I just can't get away from the stress.......whine.......sorry!

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by DDD, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Yes I know there are a million people with worse and more complicated issues but I am having a hard time this week. There's really nothing any of you can do and there is nothing I can do. on the other hand I hope it helps me just to vent. (Go cook dinner during the vent and then come back and say something sweet and supportive. OK?) :embarrassed::dont_know:

    Yeah I'm a little embarrassed that I don't know how to defuse the stress. Frankly I don't think I can do it...because circumstantially I don't think it's doable. Sigh and whine.

    My husband is aging, unhappy, and unable to express how he feels = so he is smoking more cigars (knowing it is endangering my health but unable to help himself as he seeks relief). He is also drinking again, sigh. easy child/difficult child and I are awaiting word back on the latest house which is, once again, beyond my control. Suppose to hear by tomorrow at the latest. easy child/difficult child's SO doesn't give a Rat's what work is necessary to make the house inhabitable...she wants to share a house with easy child/difficult child. Her 17 year old and his 15 year old girlfriend have just discovered that they have a baby on the way. SO is THRILLED that she will be a GM at 35 and very proud that she talked her son's girlfriend into having the baby and not considering abortion. Wow! I was a dues paying member of NOW for years just so women could have a CHOICE. SO has three kids being raised by her parents and she TOTALLY believes that every baby should be born...even if it goes into "the sytem".

    Here comes the rambling, lol. easy child/difficult child tells me that HE and SO will allow her teen son and girlfriend to move into "their house" so the baby will have a home. WTH????????? I best quit here with the whine/vent. I am OVERwhelmed and really trying to reduce my stress for the sake of my health. by the way, I have a new hernia right at my navel (ugly sucker) and my surgeon told me last week "maybe" it won't cause any problems but if you feel pain call me and I'll implant a mesh protection since that is the most sensitive area from your surgery and "maybe" that will take care of the problem."

    This is NOT a good week. I'm really good at dealing with problems but there are too darn many. DDD
  2. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Oh My. Hugs to you. I cannot imagine how you are keeping your cool. I would be very unhappy with easy child/difficult child. The drinking and smoking would upset me, but the SO just latching on like that!! Take a deep breath. That is about all I can offer. I hope you receive positive news about the house. And, can husband smoke his cigars outside? (Is that how he handles his stress?)
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    husband was a heavy drinking Irishman who "quit" almost ten years ago to save our marriage. He and I both smoked cigarettes and I quit for ten years or so...and he smoked an "occasional cigar" away from home. Since I have had health problems he is a regular cigar smoker (supposedly limited to our back screened porch when home) and now he is back to drinking. The only concession I have gotten is that he promises to no longer drink away from home (avoiding DUI dangers) but due to his age when he drinks at home it still causes issues. He is a good man but he is not a strong man. If he has a few "pops" during the afternoon when I get home from work I find he has smoked in the computer room or other areas which are not allowed. My cancer is most likely to recur in the lungs or the liver. I am afraid of the lungs...which he knows and understands. on the other hand he has to comfort himself I guess. Geez. It is all very complicated and stressful. Not one person in my family is a "bad guy" but bad things happen. Sigh. DDD
  4. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I understand the heavy drinking Irishman. My grandpa was apparently the epitome of this (and Irish), up until the day I was born. My mom said you did not walk into the living room on Saturdays if the ND football game was on the radio. (They didn't have a T.V. until she was in H.S.) It is not the best way to cope, but ... I hope tmrw is a better day for you. Lots of gentle hugs.
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    What a bleeping mess. How does easy child/difficult child feel about becoming a stepgrampa at such a young age? Have to say if they DO move in he might seriously reconsider having kids of his own any time soon.
  6. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Holy Smokes! 17 and 15??! Aren't there laws about that, for crikey's sake lol? Sounds like SO is some kind of operator, and goodhearted easy child/difficult child is going to be railroaded and led around by the nose by miss cougar and her clan. OMG.
    husband is trying to deal with all the stress in the least explosive way possible, I guess. You deserve to vent. Cyber Hugs being sent in whatever support I can offer.
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Oh DDD, I am so sorry. I can totally understand your concern for difficult child's situation and your outrage. You have worked so hard for this to happen for him and she just swoops in with her clan of clowns and takes over before he even owns it. I understand your concern about your husband also. Stress makes us do things we wouldn't under normal circumstances. Whine away we are here for you. -RM
  8. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aw, DDD. I think you should lock both husband and his cigars outside. Ok, maybe not but that certainly is inconsiderate of him.

    Any chance you could get away by yourself for a little rest and relaxation? You have a guest room ready and waiting in Atlanta. Just pack some warm clothes since it is supposed to be chilly for the next few days.

  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh DDD I am so sorry you are under so much stress and I completely understand your frustration with both husband and difficult child and his SO and her offspring. After the hoops you jumped through to make this happen and she just walks in and acts like it is her property to do with waht she wants. I would be so irritated.

    And I am irritated because my own difficult child is living in an apartment that we often have to subsidize and she has a roommate who is not paying her share. And what does she do but let the roommate's boyfriend come stay there for free because he lost his job. To make matters worse he does not have a car or his license so difficult child is driving roommate to and from work everyday and letting this jerk stay with them and eat her food and not contribute one penny. husband and I were very upset since we just paid her February rent because she lost her job. husband told her to kick him out or he was not going to help her anymore. When difficult child complained they were eating her food they said why should she care it's not her money, it's food stamps. Grrrrrrrrr!!!!!! I can't tell you how angry I am with all of them.

    I hope things get better for you DDD.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    DDD. I have read several threads you've had the past few months although I haven't been posting much. I have to wonder at this point if your grandson getting a house is really a good idea at this point. I know you want to get him a permanent home because you believe it will help him have a more stable adult life from here on out, but it appears that every time he's close to getting one and talking about what it will be like, you end up more stressed about where it's actually leading. I don't think you should ignore that. I'd be concerned that once he actually does have one and there's no un-doing it, except for selling it at a later point, it just leaves a big door wide open with this girlfriend and her family and it could leave him in a more vunerable and financially compromised position than renting instead of buying would.

    I'm just waking up and having coffee so I hope that made sense. LOL!
  11. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh gosh. I worry for pcgfg's vulnerability to SO too. I worry the house will end up thrown away money because she will bleed him dry and the house payments won't happen. I'd be stressed too.

    But for your own good there has to be some kind of stress release. husband has to agree to the porch or stopping. Seems like you are being really fair to allow it anywhere because even on the porch I'm sure you can smell it. My grandpa smoked cigars and the air was gross even when he wasnt smoking in the house. Glad he won't drink and drive though.

    You deserve to be the one cared for for a long long time. You've done your care taking duties and paid your dues. I'm glad you vented. It is important not to stuff this kind of thing in.

    Now, time for a spa weekend.
  12. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys. I feel better after a good night's sleep and it really is comforting reading supportive responses to my whines. Just be glad that you don't live nearby as I'd likely be sharing all the anxiety and drama, lol.

    Thanks for posting Klmno. difficult child#! a/k/a easy child/difficult child is receiving back disability pay of over $35,000. I am his representative payee which means I have to make sure that money is spent for his future security. The two preferred goals are "an education" or "a home". There are a bunch of hoops to hop and I know the home option is the safest way to go in hopes of him having a secure future.

    His SO is not evil. She, like he, got way off track in high school. Luckily easy child/difficult child didn't reproduce but she had #1 when she was 16 and then a couple of years later lived with a guy who fathered her now teen daughter and her son who is around ten. Allegedly she got in trouble with the law by doing what her boyfriend forced her to do with the threat of abuse always hanging over her head. Her parents have had the three children for around four years I think.

    She is young for her age but in all fairness she makes him laugh, keeps a clean place, works around thirty hours a week at min. wage and insists that his former "sorry" friends are NOT allowed around him. Did I mention that she cooks from scratch and does the laundry plus makes sure he has all the romance time he wants???

    Although I have made sure that they both understand that his disability will be greatly reduced or eliminated if he marries she is determined to be Mrs. X as soon as possible. Cripes, on FB she uses his last name as hers already.
    I'm TRYING to focus on the Serenity Prayer. Once he has a home (no matter how many move in, sigh) I'm going to pretend that all is well and just enjoy the time we share with him. He makes a point of seeing us almost daily, calling to see if we are ok, need something etc. I'm TRYING to keep a positive focus. It ain't easy (plagarizing her family).

    He openly says that he loves her. I guess he does. Maybe I'm still not accepting that his life choices are not what we anticipated prior to the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Could be. Anyway thanks all for letting me vent. It's just the combination of trying to keep the business going until I can find a buyer, coping with an aging husband, dealing with the Gov't and then trying to follow my Doctor's orders. Some days I do a great job. Others....like yesterday....it's too much. DDD
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    You are dealing with alot and it is only natural that it gets overwhelming sometimes. I am glad that you are having a better day. -RM
  14. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, just read this. I'm sorry you have so much on your plate. Seems like your husband is using his own coping strategies to deal with your health issues and all the other stressors. I hope you can find ways to keep your peace and solace in spite of the choices those around you are making or not making. I work on that every day too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.............I hope you have a gentle, loving, easy and very peaceful day...........(((HUGS))))
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    DDD, stick to the goal....get difficult child a house. Never mind what goes on there after the goal is accomlished. And 2, tell husband smoking is ONLY allowed outside...at all times. Always. Period. Then go take a bubble bath!
  16. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    For some reason, whenever I start feeling sandwiched... somebody else comes along and takes another bite out of me.

    Hang in there, DDD.
  17. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Ditto the hang in there... I don't have any advice... And my anxiety is usually a byproduct if the frustration of knowing that no one is following MY plan which WOULD work in their best interest...if only they and karma would play along...(LOL)

    I can't give you any words of wisdom or advice because I never did find a way to address it or even cope well. And -yes- it seemed to get a lot worse and keep piling on.

    My only refuge was in a heating pad, a schedule, a glass of wine & a book and a good nights sleep (aided by 1/2 of a Tylenol pm when needed)... all of which were the antithesis of what made it worse! (being cold, crazy days, no me time, no sleep) Oh- and I kept my entertainment light- no scary movies, sardonic comedies or sad stories...

    Whatever helps you cope. This too shall pass...