RM, is it possible for you to start socking money away in an account in one of your children's names, and begin accumulating money that way? And while I'm not sure about this...it seems that husband would be reluctant to split assets, making both of you less financially stable, unless he has something of his own squirreled away somewhere. Maybe you should do some research on that?
And here is another thought. Why would you allow him to break the marriage up for his convenience, when to do so creates hardship for you? Are the laws in your state such that you can remain legally married without having to have him living in the house with you? Then, make him leave, NOW. If not, then go and rent yourself an apartment now, while you have his credit rating and money behind you. Let HIM worry about how much it's all going to cost. As the divorce is finalized, that will be good reason for alimony.
He has made his choice, RM. Now, you need to learn your rights and take steps to protect your financial future. He does not get to call all the shots.
I don't know where I would start looking for information, but that is what you need, right now.
After what we have all been through with our kids, a husband's betrayal we can deal with. Not pleasant, but you can do this, RM.
You need to fight for yourself now as though you were fighting for the financial security of one of your children.
How horrible of him to blame his betrayal on you! Don't listen to another word he says, RM. Picture yourself ten years from now, having successfully navigated getting free of this jerk. You will look back, and wish you'd ditched him sooner. He doesn't sound like a very nice man.
Barbara