TM,
I can't imagine how much you hurt from not having the support of your husband, your mate, your lover, your best friend......when you loose a parent. I think next to a child; that has to be one of the most devastating losses we face in our lives, and if you haven't ever faced any other loss? Then it is the most horrific of all to date in your life. Not having his support had to have left you so raw, and hurt.....to have held all that in and not expressed it to him or anyone until now? WOW. Just wow. Truly I do not know how you've managed not to blow a cork. You're some kind of woman, I will tell you that much. Another thing I'll add is that - while I find it admirable? I also find it unhealthy. Not in a "Oh look you're bad" way - but as a girlfriend to girlfriend way? Look what it's doing to you now? Tit for tat. That's not like you.....Not the YOU I know. So even if the situation at hand IS ugly and stressful beyond words, the behavior for you is out of character. That's the part that puzzles me, and for the most part? It's not a huge puzzle - He was a jerk, you got no support, you found an avenue to vent similar frustration and teach him a lesson and feel vindicated - (I get that) But there's more to it - LOTS more - and THAT is the part that I find 'the puzzle' The "WHAT ELSE" that y ou don't necessarily have to tell me - but the between the lines that needs to be addressed with you sooner than later, because I care about you, and this thing has festered long enough. Not just the My Mother is dying it's stressful, I'm needy and therefore i'll lash out thing......but the ALL OF IT thing.....the behind the scenes thing.
I'm not sure what it is......or what's going on ........but I think now might be a good time to find somebody to talk to -----about whatever it is that is going on with you. NOT necessarily him. Maybe some of the "with you" is because of him - but it's not all him. Unless I'm completely off my rocket. And that could be too., Been known to happen.
In essence? I'm here.....I'm listening with a new set of eyes......and I hear you.
Hugs & Love
Star