I have always had a really hard time with this holiday season...normally the time from Thanksgiving through New Years is bad for me. Oh I buy the presents and I like that but I hate wrapping them and I hate the whole idea of cooking and having company over pretty much sends me into hives. I dont want to get up on Xmas morning and watch the kids opening presents and only do it if forced. Then I want to go back to bed and hide the rest of the day. I dont think I have a single picture of my boys opening presents. I do have a couple of Keyana. I am already in Bah Humbug mood. It doesnt help that Tony has done nothing but argue and fight with me constantly for the last week. It doesnt seem that anything I do is right. Now I probably brought it on myself somewhat on Thursday but I was a bit ticked off. Both Cory and Buck owe Tony money. Buck owes him a whole lot more than Cory does but Tony is making Cory pay him back much faster. Now which one of them is supporting an entire family all on their own? Hmmm. Tony made sure Buck got back to work 3 weeks ago but didnt tell Cory that Tony's boss was hiring until Buck had been working there for over 2 and a half weeks. Cory got 1 and a half days on this first paycheck and Tony made Cory pay him $100 out of that paycheck and that was the last check he would get before Xmas. All he made Buck give him was $30. Buck is allowed to give him his money like that in dribs and drabs. $25, $30. When Tony bailed Cory and Mandy out the end of November, it cost 1050 bucks and Cory gave him back 800 immediately on the 1st of December. Now he has borrowed $50 after that for a tank of gas in his car and then $18 for some lp gas for their heater they use to heat the house. That $18 is included in the 50. Oh and I bought him a $5 meal at McDonalds but dont tell Tony. Well Tony was mad because I was there to make sure that he got paid back from Buck too. I said it wasnt fair that he was harder on Cory than on Buck. He said well Buck is only down on his luck because he is "not right" and not because he keeps doing stupid things like Cory and Mandy. Well, excuse me but I think being a drug addict most of your adult life and not being able to take care of yourself as a 54 year old man without depending on other people is just as bad as what happened to Cory and Mandy. And the fact that Tony continued the fact the day after all this happened on Thursday night and he continued fighting with me all day Friday seems to me to mean he must have some kind of guilty conscious about it. I didnt get up on Friday morning and say a thing. We were going up to take our little dog to get groomed and he started fighting about it the whole way. My stomach is now killing me and I think he has reactivated my ulcers. I am popping prevacids like they are candy. I can hardly eat anything. Then he started in on me about my room and the house. Yelling about how when Buck was here he kept the kitchen and the family room spotless. Oh hell no. When he first got here he cleaned the kitchen very well, I will give him that. He did it about 3 times a week after that. He also moved everything we had in the kitchen all around so we could never find anything and he yanked on several of the cabinets so we have to nail them back up. He broke one of our coffee pots. And lets not forget he moved my board and broke went through my floor in the laundry room and messed up my duct work. Well after he started working with Tony in mid February he then didnt do the kitchen anymore. It was all on me again. I said this to Tony and he got mad at me and said he shouldnt have had to. I said I didnt see why not since he wasnt paying any rent. Oh that was it...it was on. No man who works should have to do a thing. Oh please. Buck doesnt work, Buck stands. Now the one place Tony does have him on is that when we asked Buck to come over and help us clean the kitchen the day before Thanksgiving because Billy got in the accident he did. I cant get Cory and Mandy to do anything like that for me even when we offered to knock some money off their bill. I am sure Tony knocked some money off Bucks bill. Im betting more than we were going to knock off Cory's bill. I would have offered to have Buck help with the rest of the house but I simply dont trust him to help in here. I would lose more than I care to think about. So yesterday Tony comes into my room and starts wanting to clean my room but the whole time he is pitching a fit. Yelling at me and saying it is all my fault. Now lets remember he only left my room last April. It didnt get this bad in this few months. Now my side of the bed, I will take full responsibility for but there is a ton of stuff that I would have on the bed when he would come in when he was still in here and I would hand it to him and ask him to take it out to the trash can to throw it away and he would just throw it on the floor. Things like Billy would bring me the mail every night and I would go through it. Lots of times it would be junk mail and stuff and I would go through it. I would hand that stuff to him and tell him it was trash and he would just toss it on the floor. Well it stayed there. He would bring in 2 liter bottles every night with about a quarter or less in them so he would have something to drink if he woke up in the night and they would just pile up next to the bed. Guess what, they were still there. Oh but that was all me. Meanwhile, I swear, all this hollering at me is doing nothing but making my stomach hurt worse. He gets the baby over here and I go to my room cause I feel so bad. I always shut my door to my room because there is so much in here she can get hurt on or pick up and put in her mouth. Now my door is junk. It has a broken bottom because it is one of those door that look solid but arent and at one time or other someone kicked it in when I had it locked. Oh heck, people kick it in all the time. I am not allowed to lock myself in my room. Well I was sitting on my bed and the baby tried to push on my door and the bottom that has split evidently caught her fingers or she simply cried because she couldnt get in...who knows which one...and he screamed at me that I slammed the door on her fingers. No I didnt. When I came in my room she was in the kitchen doorway. I saw her. I wouldnt have shut the door if she was closer. I would have picked her up and taken her back in the family room but she was just watching me from the doorway of the kitchen. Well he went ape. Cussing me out and everything. I was sitting on my bed and had to get up in order to even see what he was screaming about. Honestly I didnt even hear her. This is why I dont like having her here. I didnt have these issues with Keyana. I dont know why, but I didnt. I told him last night I really didnt much like living with anyone anymore. As far as I was concerned I would be perfectly happy if I could just live alone. I was tired of him abusing me. He laughed and said he had never abused me. I told him I was going to start taping him and he said only if he could tape me. I said fine but I was going to take my tapes to a mental health professional to see what they had to say about how he was reacting because I really think there is something going wrong with him. He isnt the same person I knew years ago. I am seriously going to talk to Jamie and ask him if he notices any changes. After that I am going to talk to his boss. I think there is something going wrong.