flutterby
Fly away!
Nothing I do is ever good enough. In fact, I'm still a horrible mother. Just ask difficult child.
And she can prove it cause she writes it down. She has pages, she says. Well, she also wrote 2 pages on when Nana told her not to pet her dog (yorkie) because he is mouthy and difficult child was yelling at him.
I go out of my way, knowing her sensitivity, to phrase things just so; I give her extra compliments, I make sure she hears me talking good things about her to others, tons of praise. But, I'm a horrible mother and she's so unhappy here.
I told her that horrible is growing up with a father who you watched beat your brother, who was always drunk or high, and who told you that you were a B and would never amount to anything, and that no one would ever put up with you.
Then she said that even the therapist said that I don't take hearing bad things about me very well. Now, I have to talk to the therapist to make sure that difficult child heard that right and didn't skew it into her own version like she does. But, yeah, when all I hear from difficult child is how horrible I am I don't take it very well. Because there is nothing I can do that is right or good enough. The constant criticism has worn me down. And if therapist said anything remotely like that - knowing how difficult child twists things - she and I are going to have issues.
But she walks around the house treating everyone like dirt. Yelling at people, stomping, slamming, and then expecting us to help her with whatever she needs help with. But, that's ok because she's just responding to her feelings being hurt. Doesn't matter that she stomps all over everyone elses feelings.
She talks horrible about Nana, but has no qualms calling her up and asking her to buy something for her. I told her last night that it stops because that is just using her.
I'm a horrible mother because I won't help her clean her room. Her room is disgusting and it stinks. But I will *not* help her clean it. She's old enough to do it; she just doesn't want to. Her garbage can filled up and rather than emptying it, she just started throwing garbage on her floor - all of the tissues to remove makeup, q-tips, food wrappers. And a slew of dirty dishes.
I'm a horrible mother because I refused to help her with her homework when 1) she doesn't even try it on her own and 2) she had spent the day yelling at me - originally because I reminded her to take her antibiotics and 3) I couldn't have helped even if I wanted to cause I had been on pain medications all day. Cause I'm horrible and want her to get better instead of staying sick and getting worse.
I'm a horrible mother because she can't sleep and I don't care. Took her to the doctor who rx'd amitrityline for sleep, but I'll be damned if she'll take it. She never even tried it and still flat out refuses. She even refused vitamins because she thought I just wanted her to take them because she cut out meat and she's done all the research you know, and she's getting everything she needs with what she eats. Cut off her nose to spit her face.
Of course, that doesn't matter. If I'm sick, or in pain, or the fatigue has hit - it's just an inconvenience for her. No empathy at all.
And, apparently, I never listen to her at all and I don't care how she feels. EVERYTHING is about how SHE feels. We have these marathon discussions and I listen and it's all about how SHE feels and if I hold the mirror up and show her how she is doing exactly what she is accusing me of to others, then I'm just turning it all around on her.
I'm so sick of it.
And she can prove it cause she writes it down. She has pages, she says. Well, she also wrote 2 pages on when Nana told her not to pet her dog (yorkie) because he is mouthy and difficult child was yelling at him.
I go out of my way, knowing her sensitivity, to phrase things just so; I give her extra compliments, I make sure she hears me talking good things about her to others, tons of praise. But, I'm a horrible mother and she's so unhappy here.
I told her that horrible is growing up with a father who you watched beat your brother, who was always drunk or high, and who told you that you were a B and would never amount to anything, and that no one would ever put up with you.
Then she said that even the therapist said that I don't take hearing bad things about me very well. Now, I have to talk to the therapist to make sure that difficult child heard that right and didn't skew it into her own version like she does. But, yeah, when all I hear from difficult child is how horrible I am I don't take it very well. Because there is nothing I can do that is right or good enough. The constant criticism has worn me down. And if therapist said anything remotely like that - knowing how difficult child twists things - she and I are going to have issues.
But she walks around the house treating everyone like dirt. Yelling at people, stomping, slamming, and then expecting us to help her with whatever she needs help with. But, that's ok because she's just responding to her feelings being hurt. Doesn't matter that she stomps all over everyone elses feelings.
She talks horrible about Nana, but has no qualms calling her up and asking her to buy something for her. I told her last night that it stops because that is just using her.
I'm a horrible mother because I won't help her clean her room. Her room is disgusting and it stinks. But I will *not* help her clean it. She's old enough to do it; she just doesn't want to. Her garbage can filled up and rather than emptying it, she just started throwing garbage on her floor - all of the tissues to remove makeup, q-tips, food wrappers. And a slew of dirty dishes.
I'm a horrible mother because I refused to help her with her homework when 1) she doesn't even try it on her own and 2) she had spent the day yelling at me - originally because I reminded her to take her antibiotics and 3) I couldn't have helped even if I wanted to cause I had been on pain medications all day. Cause I'm horrible and want her to get better instead of staying sick and getting worse.
I'm a horrible mother because she can't sleep and I don't care. Took her to the doctor who rx'd amitrityline for sleep, but I'll be damned if she'll take it. She never even tried it and still flat out refuses. She even refused vitamins because she thought I just wanted her to take them because she cut out meat and she's done all the research you know, and she's getting everything she needs with what she eats. Cut off her nose to spit her face.
Of course, that doesn't matter. If I'm sick, or in pain, or the fatigue has hit - it's just an inconvenience for her. No empathy at all.
And, apparently, I never listen to her at all and I don't care how she feels. EVERYTHING is about how SHE feels. We have these marathon discussions and I listen and it's all about how SHE feels and if I hold the mirror up and show her how she is doing exactly what she is accusing me of to others, then I'm just turning it all around on her.
I'm so sick of it.