children have been the winners. DDD
 
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