I just got a call from day treatment - you won't believe this

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jul 24, 2009.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    It's 7:10 or so & I rec'd a call from day treatment about kt. Seems she went to school in her p.j. because I have (my choice) not delivered her the huge list of clothes she "needs" including her makeup.

    I'm taking (by advice of my therapist, kt's psychiatrist & Residential Treatment Center (RTC) therapist) a break from my ktbug ~ I cannot look at her right now. My anger however unreasonable it may be needs to be at a much lower intensity.

    I told day treatment/school to call Residential Treatment Center (RTC) & have them deal with it. I'm sure kt is reeling that I'm once again not rescuing her from some pretty poor choices.

    I just can't believe that Residential Treatment Center (RTC) allowed her to walk out the door in her pajamas.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Where is that rolling eyes, shaking head smiley guy when you need him?! I can't believe they let her walk out with her pj's on! Too bad she didn't have the clothes she "needs".......

    A well deserved break Linda.

  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I am proud of you for the break. I agree that kt needs to see the consequences of her actions. And you are - by detaching - being a great Mom!

    Keep it up. By the way, you're one of my heroes. I thought you should know.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh, that sweet kt bug, her "needed" clothes and makeup are now but a memory. What manipulation. I'd let her go to school in her pjs (assuming she's decently covered) the rest of the summer.
  5. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    difficult child in training discovered that he could get me worked up by taking off all his clothing and going out side but naked. I would hold the door shut and insist he put some clothing back on. It was not until I stopped reacting let natural consequences take hold and just let him walk out that he stopped that little adventure. PJs would be an improvement.
  6. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hi Linda--

    The first thing I thought in regards to the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) letting her out the door in her pajamas is that KT's jammies must look pretty similar to the "regular clothes" she's been wearing lately....

    Or, perhaps she has been wearing jammies all along as a protest that she did not yet get the things she "needs"...

    Either way, I think you are doing to right thing by letting her face the natural consequences of her actions.

  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, I was always shocked by how many kids went to school with their jammie pants on. I guess they are called 'lounge pants'. Slippers, too. My difficult child got a pair of slippers for Xmas from boyfriend (she asked for them) and the first day she went to walk outside in them and I told her to put some shoes on. She said, "These are my shoes."
    I let it go, just would not allow her to wear them in the house.

    I am surprised Residential Treatment Center (RTC) let her go - unless it was these Jammie pants - it is what they do these days.
  8. graceupongrace

    graceupongrace New Member

    Linda, you are wise to let day treatment & Residential Treatment Center (RTC) deal with this. If you were to jump in, it would give kt another reason (in her mind) to portray you as the bad guy. Way To Go!

  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Detach, detach, detach. Way to go, Linda! :bigsmile:

    How are those floors coming along?
  10. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Let's see....she's old enough to pick out her own clothes (I'm also assuming t-shirt and pj pants), too big to "force" into regular clothes and she's not living at home. Exactly what does day treatment expect you to do about it???


    Good job though! Her choice, her consequences.
  11. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I applaud you too for letting the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) deal with it! That's why she's there. They're the ones who let her walk out the door that way ... they caused the problem, let them fix it! And YOU kick back and relax and take care of YOU for a change ... do whatever you want to do, or do nothing at all but kick back in a chair and enjoy the peace and quiet if that's what you want to do. You deserve every last minute of it! Just curious ... is your niece still living there with you?

    Unfortunately, I think this is becoming accepted in some areas. I've seen young girls in the grocery store wearing old t-shirts, ratty-looking flannel pj bottoms and bedroom slippers! Not even nice ones, but ratty looking sloppy ones! OK at home maybe, but it looks nasty in the checkout line at the grocery store! Hey, I got dressed before I went to the store, why didn't they bother? Has anybody ever sleep-walked and ended up in the frozen food aisle of the grocery store? Hopefully, this too shall pass.
  12. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Wearing pajama pants & t-shirt in public has been the big style here for probably a year. I've never let easy child do it, I just can't handle my kid going out wearing pjs, but if it's the rage the teens will do it. Yep, let the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) handle it, they let her out the door dressed that way.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Let the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) deal...exactly.
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You did great telling them to call the Residential Treatment Center (RTC).
    by the way, easy child goes to school in her plaid pajama bottoms often with a t-shirt. All the kids do it and I like it better than the short, shorts.
  15. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I was last in middle school nearly forty years ago. I LIVE in "lounge pants".

    I have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), and on bad days when I can't stand anything that feels restrictive; I do pair my bottoms with a matching/coordinating top and go out in them.

    Frankly, anyone interested in me isn't interested in me due to my clothing, my body, or my teeth.

    Plus, I am definitely just enough on the spectrum and BiPolar (BP) to not really give much of a hoot what people think.
  16. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Linda,

    "My anger however unreasonable it may be needs to be at a much lower intensity."

    I have felt this way many times but I don't know that I ever had the awareness of it at the time like you do. I am going to try to feel this the next time and realize I need to take the time for me.

  17. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Linda - sorry, I had to chuckle. Has day treatment never heard of picking their battles? I would guess Residential Treatment Center (RTC) wasn't going to fight kt over her clothing. Of course, her claim that you hadn't brought clothes and makeup was sheer manipulation. Sigh... sounds like day treatment needs to join the rest of the team on holding kt accountable. If pj's violate dress code, they need to come up with- a very unattractive consequence for her.

    Personally, hon, I'd delay delivery of additional clothing for a while. And makeup? Not only no but... NO! This isn't fashion camp.

    Hang in there and do not allow yourself to even think about feeling guilty for needing time to regain your footing.

  18. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    You mean she has absolutely no clothes other than pyjamas? I doubt THAT!

    No, this sounds to me like a kid testing the system. "Let's see how far I can push it - if I don't change out of my PJs, will anyoone here even notice? How much d'ya wanna bet?"

    And she got all the way to school...

    Sounds to me like Residential Treatment Center (RTC) have egg on their faces.