I am so tempted...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Nov 18, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    to have my daughter charged with being an Unruly Child right now.

    That's all I can say right now. I have had it.
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Not sure what is going on right now, but ((((((((((hugs))))))))))

    Let us know what is up when you can.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Go ahead scream out loud!!! We are listening
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    My daughter came into the kitchen in a rage because she couldn't find the nail clippers (kids - BOTH of them - are in the habit of taking things out of my bathroom and not returning them. But, really, nail clippers?

    She was incensed because she was convinced that Devon had taken them and not put them back and she couldn't ask him because he was in the bathroom. Ok. So wait a few minutes. Not good enough. She wanted them NOW.

    So she storms around, digging through things and then when Devon gets out he tells her doesn't know if he has them but to go look in his room. That set her off even more.

    She then comes in here (where I'm typing a post to canttakeitanymore about sending her my kid...HA!) and is yelling at me about it and expects me to stop what I'm doing THIS second. When I didn't, it went to hell even more.

    But, I did get up and look in Devon's room. I then tried to look in her room with her yelling at me that their not in there, she's already looked. I mean screaming. I then told her that if you can't find them in the obvious places then you have to look in the not so obvious places - through gritted teeth.

    She took off. I didn't know where she went, but then found her out back.

    It's 20 degrees. She's outside in flimsy jammies, a sweatshirt and slippers. I go outside and she proceeds to yell at me outside, telling me how mean I am, how she's sick of it here - oh and that I need therapy. I told her she needed to get in the house now. She told me no. Repeatedly. Then asked me why. Cause I'm the mom and I said so. She refused. I told her I could call the police and she sneeringly said that I couldn't call them because she refused to come inside.

    I wasn't arguing anymore. I came inside. Waited a few minutes and then I called the police.

    By the time he got here she had been outside in her flimsy clothes in 20 degree weather for about 20 minutes. I think she realized when the police car pulled in the driveway, because as he was heading out the back door she was coming in.

    With the police officer standing right there, she walked in and snarled, "I HATE YOU!" Then when the police officer asked her to sit, she looked at him and snarled, "Why?" She did sit and was crying by this point and continued to tell the police officer why she was so upset. And the reason is....Because I think I'm always right and that she's always wrong. Yep. That's the reason, ladies. She also said that I'm always saying she's yelling when she's not and he said, you just yelled at her right now.

    The officer asked me when he came in how I wanted him to handle this and I told him gentle, but firm, but I was not expecting her reaction to the cop. AT ALL. I couldn't believe that she talked to him like that. I think my eyes must have bugged out of my head.

    He was very good and told her that I am the mom and she only has 13 years worth of experience and that if they get called out repeatedly, she can be charged with being an Unruly Child and end up in court. That made her mad...that I was right. Kind of ironic, huh.

    She said she went outside because she wanted to get away from me. Well, she's not alone in that. Told her she could have gone outside and stayed there had she been dressed appropriately and was not being impulsive. And if she wasn't telling me NO when I told her to do something. That goes over like a ton of bricks with me.

    In the meantime, Devon had found the nail clippers. Right where Wynter left them last.

    You know, there are times you're really glad the house is clean, besides just for the pleasure of having a clean house.

    Poor guy, though. He's allergic to cats and I have 4.

    This is just the stupidest thing to get so worked up over. Nail clippers. For crying out loud.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Um, is this by any chance PMS? Not sure if she has a period or not, but I know I would get so worked up at my mom that I lliterally thought I would foam at the mouth. Not often, not even every other month.

    But the 2 years they had me on steroids the whole time, sheeesh. I can actually remember my dad throwing chocolate bars through the door opening at me.

    I am sorry she is being a PITA, and an impulsive, courting-pneumonia PITA at that. I think calling the police was an excellent move.

    Do you think she was trying to see what the officer would do if she was rude to him, if she was/is unstable to the degree she couldn't control it, or if she just thinks she is all that and more?

    I don't have suggestions, but I will send more hugs!

    Oh - I DO have this strong memory of ranting and yelling at my mom because I ran 3 pairs of pantyhose the morning before school, and it was ALL my mom's fault. Why?

    Well, If I had gotten Dad's gene that actually tanned then I wouldn't NEED pantyhose, but I got Mom's gene that doesn't tan and I looked like Caspar the ghost - only paler.

    And yes, I HAVE apologized to my mom for that. Many times. And I let her grandkids live as penance.
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I think when she's that enraged there is not much logical thought process going on. The thing is, she's so surly so much of the time that it's hard to tell when she's just being surly or when she's crossing that line into no reasoning.

    It freaked me out at first when I realized she wasn't in the house. It's dark, it's cold, she's in jammies, she can be impulsive. She took off out of her room, but I didn't go looking right away because I figured she was sulking on the couch.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. Wish I had some words of wisdom, but things are only just starting to improve around here, and I don't know if it's maturity or not living here that's the solution.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I waited a few minutes to call because I didn't want to react out of anger. But, there were a few reasons why I called (see how I have to justify this in my own head?): 1. it was too cold for her to be out for what she was wearing. 2. I was afraid she was going to bolt and with it being dark and cold, especially.... 3. I'm tired of her thinking she runs the house and can do and treat the rest of us however she wants. I need someone to back me up. She won't give my mom any credibility because Wynter and my mom don't get along, so that wouldn't work. She obviously doesn't believe a word I say and I needed someone to back me up.

    After she told me she hated me again (I hate you so much) after the officer left and I told her, "Fine. Go hate me in your room.", she came back to talk to me. She said she was sorry and she wants to work things out and I told her that I did, too, but not tonight. That I was still angry and I wasn't going to deal with it anymore tonight.
  9. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    do you suppose it was a mother of teenagers who came up with the idea of "rest in peace"...is there one night of it after all?
    I do not know if it helps but I have never yelled and certainly never said IHATEYOU
    or even I Have to get away from you...To my teen...is it universal? Is there a hormone that turns on the hate of parents?
    Just stay strong. And, you know...get some therapy if you want...it is kind great having someone who is appropriately dressed, greets you when you arrive, who listens and contributes in dialogue if only for one hour...or less.
    Or just ask yourself...how does that feel?
    Ok...I am no help at all but I feel the pain. And I called the police on my teen and my teen has improved since then...and repeated crissis conseling sessions...and
    getting that support you refered to. We need that unity that agreement from other adults who are reassuring our kids with us that these are the exspectations...we share them...this is why I do not run yelling in my skivies in the streets when I am in the mood, by the way...why I have never brought in the garden hose and hosed you in the morning so you do remember to get up the first time the alarm goes off.
    And it is how after all the crazy what not that I have been through that I do not agree with those who say "it is to late" or "I give up" when the teen is clearly still growing and maturing and does need the love (spiteful wreched stinkers)
    Go MOM!
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I feel your pain. I'm sorry it was such a crummy night. I think your calling the police was a good thing. Right now I'm dealing with my own teenager who is a huge PITA and seriously don't know whether to call her a easy child or a difficult child most days. Sending many understanding hugs your way.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Go for it Heather! I'll back you up. (Feeling a bit wicked tonight)
  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    What a horrible night!!! I think it is good you called the police. I know I would have called them also. Unstable difficult children don't stop to consider if they're putting themselves into dangerous situations. If she had decided to bolt, the more time that goes by, the more dangerous the situation can become.

    I definitely feel your pain. Unfortunately, I have no good advice as I had a scary experience with my easy child (difficult child in training) yesterday afternoon and am still shaky from it.

    It is amazing how very minor things set them off. There is definitely no such thing as reasoning with an unstable difficult child. I think you did the right thing by letting her know after she wanted to talk that you did too, but not yesterday evening. I think it is always much better to cool down and to let difficult child cool down too before trying to have any sort of discussion.

    Sending lots of hugs and hoping today, if not a great day, is at least an uneventful one for you. WFEN
  13. ML

    ML Guest

    I hope the daybreak has brought with it a new attitude!
  14. maril

    maril New Member

    wyntersgrace: I hope today is a better day for you! I was going to say it is uncanny how kids put everything back on the (helpful and concerned) parent, but on second thought, I have to realize maturity and insight are lacking - at least with my difficult child that is true - and uncanny is probably not the right word here.

    I had to call the police about difficult child this a.m.; thank goodness it was just a conversation on the phone this time (with a very helpful and supportive police officer) instead of the police car with lights flashing outside my house, the police having to come into the house (been there done that), and whatever else would ensue; very fortunately, difficult child decided to leave the house. It is a long story...

    Anyway, I can relate and understand how you feel. Good luck and lots of hugs to you.
  15. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Message for Winter, Don't mess with a warrior Mom. she will find backup!
  16. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    To be a bit rude, JESUS I know how you feel!!
    They dont seem to realise they are screaming at us and its just NOT ON!
    I had this with 22yr old yest and it freaked me too.
    You are so wrong and they are so right its very hard to take and at times more difficult than others...ooooh sending hugs your way...we are only human! Lizzie
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I feel really stupid because when reading your story all I could think of were the many MANY times that my difficult child did what yours did and worse...and I never called the police. I think I was too horrified to 'waste their time'...but now I wonder if I would have been able to nip a bad attitude in the bud by ending her theatrics at an earlier age. Yeesh - she climbed out her bedroom window in the middle of a snow storm wearing only a t-shirt and jeans and socks. Another time she ran away during a horrible treacherous nor'easter, with already a foot of snow on the ground and hitchhiked to her friend's house. She was only 16. Screamed, threw things and hollered at H so many times. I wish now that I had had the balls to call the cops then. NOW I would, but back then, I was afraid to.

    Heather, you're awesome. And lucky that you got a nice cop to come to your house. I don't know that any of our local cops would have been that nice.
  18. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking it may be PMS, too. I swear, I just wanted to give my kids hormone treatments to balance it out when they were going through puberty. Not that it was a picnic for anyone else who's had a kid in puberty, but I kept thinking "You'd think that medical science would have this figured out by now!"
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I hope today is better.

    I involved the law early on at difficult child 1's antics, and I do think it helped.

  20. Eden

    Eden New Member

    My difficult child is a total BEAR in the mornings and will rip anyone to shreds who even talks to him (especially me gently trying to help him get up and into school on time). He's especially bad, though, when he's lost something (of course, he insists he hasn't mislaid it in his heaps of **** in his room, surely our housekeeper stole it or I "put it somewhere" etc.). So I know where you're coming from.

    This morning he refused to leave for school until he found his "missing" cell phone (he's not supposed to take it to school in the first place!). I calmly asked him if he perhaps left it in easy child's room. "I ALREADY LOOKED IN THERE, STOP BOTHERING ME!!!" was his ever so thankful-for-your-help, shouted reply.

    Guess where he found it 20 minutes later? In easy child's room.