Son still homeless

[Helpless29]

My son is still homeless in Jacksonville. I heard from him yesterday, it was about a week that I didn’t & I was already having those bad thoughts , I started calling hospitals & looking on the jail website. Last week his dad has sent him $25 to a cash app card that belonged to someone he was hanging out with , well that night when I texted my son if he had gotten something to eat , he admitted to being high & his texts messages made no sense , high on what I don’t know .Anyway phone call with him yesterday did not go well , I had so many questions about how’s he been , what’s he been doing etc.. he was irritated by all this .
I told him I found a place for him to get help & I would help pay the greyhound ticket for him to get there , he said Yes but then asked me for money when I told him no , he said he wasn’t going to treatment then , I mentioned his behavior & how he acts when he dosent get his way . He told me let him live with me , I told him no , that he has a drug problem & needs treatment & he just began to tell me about how I have a house, cars a roof over my head etc trying to guilt me . He told me how I stress him out, which made me so angry , I stress him out!! I told him does he even know what I go through everyday knowing he’s living on the streets how stressed out I am!! He hung up on me. He pretty much just wanted money & no questions asked . He did call his dad but he also told him no , when his dad mentioned treatment he said he’s fine and he’ll think about it , so obviously he’s not ready to get help .

 

[Copabanana]

Hi Helpless. I am sorry your son is not open to change. My son isn't either. He is homeless too. I don't know where he is nor do I have a way to contact him. It has been about 6 weeks. So, I know what you are going through, as I am living it too.

I watch a lot of Netflix! Sometimes all I ask of myself is to hold on to myself. By that I mean, to not let myself go down, down, down into the abyss. And Netflix helps. When I am going to sleep or waking up I find myself lying on my side with both arms around my chest, holding myself. Sometimes in life, that is all there is to do. I care about you Helpless.

 

[Helpless29]

Hi Helpless. I am sorry your son is not open to change. My son isn't either. He is homeless too. I don't know where he is nor do I have a way to contact him. It has been about 6 weeks. So, I know what you are going through, as I am living it too.

I watch a lot of Netflix! Sometimes all I ask of myself is to hold on to myself. By that I mean, to not let myself go down, down, down into the abyss. And Netflix helps. When I am going to sleep or waking up I find myself lying on my side with both arms around my chest, holding myself. Sometimes in life, that is all there is to do. I care about you Helpless.

Im so sorry six weeks is a long time. Having no contact is the hardest part and the not knowing .I hope you hear from him soon. I wish I had good advice to give you like you always given me but I’m still here trying to keep it together. You always helped me get through my toughest times.
Even though are phone call did not go well, I’m glad that I was able to talk to him , not sure when will be the next time , he was angry & said he won’t be calling me back for a long time but I know it was to hurt me since I didn’t give him money . I will be thinking of you & praying for both our sons.

 

[New Leaf]

Hello Helpless,
I am so sorry for all you are going through. It is such a difficult journey for us parents.

He told me let him live with me , I told him no , that he has a drug problem & needs treatment & he just began to tell me about how I have a house, cars a roof over my head etc trying to guilt me .

This has always been hard for me, when my daughter asks to come home, and I have to say no. It hurts. My reality is the same as yours, drug problem, needs treatment, the whole shebang. We went through years of trying to "help" my two, but it was to no avail. The drama and chaos that goes along with drug use is unacceptable. It is still hard to say no. The material things we have, came through hard work and trying our darnedest to make the right choices. Our adult kids have no right to try to guilt us for working hard to have a roof over our heads.

He told me how I stress him out, which made me so angry , I stress him out!! I told him does he even know what I go through everyday knowing he’s living on the streets how stressed out I am!!

Geez. Really. My daughters pretty much said the same kinds of things to me, even told me they are the way they are, because of me. It is amazing and extremely sad and maddening at the same time, how our addicted adult children twist the narrative to try to keep us in the FOG. I think that they are trying to convince themselves that we are the "bad guy" in all of this. It helps them to keep living as they do.

He hung up on me. He pretty much just wanted money & no questions asked .

Im sorry, Helpless. It's hard enough dealing with life's daily stressors. Going through a week with no contact and mothers catastrophic thoughts working overtime, then to have contact like this. I have been there, too, and still go through some very rough patches.

He did call his dad but he also told him no , when his dad mentioned treatment he said he’s fine and he’ll think about it , so obviously he’s not ready to get help .

Im sorry your son is not ready to get help. I'm glad that you and your husband are on the same page as far as not sending money. How I do hate this reality for all of us here. It is a deep hurt to see our beloveds making horrendous choices. Sometimes, I just have to let the sadness out, before it swallows me whole. Sometimes I feel so angry. I know that I have to keep moving and work it out physically, otherwise, I just keep reeling those tapes and I start to feel that empty feeling, that everything and nothing feeling. There are days where I have to "fake it till I make it." Then, I have to remember that I gave my two in prayer to God, and pray with all of my heart that they will find themselves again. That usually helps me breathe and center myself. I hope that you can find ways to soothe your aching mommas heart, Helpless.

My son isn't either. He is homeless too. I don't know where he is nor do I have a way to contact him. It has been about 6 weeks. So, I know what you are going through, as I am living it too.

I am so sorry Copa. Sending you both love and gentle hugs.
May God help us through this.
Leaf

 

[Crayola13]

Tell him you’re not a travel agent for guilt trips. He could have a roof over his head, a full stomach, and money, too, if he chose to live a normal life. Maybe a conventional, normal life is too boring for him. Maybe he likes the unpredictable nature and danger of the streets. It could be that he’s exploring the world, etc. Maybe he feels like he can relate more easily to homeless people. It’s impossible to understand his train of thought and behavior. The decisions he’s made are scary and sad. I wish things were different. There are some people we just have to give up to God and trust that he will take care of them. His future is uncertain. Maybe this is just a phase that he will outgrow.

No one could blame you for feeling scared and nervous. Have you talked to a doctor about taking Paxil or some type of antidepressant? Antidepressants also treat anxiety and nervousness. My son suffers from severe anxiety with depression, but Paxil has helped him tremendously. Also, keeping busy and swimming help. I read that you went to a craft class but couldn’t focus because of the worry and pain in your heart. Try going again. It’s hard to turn the mind off when we’re upset, but you can do it if you practice enough.

Try breathing into a paper bag. It takes practice and a long time to learn how to do correctly. Once you master it, you’ll feel much better. Have you tried other breathing exercises? Google how to do breathing exercises for anxiety. It doesn’t work immediately. You have to be patient and learn how to make it work for you. In time the breathing exercises can be very relaxing. Sometimes when I get upset I run the vacuum or do cross stitch to keep busy. I’ve baked a cake at midnight when I was too upset to sleep. It helped me calm down.

 

[Deni D]

Tell him you’re not a travel agent for guilt trips.

Not that we would say this as they are ranting on, but to think it to ourselves is most appropriate for our adult children who seem to think they are still actual children.

My son has a roof over his head, has been doing okay. But he's had a few set backs lately, not of his making, but he is not reacting/acting in a way to take care of himself going forward right now. I'm back to feeling like the train is on the tracks, again, and about to run over my enabling , again. And he's jumping over hurtles and through hoops to try to move me into a position to blame for it all when his bad decisions makes it fall apart like he did in the past, so mom will rescue him. Double talk and angry outbursts over benign suggestions from me trying to make me into the villain and the cause of his falling apart were rampant today.

The behavior is similar to the past when he was sleeping in cars because he ran away from the sober living situation and wouldn't even volunteer for 20 hours a week for me to agree to continue to pay for a roof over his head. Back then it was a living nightmare, groundhog day, every day for months, hellish existence. But at that point I felt there was nothing else left for me to do. I really felt he was going to move forward or not survive, because someday I will be gone and then what? He moved forward, as my hair rapidly turned gray and my blood pressure went up and is controlled by medication now. And so it goes on but to a lesser degree of your worry today. Hopefully my son will pull himself out of the hole he's trying to dig for himself now. I will support him but will not enable him because as I told him I believe he's "got this". Ef the train that's on the tracks, I've been run over too many times.

I know where you are, been where you are.

he just began to tell me about how I have a house, cars a roof over my head etc trying to guilt me

I have heard this many times, and it did affect me back then, but he is not a child who's been thrown out on the streets, he is an adult who put himself on the streets. I felt so guilty for what I have compared to my son, but why? I didn't consider I was neglected or abused at 18 because no one provided for me as I made the decision to go my way to make my way in life. I mean really, when did you as a young adult, hungry, working two jobs figure your parents owed you because they had a house and cars? I didn't even think about what my parents had, I thought about the freedom I had to do what I wanted as long as I could take care of myself, so I took care of myself. I know my son was not raised to be a selfish, entitled piece of work, I'm sure he got that from outside influences. And I know my son has more challenges, mentally, than I did, but he has support I never did.

He told me how I stress him out, which made me so angry , I stress him out!!

My son has said this back then and again today. You don't stress him out, reality stresses him out, you just remind him of his reality. Reality checks are difficult for those who try very hard to run from reality. Too bad they don't know dealing with reality themselves is so much less stressful, maybe one day...

One good thing for your son is he is in a larger city in Florida. I'm down here now. Florida is known for the homeless population because it doesn't often get cold like it does up north. In the larger cities, like Jacksonville, there are many resources, addition help, mental illness help. Homeless shelters with social workers to help people get what they need if they reach out. In the smaller towns, like where I am, there's not so much help, no shelters, no social workers and no transportation for people to get to help.