I have returned relatively unscathed...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Shari, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    And while I'm not completely happy with it, I think its as good as it will get for now.

    After much ado, they agreed to staffing the resource room (with SpEd teacher) and keeping Wee in it, WITH the morning para. The part I don't like, is that he will be on a shortened day again, but I have to agree, at this point, a shortened day is probably better since he will be self-contained. Don't like it, but...I can't see Wee being content inside 4 walls from 8am-3pm.

    This means that he will be in a different building (k-2 is in one building, 3-5 in another - his SpEd teacher is int he 3-5 building). For now, he'll just be in the resource room. If it goes ok, we'll bring back specials, but he'll be with the 3rd graders for specials. That's ok. We have to get there first.

    They did not attempt to paint a picture that it wasn't his disability. Phew. And no one argued when I pointed out where the ball was dropped with the BIP. Their argument, and valid one, was that they just aren't as skilled at reading Wee as I am, and as frustrated as I have been with them, I think I've said that. Tho even I can't say that their failures were the only cause for the suspensions. Wee has issues. Big ones.

    They agreed to self-contained, and they agreed to the para for the duration. No one is happy about it, but its more the nature of the beast...no one wants their kid to be self-contained, etc.

    His mainstream teacher very much wants to remain a part of his picture. SHe is working with the SpEd to figure out a way to stay connected. Not sure if visits to the classroom would be good, or if she visited him in the SpEd room, or what, but I think that relationship will be preserved. She cried at the decision to put him in self-contained.

    He will go back on Thursday. He'll get to do his star of the week stuff on Thursday with a visit back to the mainstream room.

    The goal in the resource room for now will be rebuilding the damaged relationship he has with his SpEd teacher and the Occupational Therapist (OT). From there, obviously, it will be academics. They will still have to send him home for any violence, but he can no longer be suspended another day for it.

    It was a lot of info. We have some updates to the IEP to make, and if he ever goes back mainstream, we'll have a TON of updates to make, but that's another battle for another day. Maybe it was a complete failure, but I think its the best I could get today.

    We meet again on the 23rd. If this is not working, we talk about other placements. If it is working, we talk about putting specials back in.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Shari, are you sure you don't want this moved to General?
  3. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh, probably. lol. Overload.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Mods, would you please move to General. Thanks.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Did they sign the manifestation determination saying that it WAS a manifestation of his disability? In a way the results don't sound too bad- my two fears are 1) you say they are still going to send him home if he gets violent but it won't be a suspension- then what exactly are they calling it?, and 2) I hate to lay this on you right now and with everything in me I hope I'm wrong, but I tend to think some people on that IEP team have already concluded that this will probably fail and are leading to discussing placement issues.

    If that is true, it might not hurt to be prepared to defend your position why difficult child should go to that one school you had in mind- if I remember correctly. If I were you, I'd go ahead and be looking into what school I thought would be best for him (public or private), otherwise, they might possibly try to force your hand into agreeing to one that is not in his best inteerest. Either that, or putting him on homebound.
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Shari -- It sounds like exactly where we were with Tigger at this time last year. Attending 10:30pm-2:30pm in a self-contained classroom of 1. Each and every time he needs to come home, it is a suspension -- even if it just applies to that day and must be documented as sych. Each and every time it happens, insist on a 'debrief' to go over what happened determine what set him off, what staff could have done to better support him and WHEN they should have done it. Be nice and thank them every time for their efforts, but force them to acknowledge their part in his meltdowns. And, hopefully, the will learn from the debriefs and improve their handling of him.

    I think being in the 3-5 building is great. New start and it is where he'll be next year anyway. Tigger is a 5th grader and does his specials with 4th graders (and as a 4th grader did his specials with 6th graders) - whatever works.

    Great job warrior mom!
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Yes, the manifestaton is signed.

    Since he will be physically located in another building, they called in the principal from that building, and she will now be his principal. She may be a problem...fact is, Wee has been physical and agressive, and its likely to happen again before we get it stopped. She wanted to look at placements now; she doesn't want that possibility under her responsibility and she was really against not suspending him, but we may have possibly gotten thru to her when even the staff agreed that the suspensions have not taught him one iota of anything. I dunno. She makes me nervous. But I wasn't going to get any other placement until we try this, and I'm not against this if it will work. So we will see.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Good point, JJJ. I always try to get the reports, but they don't always get them to me and we frequently don't go thru them...good point.

  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Glad the meeting is done and there is a plan! The only part I'm confused with is why he will still be coming home (even if not calling it a suspension) when violent.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I guess he won't if I don't go get him...
  12. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    The new principal won't stand for him to be in her building if he's aggressive. As I say...she concerns me. But that's ok. If they keep sending him home, they'll have to find another placement for him. And I will push for what's appropriate, ie. the next district over.
  13. flutterby

    flutterby Fly away!

    I think it went well. Maybe you didn't get everything you wanted, but you have to start somewhere.

    If this principal becomes a problem, there is always the Superintendent.
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I think you've made a good start. I hope things remain calm for Wee with his new schedule.
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    They at least understand now that you have to know Wee to handle Wee and there is no black and white in dealing with Wee. You have to stop and think thru every thing you do with him. SpEd teacher said she could bring in almost anyone highly skilled in behavior and even they wouldn't know what to do from the git-go. So they at least get that. That is good info to have for the future.

    SpEd director just can not wrap her mind around his inability to hang onto some things from one day to the next (ie suspension as punishment) yet he can hang onto something that frustrates him for several days. I don't feel I made much headway with that...something that frustrates him is something that he understands, perceives to be unjust, and is passionate about. Suspension...if he connects the dots that his behavior equals no school tomorrow, time is of absolutley no relevance to Wee...by "tomorrow", whatever he did have about it was gone...which is the same reason he still feels periodically bad about trangressions that happened weeks ago, yet will do the same thing later today or tomorrow....timme has no meaning to him. Literally. He still struggles to understand "yesterday" and "tomorrow" - how the heck is a suspension "tomorrow" (or, better yet, on a Monday for a Friday transgression) going to mean squat?

    Anyway. It is a start. I'm relatively numb about it all at the moment.
  16. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    sounds the complete opposite to me--you got a LOT accomplished, even if it doesnt feel like it.

    it appears they are willing to work with you, and you accomplished your immediate goals....proving manifestation and change of placement with better supports in place. from what you say, everything sounds very reasonable, and apparently very do-able.

    the rest will come...rome wasn't built in a day.
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Shari! Congratulations! A job well done. You have a new plan. Wee gets to know that you and the school are trying to make things better for him. He gets to go to a new place where there will be less stress for him. It provides a bit of trust for those around him - that they want things to be better, too.

    One concern I still have is with them calling you every time he escalates. I really, really believe that with any kid that can result in the child doing something on purpose to get to go home at some point.

    Is it possible for you to talk him down over the phone? It may not work every time, but it is worth a try.
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Re them calling you every time he gets beyond their control- well since they have acknowledged that they don't know wee well enough to know how to handle these situations any better, maybe you could use those calls as a good time to start teaching them. What would happen if every time they called you, instead of going to pick him up you listened to the details of what's going on then told them over the phone, without going to the sd, what you think is going on in wee's mind and steps for them to try.
  19. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    This sounds like progress....and it's about time. Hopefully this first step will go well and then onward from there.

    Good job!

  20. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    There is one "bright spot" to them calling when he escalates, and that is that SpEd is better at reading him than anyone...and now it will be SpEd and morning para SOLELY dealing with him. I expect once Wee settles down, there won't be many more escalations to deal with. What I do expect they will have to deal with, tho, is the can of worms they have created by allowing this to be dragged on for 3 months with anyone and everyone "handling" him and without a viable plan in place to head it off. I think Wee has lost faith that the SpEd can "save" him, and that will have to be rebuilt first and foremost.

    Wee and I talked about it this morning. He's ok with it. He will be with up to 3 other kids intermittently as other kids come into the resource room for their various pullouts, which is how his afternoon was already, and that worked well. He was worried about having recess and never seeing another soul while he was at school, but once I assured him that he would still have free time and he wouldn't be completely alone all day, he thought it was a good plan. He's even ok with going to recess with 3rd graders instead of his own class for this year.

    So all in all, I think all we can do is try this. I will speak to the advocate (who, by the way, did not come - she was tied up in another meeting) and ask her how to handle them calling me to come get him, and we'll go from there. We'll see what 3 weeks brings.
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2010