Ah. found you. I knew you would be somewhere here...
At the moment you and she are clashing hard. Part of that is typical teen but it sounds like a big part of that is whatever is wrong with her. You are trying to parent her the best ay you know how, and it is backfiring. So - insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
Can you give us some examples where you and your husband disagree? He might be on to something. Or he might be wrong and you might be on to something.
Whatever it is - things have to change.
Read "The Explosive Child", it might help you let go of some of the things you are fighting about, and give you a different way to get what you want from her. Also, get your husband to lurk here or post here. Mine does, it has really helped us. Of course I have to be careful to not 'bag him out' but we tend to work well as a team anyway. However, since he began lurking here, almost as soon as I began posting here, we have been fr more on the same page.
it's funny - when we talk together, he and I, you would think it would be the best form of effective communication. But with kids interrupting, chores to be done, little things getting in the way - it wasn't as effective communication for us, as reading posts. I think it's because when you write a post, you are condensing your thoughts into one package. it's easier then for someone to take it all on board in one lump, than in a few sentences here or there. Often he's come home and said, "About that post of yours today, I didn't realise you felt that way. Or sometimes he might add something to a thread (in his own name - Marg's Man) and make a point I hadn't thought of.
We still don't always agree, but that's OK too. We need to be able to consider all possibilities and sometimes that needs dissent. It's healthy.
If you're concerned that your daughter will 'age out' of help on this site, go over to Parent Emeritus. Mind you, most of my kids are adults but I still post in General.
Anyway, welcome. Glad you found us.
Marg