I Find It Difficult to "Not Know" What is Going On . . .


I find it hard to "not know" what is going on with my grandson.

He was very available and present and all of a sudden is not.

I become a "detective" - I can be hypervigilent (from childhood) and notice "clues" as to what might be going on.

I become very uncomfortable "not knowing."

I am just writing this to note what goes on with me - I want to be okay with "not knowing."

It's about trust that "all is well in the world" (not necessarily with my grandson, but in the larger scheme of things).

P.S. I wrote the above a few hours ago and it didn't post - found it still on my screen. In the meantime, found out my grandson has been relapsing. He is saying he will go to rehab tomorrow. His relative is supposed to take him. I will pray that happens as it is life or death.


Active Member
I think i bevome a detective and search for clues about my son because i dont have a life its all him or hubby. I think if i fill up in other ways, this detective mide will lessen aling with detaching


100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

Has anyone referred you to the "Article on Detachment" posted here on the Parent Emeritus forum?

I think that it will help you!


Looking back on what just happened, this is a difficult scenario . . . it appears when things are "going well," he is in touch, pretty regularly - and when he relapses, then he hides and is just passed out drunk.

When he is sober and working a program, naturally, I WANT to believe it's for real this time and it will stick - so when he is less available, I think he is "individuating" - growing up and is busy with life. But it turns out that I am often wrong. And I believe lies (because why wouldn't I think he is "going to a meeting" or whatever when he is supposedly sober?) . . .

He told me when he was at my house that he lies constantly - sober or not. He just volunteered it and I said that I knew that on some level . . .

From a practical standpoint, it is a really difficult problem for me to get a handle on.