I find it hard to "not know" what is going on with my grandson. He was very available and present and all of a sudden is not. I become a "detective" - I can be hypervigilent (from childhood) and notice "clues" as to what might be going on. I become very uncomfortable "not knowing." I am just writing this to note what goes on with me - I want to be okay with "not knowing." It's about trust that "all is well in the world" (not necessarily with my grandson, but in the larger scheme of things). P.S. I wrote the above a few hours ago and it didn't post - found it still on my screen. In the meantime, found out my grandson has been relapsing. He is saying he will go to rehab tomorrow. His relative is supposed to take him. I will pray that happens as it is life or death.