I am no longer my autistic son's legal guardian and payee

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by SomewhereOutThere, Oct 11, 2017.

  1. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    We went to court because sonics caseworker and me snd Sonic felt he no longer needed any guardian as he is doing so well on his own. I admit it gave me both joy and selfish sadness...he was my last kid I had any control over, although I didnt really exercise that control...his independence is important to me.

    We sat in court and we were the only people in that courtroom, plus caseworker and Sonics Guardian ad litem. The crowded rooms were filled up with those with criminal stuff. It felt odd to be just us.

    The same judge who had awarded me guardianship, with Sonics consent, when he was 18 entered the room and we all stood, then sat.

    It went very fast, everyone smiling, except me. I both smiled snd cried, full of pride, yet selfishly sad that now all my kids were on their own. The Judge glowed and told us that it was a unanamous decision and told Sonic that he should be proud...most people who are appointed guardians have them for life. I hadnt known that. I bawled snd hugged him (most autistics hate hugs but he tolerates them) and told everyone loudly that I am so proud, that he is so awesome, that he is my hero. Then I turned to him, kissed him, and said," You are a hero, champ."

    We all shook hands and I wiped my eyes. Sonic is on his own. I passed the payee mantel on to a public place too because he needs, in the end, to trust the community. And we will be traveling in our RV in winter starting 2018 so we cant do it anyway.

    So ends the story of a two year old cute baby boy we adopted who we were told had fetal alcohol syndrome (he does not) and who was born with crack in his system...turned into the incredibly capable, independent, beloved 24 year old winner he is today. He always tried so hard and has not yet reached his full potential.

    Mom is proud. I love him to the universe.

    Jumper has a new tatoo about Sonic being her hero. She was there too, seeing the progress, and is so proud.

    I just wanted to share this milestone with my board friends!!!
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  2. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member


    I cried happy tears reading this! Congratulations SWOT - You've done your job well and should be proud.
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  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I did nothing. HE did it!!!!!
  4. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Time for an end zone dance!!

    And yes SWOT, even the spectators cheering them on give them power, and you were coach, offensive coordinator, team doctor, water boy . . .
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  5. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Oh, you folks are too kind.

    I did none of the work. He did. I lead him to water only...he did the drinking.
  6. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    My dear, you adopted a child you KNEW would have issues. You raised him and you loved him. But what's more, you saw to it he got the interventions and assistance he needed early on. You fought for him. You held him up until he could stand on his own.

    So again, I say there is a special place in heaven for people who do such things for special needs children.

    Lord knows we're living proof that not all kids take advantage of the things their parent's give them and rise to succeed in the world. He did that part, it's true. But you gave him the foundations.

  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Lil. When they called us about Sonic, they literally said, " If you dont adopt this child, he will end up in an institution. We called our black families and nobody wanted him so we called the rest of our families and nobody would take him either. You are his only hope." We were not even licensed yet, but we were close.

    I said yes then told my husband. I still get a lump in my throat remembering that call. We were going to adopt him even if he would have never progressed. We couldnt let him rot in an institution. All those people who said no to him missed out on having a wonderful young man in their family. We were blessed.

    Right after that Jumper was born and we adopted her from the hospital.

    And this is my family with this husband. I have never spent one day being sorry my family is as it turned out. I am so bursting proud of these kids, this family. But I never think i did anything to make these kids amazing. I always credit my kids.

    And, as you know, with my first husband...those kids struggled more. So...if anything I credit my wonderful second (but hardly lesser) husband who was also an amazing father...
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2017
  8. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Awww SWOT
    A tree grows but it never plants itself. We offer and they accept that is so true, however, with no kindness, caring or offer of a better life none of what your beautiful child did could have been accomplished.

    Yes let his accomplishments be his, and let your rewards be yours. Weather they turn out with a successful end or not when we try and care and love, we need to celebrate and reward this effort. God knows if we don't no one else will.

    Well done mama and well done Sonic!
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  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sonic is awesome and so are you!

    I strongly challenge the idea that he did all the work!! He did an amazing amount of work and I am incredibly proud of him! You did an amazing amount of work too!

    Who was at every doctor's office with him? Who fought to learn all she could about what he had and what he needed? Who fought to get him off of those medications when the doctors and other so-called experts told you it was the worst thing you could try? I don't think it was anyone except you, SWOT.

    Go ahead and accept the credit for the hard work you did. It doesn't take away from the hard work he did. Not one little bit. I bet Sonic doesn't mind sharing the credit with you. You are a hero just as much as Sonic is.
  10. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for sharing this story of hope. We all need to hear that growth, change and maturity is possible. I know you are super proud of him, but I agree that your family was the support system he needed. Cake is needed.
  11. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all. Thanks a lot. I did research and call and ask and fight, but as all of you know that isnt enough. The person has to be motivated and willing and from toddlerhood Sonic had this almost inner drive to do his best. So thats why i say he did the work.

    I am very proud of all he has accomplished and has yet to accomplish. The odds were against him.

    And he never complains. Maybe that is the most heroic trait he has.