I have almost giving up..

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Cathygivesup, Jun 19, 2018.

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  1. Cathygivesup

    Cathygivesup Cathy

    I was looking into possible contacting dcsf when I found this...my two 15 year old twins are out of control and I live in fear all the time..they quit school, they do drugs, have sex, steal, lie, and do not have any respect for me or the police or themselves and I don't know what to do..my daughter is the worst of the 2 she has ran away for nearly 3 months only staying home 5 nights the whole time and has been running with a 21 year old boy that spends most of his time in jail..my son he is so messed up on downers all the time when he is sleeping I can't because I have to check to see if he is breathing..i have had to quit my last 2 jobs because of the school calling or the police and now I can't even leave my house because who knows what I will find when I return..
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Oh this is a terrible situation you are in. 15 is such a young age. I am not from the US so I can not help you navigate your support systems. Others here will definitely help you.

    Remember where there is love there is hope.
     
  3. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Hi. I am sorry for your trouble. There is actually help here but you MUST be willing to be brave and ask for it. I am in the U.S. and I think calling DCFS is a good idea. A friend I once had got a lot of help for a twelve year old boy by doing so in Illinois. He was breaking things, violent, mentally I'll and a danger to his sister so he was taken to a residential treatment center. The family finally had peace and he got treatment. I don't know the final outcome because the family moved, but they were doing better and son was allowed visits home unless he acted out, then they took him back or the police did. He was adopted and had a form of schizophrenia that he inherited from birth mother and had an attraction to his eight year old sister and he admitted it so he was not safe at home.


    I can.tell you a few things I myself would have done or considered. First of all, it is illegal for a 21 year old to touch a fifteen year old and I would have turned him into the police for statutory rape. Daughter may not be scared of police (yet) but she can't control the law.

    And at 15, especially with serious drug problems, I would call CPS (your idea) asking for help, rehab or a residential treatment center and I wouldn't care how angry they got. They need serious help and you can't do that. You aren't able to....you are not a professional. You can't force them to do stay sober but others can in a residential environment. You need a break from them too or you will get sick and that will help nobody. You need to take care of yourself. It sounds like they need to be off the streets too.

    Is there a father? Other kids at home that they can influence or hurt? Are they dangerous to you or do they destroy your property? Steal? Have you ever pressed charges? That is one way to get some activity going, maybe a rehab or residential treatment. Or it could be juvy hall but such young kids may get a better choice, but you have to make it happen. Or nothing will change. By 18 your only option will be live terrified or make them leave. It is better to do what you can now.

    You need to be at peace and feel safe under your own roof.

    At the very least you can go to Al Anon to talk to other people in the same boat to find out what they did and get support. I did this. It really helped me although I mostly just listened and cried for a few months but people reached out to me. I had no idea what to do or that I had a right to take care of myself.

    For sure first turn in m the slimebag 21 year old who is sick enough to date a 15 year old. This would have happened with me right away.

    Love and light. Others will come along. Stand strong!You can do this.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2018
  4. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Have you reported your daughter as a run away to the police?

    You can call the police when you find drugs or paraphernalia in your home or on your property.

    If the school isn't reporting them as truant, talk to them and tell them you need help, and reporting them might help you get services.

    I would start reporting this to the authorities to start a paper trail.

    You might ask to apply for a state Medicaid waiver for services for your kids. They could get a case manager, more therapy and help with out you paying for it. In my state, it's called Medicaid waiver for SED. Severely Emotionally Disturbed...

    Plus, if you don't report a missing child, you could be charged if they get in trouble and you didn't notify authorities.

    I know this is so hard... Been going thru something similar. I found help for me by attending AlAnon.
     
  5. Cathygivesup

    Cathygivesup Cathy

    I have reported everything to the police time and time again..i thought the first time she took off with the 21 year old and was found 8 days later hours away they would do something to the guy but no nothing happened..then after she returned home I found him hiding in her closet early morning she was in her panties and I called the police but again nothing..the police tell me as long as she says he has never touched her that there is nothing they can do..she was walking all over town with him and the police said that she can be freinds with whoever she choses and he is not broking the law so they advice a order of protection ..so I did that and even with me calling the police everyday telling them where they where it took until he was arrested for something else before they served his papers..she was home 2 day very sick coming off drugs wore out for walking in the heat and sleeping in abandoned houses ..after a few days she felt better and he was out of jail and now they are together in town hiding I guess..last I heard from her was 2 days ago..i sent a message I loved her and was worried about her and to please come home..she responded she doesn't want to come home she is being a teenager hanging with freinds and doing whatever she wants..i live in a small town and someone told me where they where staying but no one answers when I go there and I told police where I believed they where but have heard nothing...now at the same time her 15 year old brother is robbing me and all doped up pissed off and screaming at me about whatever he can come up with..i can go into any more right now..i am nearing the end of my rope..i don't have any idea what to do..
     
  6. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Get DCFS involved. They are different and more powerful than the local cops.
     
  7. Baggy Bags

    Baggy Bags Active Member

    Omg, I am barely surviving one and you have two! I'm so sorry and hoping there is help coming your way and soon. It's a nightmare that we all know too well. Glad you're here, lots of people with experience and advice. Hang in there!
     
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  8. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    My prayers are with you. if local police won't help how about state police and if no charges because your daughter won't tell the truth how about trespass for being in your house. I also agree with the others about DCFS. Document everything you have tried for both kids.
     
  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I found a site that describes the problem, and offers info about interventions. It is geared towards professionals but it is a start. It advocates against out of home placements in foster care.

    The book: Too many teens. The Casey foundation.

    Have either been diagnosed? What about an IEP, getting school involved?

    If they are truants, and there is some kind of disability involved, school must help.

    What about boys town or teen challenge?

    What you need is somebody to help you with a behavioral analysis and intervention. I would ask cps.

    I think at 16 they can go to job corps. I would check this out. If they are not disabled, I would tell each if them something like this:

    You can no longer run wild here with me. I will do whatever is within my power to do, to see that you get a grip. (Spell that out for each.) That includes surrendering your care or finding a program away from home. Be advised I WILL leave NO stone unturned. Work with me, or deal with the consequences.

    Then I would dedicate myself to make that true. Al anon. Coda. therapy. Child protective services. Police. Here.

    If they are old enough to run wild and defy you and your home, they are old enough to take consequences.

    I am tired and can't explain right now what the above programs are. But others will.

    Google is your friend. Enter their behaviors as search terms. See what comes up.

    Welcome. You are stronger than you think.

    You may not win, "but over my dead body" will be your battle cry.

    They will never defeat you. You have it in you.

    Keep posting here. Take care.
     
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