Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by LookingForPeace, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. LookingForPeace

    LookingForPeace New Member

    Sorry in advance for the totally disgusting topic here but I'm looking for help. It's been awhile since I posted. Son will be 18 in July. For the past 18 months he has been at a boarding school for troubled teens. He graduated with his high school diploma over Memorial Day Weekend. Yay!

    He still doesn't follow our rules and therefore we are not allowing him to move back home. However he has been with us since graduation and we have 7 more days to go! He is unofficially diagnosed with Anti Social Personality Disorder. He has chosen to move with a buddy out of state and he does have a job lined up.

    He doesn't seem to care about his hygiene. His hair is usually greasy, I remind him to brush his teeth and now we noticed a stinky smell in our vehicle. We thought someone had dog doo doo on their shoes or something. Come to find out the stink was right where he had been sitting. He had a habit as a young child not to wipe after a bowel movement. I have gone through his dirty laundry and found underwear with skid marks down the back. (sorry...too much information).

    Could he really be doing this again? Disgusting! He's 17!! I'm wondering if he didn't do this to retaliate against us?? Do I say anything? We are walking on egg shells, waiting for this kid to move out of state in 7 days. I don't get it.

    What do you guys think??
  2. Wish

    Wish Active Member

    I would wait until after he moves/leaves the house to have a very serious, serious talk (I'm sure for the thousandth time) about how disgusting that is. He needs to understand that for his age group that if any of his friends, future girlfriends and future roommates found out about this which most likely they will, he will be outcasted and there's no coming back from that type of thing. He will always be rememberd as poopy man. He better fix this and fix this fast before he moves in with his buddy. Yuck.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If he is truly antisocial personality disorder, social norms and other people don't matter to him. I would just let it go since he is moving out. He knows what he is doing. He knows it isn't okay for his age. ...likely he will get furious and lie even though the evidence is clear. No point in putting yourself in possible danger. ASPD is not fun or pretty. If he abuses you when you speak to him, I wouldn't bring it up. If he gets physical or puts holes in your walls, it's not worth a confrontation. If you feel you should bring it up, indeed wait until he is far away. It doesn't sound as if he listens to what you say.

    My advice knowing about this disorder (not first hand but I do know narcisism which is close) is to take care of yourself and let him move. He can wipe his butt or not. He knows it's disgusting but obviously doesn't care, for whatever reason.

    Love and light.
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2018
  4. CDN_DAD_in_tough

    CDN_DAD_in_tough New Member

    I agree with Somewhere. There’s a point where you have to accept that your son is an autonomous entity. Like you say, he’s 17. He should know better. He does know better! At this point it probably doesn’t matter what you do or say. He’ll have to learn the lesson the hard way - or maybe he won’t ever learn the lesson. It’s hard to accept, but it is what it is...
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  5. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    I agree with SWOT. We went through this with our son and it always ended poorly and without any progress. He's moving in 7 days, you should be able to put up with it till then. Our son is now 23 and slowly but surely figuring out that he needs to take care of these things.
  6. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Honestly this lack of hygiene thing is really something!

    My friend's son has autism and he refuses to shower, brush his teeth etc. and he is a cook at a fast food place near us. I never go there to eat just because of that!

    My son was like that too when using on and off. I don't want anyone living with me that is dirty period. In the program he's in now they shower and shave daily. He is used to it now and says he enjoys his showers. He is coming back to live with us in November in a new state when he graduates the 13 month program.

    I think it can be a symptom of depression for some also. I also had someone tell me that it is a form of control which in some ways I also agree with.
  7. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Lookingforpeace, I am so sorry you are going through such a hard and disgusting time with your son. Some people just do not have good self cleaning habits no matter how hard you try to teach them or show them. I think his power comes in the retaliation and he will show you who is boss by sh$#@%^ in your car. He cannot move out fast enough. I remember when my daughter was really acting awful, doing awful things around the house to upset me or gross me out I could not wait for her to get out, it was like my life and house took a huge breath of relief. You had said your son was unofficially diagnoised with ASPD, is that the diagnosis that you think he has? Since you know him better than anyone else, what do you think he has? My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar, I think she is borderline/bipolar and I think she turns into a psychopath when she is manic. My daughter is not a full time psychopath but certainly has the traits of one while manic. Life with a part time psychopath is extremely hard and extremely draining. I bet you are wore out to the core if you think your son is ASPD.
  8. A dad

    A dad Active Member

    What if the problem is not up related but down related there are disease that have involuntary bowl movements.