I have search through many of these threads hoping that someone, anyone, has walked a little in my shoes. I just need to know I am doing the right thing. 41 years ago last August I had a beautiful baby boy. He was fullterm, healthy and seemed to make all of the milestones he should have in those first 18 months. When he was a little over 2, I put him to bed one night and when he woke up the next day, he was a completely different child. He had forgotten all the things he had learned......and his behaviour was completely different. He had uncontrollable rages, often for things that would bring joy to most children ( Christmas, birthday, summer vacations). Over the course of his childhood and adolescence we saw well over 20 specialists. No one could tell me what happened....but many made me feel that I had done something to cause his developmental challenges (at 42, his intellectual ability is about 10 and his emotional level is around 14) as well as his psychiatric issues. Diagnosed 15 years ago with "systemic brain disorder" I have done everything humanly possible to help him live a life that brings him happiness and fulfillment. But just when I think he has been "calm" and on an "even keel" for awhile.....he has a giant meltdown and we are back to square one. This past weekend was one of those meltdowns. He was frustrated by his apartment issues and instead of listening to me and going about things legally....he lost his mind and ended up in EPT at the local hospital. Unfortunately they let him go without notifying me he was even there. He ended up back at his apt building where he went ballistic again and did some damage to their lobby cameras. This time the police didn't take him to EPT....they brought him to the local jail. Although everyone seems to acknowledge that he is limited intellectually and is clearly disabled, he is being processed as a fully functioning adult. I know he knows right from wrong so what he did deserves to be punished but I have been struggling for years trying to get him help before something like this happened again. I have had to be his one to one worker, his counsellor and the person who was trying to maintain his independent living situation. Along the line I feel that somehow I have failed him as a mother. The system for adults with developmental disabilities in Canada is very much "reactive" rather than "Proactive". I have attended meeting after meeting, year in and year out and virtually every single meeting ends with...."mom you are doing a great job helping your son live in the real world but if you have a crisis we will go from there". Well the crisis is here and now the justice system wants me to give them a surety (my house) and bring him home to live with me and my husband. We have done this before and it fell apart....very quickly. He directs his anger at me and my husband was afraid he was going to hurt me. The courts make you feel like a horrible human being and mother for refusing to agree to posting bail. I almost caved today but I asked for another day to talk to his dad (not my present husband). He told me that I needed to let him stay in a locked setting so that the system will now step up and do what they should have done years ago. He needs to be in a supervised living environment and it can't be me doing it. I am 2 years away from retirement and I am so exhausted from doing it all. I know I am his mother but I have been his saviour and his bank of Canada much more often than not and I just can't do it anymore. My younger son, who is a successful businessman and father, tells me everyday that I have done everything possible for my troubled son but I just can't seem to shake off this feeling of utter failure. I have spent the better part of this weekend crying and I am so embarrassed by all of this. I am sorry for this lengthy post....I just needed to put into words how much my heart is breaking and to hopefully get a few words of encouragement that I am doing the right thing by not bailing him out this time.