I dont post much about what may or maY not be going on with Bart anyomore because I there are people who read this that are not people I want to share with. But I want to share with you and without details will do so. Does it really matter if a DNA member I wont see again in this lifetime knows about a struggle I have? No. So its Bart. Without writing a novel about the perils of his custody battle and what himself and his father have done to make sure it isnt good I will reach out. Right now his blood pressure is "dangerously high." He cant remember how high it is but the bottom number is over 100. I am 65 and mine has never been close to that high. He claims he cant afford the rather expensive medications that help him (most blood pressure medications dont help him) and his stomach is a mess too and his nerves are shot. He is almost 41 and could die even though I sent him money for blood pressure medications. He wont buy them. He claims he cant afford them. He makes close to six figures and does spend a lot on child support, medical and daycare for his son. But he also indulges in things he claims he wont give up that cost money. Like videosystems and electronics and a nice car. He needs coping skills but he wont go to therapy for help to stay calm in a very stressful situation. He wont let his ex win any of her petty wants in court so he is always stressed. He wont go to a medical doctor. He wont do anything that I would do or suggest to help himself. He wont join a divorce group to make local friends that understand. He has only girlfriends who cant listen for too long and who leave and I dont blame them. He wont talk to my other angel kids although they dont really want him to. They heard how he talks to me and have repeatedly asked me to stop the contact because he is so mean and abusive. My mother cut me off and I never wanted to do this to him. Many of you would have. I made an emergency appointment with my awesome therapist yesterday after a sleepless night. I love my therapist. She just resonates with me and is so smart. She gave me extra time. I was her last appointment of the day and i must have been there for two hours. I cried the whole time telling her Barts story from beginning to end and my attempts to help. I needed a neutral point of view. I will paraphrase what she said that finally sunk in. First and foremost she addressed my fear that Bart will die, a huge fear. And that if I dont listen to him all the time (he can call three times a day talking only about himself....angry....) And I try to at least listen. Im afraid not to be supportive, like so many of you. For a while I was better with this but with this new drama I have been scared into being his wall to bang off of again, even when he gets very abusive. The more he is stressed the worse the abuse. The screaming. The swearing. My poor husband walking into another room because one can hear him over my cell phone. And Bart wants advice on how to calm down but I am not allowed to say therapy, doctor, medications, friends, divorce groups, any new approach. Staying busy. Exercising. He gets infuriated by the responses. He claims the ONLY thing that helps relieve the stress is to talk about his case non stop and have me listen and give pep talks. I am not kidding. My grandson is suffering. He has one parent who abuses him badly snd my son who lets him do anything, buys him everything and talks to him as if he is his peer. My grandson is treated like his adult BFF. He knows too much about court and his fathers problems for a little boy. After my therapist listening to me trying to be as accurate as I could, my therapist expressed deep sorrow for my grandson. She thinks my son is a Narcicist and so do I and that his exwife is borderline. I agree there too She said its a very common combination for a narc to be attracted to and marry a borderline but that the relationship is a trainwreck. She said my grandson is screwed unless he gets away from both of them when he can. I sort of did that with the narc and borderline parent combination. He can too. I hope. Then my therapist told me the deepest truth. If my son dies of his medicsl needs and stress it will NOT be my fault. That he wont help himself. That my getting all entangled wont save him and can hurt ME and others need me around. That I need to stop engaging. I have given the same advice to many here. I know this but needed to hear it from somebody in real life who is not emotionally invested in the outcome. Somebody other than my hubby and three other kids. And my friends who I really havent shared this with. And I wont. I want to enjoy my friends, not get pity from them. So I digress. I refuse to try to save him anymore. I would if I could. But I cant. Today he asked what he should do about his chest pain and stomach pain and stress and I said my onlyoreal suggesions are to please see a doctor and a therapist. I told him this was my honest advice even if he didnt want me to say it. That he deserves to take care of himself and that J needs him healthy. He said "I told you not to say that! I cant take off work and i dont have money! You just stressed me worse. Maybe Ill have a heart attack and die!" He hung up. I feel sort of relieved and guilty about the relief. But I cant not be honest anymore. I gave him the best advice I know in his situation. I am tired of calling my ex on his behalf too. He is abusive to ex too. It is time to do what I tell you all to do. Live my best life. Give lavishly to those who can accept my love and who return it. Have fun with my family and friends .Travel. Move on. This son has received more attention from me than all of my loved ones put together. I have two families. One is my three amazing kids Jumper, Princess and Sonic. And cant leave out my adorable grand. And my super husband and pets. The other is me and Bart alone in a death match Not one day does Bart ever ask how I am or how the others are. Last week we had to put down our beloved cat. I was devestated. He knew about it because I took a break from him. When I finally answered the phone he didnt even ask me if I was OK before ranting on about himself, his bad luck, his case etc. Never a word about anyone but him and my grandson but mostly how grandson is giving his ex a hard time. He does love his son the best he can. But...and I hate to bring up my father in a negative way but he my beloved father loved us the best he could but it wasnt because he knew us well or was invested in our lives. He was all about himself really. That is who and what my son reminds me of with his own son. A child of ours may die young for many reasons. My son self sabatages as much as any drug addict. He wont take care of himself. And I cant make him take care of himself. I am going to try hard not to take the blame for his problems and health. Once he hangs up he usually requires an apology from me to call me. I wont do that now. I need a break. And i am tired of apologies I dont mean. I have done this all my life .Apologized to appease. I wont anymore. I hope I am doing the right thong. Light and love to everyone here.