I need some strength

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flutterbee, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    After taking her medications for 3 weeks and showing marked improvement, Wynter decided Friday night that she wasn't taking them anymore. Big battle ensued. I will spare you the details, but I did tell her that I didn't want to be miserable even if she doesn't care if she is and I will not have her dumping her misery on me and Devon.

    She's been getting worse by the day. Today she progressed to hitting walls and doors, throwing things, screaming, slamming her door so hard the house shook, and being mean to the animals.

    I walked back to her room and opened her door without knocking (something that just really bothers her - she really values her privacy). And I calmly told her that she is either taking her medications tonight or the only things she will have in her room are her bed and her clothes; that she will lose everything else. She screamed that it's not fair and I told her that I didn't care, closed her door and walked into the kitchen.

    She followed me into the kitchen screaming at me. I ignored her and as I walked past her to go to my bathroom, she screamed right in my ear. With whatever is going on with me, I am *extremely* sensitive to noise (light and smells, too) and her screaming in my ear really, really hurt. I felt it throughout my head, in my teeth and it was like an electric shock in my head. I ignored her. She followed me back to my bedroom yelling and I closed my bedroom door, locked iy and proceeded to the shower. Got ready, knocked on her door, told her I was going to the dentist and left.

    I fully intend to follow through with this. I'm not physically capable of removing things from her room so I will have to have Devon help me if she refuses tonight.

    I am drained physically and emotionally. This is a huge step for me. I've always firmly believed that she has to be an active and willing participant in all aspects of therapy, including medications, or she would just fight me on everything and once she turned 18 she would just stop, Know what I mean?? But, I am the mom and it is my responsibility to make the decisions for what is best for her - and the rest of the family - whether she likes it or not. Afterall, if she were diabetic, she would have no choice over taking insulin, right?

    I'm learning.

    I need the strength of the board to get me through this. I'm pretty emotionally fragile myself and this is going to be WWIII. I'm hoping she proves me wrong on that aspect.

  2. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Did she give you a reason why she wants to stop? Is there something about the time she is suppose to take it or the form it is in? Can we help come up with a way to overcome something?

    I am sending strength. Remember that you are Mom and you do know what is best.
  3. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Good for you, Heather! Yes, you are learning and I am so proud of how you handled things. Stay strong, you can do this and she actually does need you to be a strong, calm mom who is in charge. You are right, it is your responsibility to make the decisions--she may do it differently when she is 18 but she is still only 13 and way too young to just let her make these sorts of decisions.

    Let us know how it goes,

  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am sending boatloads of strength. I think you are doing remarkably well with the situation.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Wish I lived near you. I've been through this but with therapy participation so I know how ugly the battles can get. I'd happily hold your hand through it all. So, the best I can do is send you my hand for you to squeeze as you must to get through this.

    For now, know you are doing the right thing. Who knows, maybe by the time she is 18 she won't need the medications. It is possible that the medications today will help her enough to get her through her later teen and adult years. As you said, if she needed insulin there would be no debate. Right now she needs these medications -- you've seen the difference. So, there is no option.


    by the way -- Given that she knows your noise sensitivity, I'd pretty much consider the screaming, especially in the ear a deliberate act of violence and treat it accordingly. Your LMP would be so grounded for that move it wouldn't be funny. As I continually tell my child, you're allowed to get angry. You can even throw pillows and stuffies. You cannot become violent towards me or towards property. If you can control your anger enough to figure what will do the most harm, you can control it enough to not do that.

    Oh, and more HUGS
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Heather, Way To Go. I know it's hard, but it has to be done. Sending many gentle hugs and strength your way. Please let us know how it goes.
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Heather, I agree that you're taking the right steps and you're handling this very well.
    Sending strength and hugs your way, and polishing up your warrior mom armour.

    Please keep us posted.

  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Good for you girl!!! I know this is hard but you are doing the right thing, you are the mom, the boss.

    Sending strength and {{{HUGS}}}

    Good luck tonight. :)
  9. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I have normal hearing and I remember Daughter SCREAMING into my ear when she was 12 or 13. It hurt! I can't even imagine what it was like for you.

    I would be open to a valid reason for not taking medications. Such as side affects that simply don't make the medication worth taking. Other than that, it's a non-negotiable. If she refuses, strip that room.

    Son pretty much battles me on everything. Bathing, brushing his teeth, and taking medications. I get so tired of the day in and day out grind of it. But, as far as the medications go, he'll sleep outside before I will waver on that issue.

    Sending strength and hugs.
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Geez- what a day! Sorry you had to go through this. I wonder if something else is going on with her? Anyway, you have to stick to your guns and I don't blame you.

    Re. medications- sometimes difficult child says he isn't going to take his. I walk away and say "fine, you know the consequences". So far, within 20 mins, he's taking them. That's with the exception of his approx. 10 day period this summer when he was cheeking them half the time. That's bad, I know, but I figure I'd rather know that he's refusing to take them, then to think he did and find out that he cheeked them.
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2008
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Another thing that makes this so hard is that every psychiatrist, therapist and pediatrician has told me not to make her take the medications if she doesn't want to. I've heard that since Devon was 10 and diagnosis'd with severe depression. And if I tell them that I'm going to have to force the issue, they get all concerned.

    But, they don't live with the child. They don't see her true colors. Not for a while at least. At least one therapist did and then she agreed that she HAD to have medications. And another heard it over the phone (and Wynter was upstairs, I was downstairs) and went from thinking I was overreacting to wanting her to see a psychiatrist in about 5 seconds flat.

    So, I've just always been unsure as to what to do.
  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Heather, you aren't making her take her medications. It's still her decision... have her stuff or don't take the medications. You're merely compelling her to do what's in her best interest. I think there's some stuff in the archives about monitoring for the cheeking of medications if you think that may become an issue.
  13. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    OMG. That was probably the hardest thing I've had to do. I didn't show it, though, and I'm not sure if that was good or bad.

    I took her medications to her and I really think she thought it had all blown over and I wasn't going to follow through. She said she hadn't had time to think about it. I told her she had had since 1pm. Then she said that she had wanted to talk to me about it. I told her I had been home since 4:30pm. Asked her if she was going to take them and she said she didn't know (stalling tactic) and I started unhooking her computer. Devon unhooked her tv. She's sobbing like I have just broken her heart. Alligator tears and all. Kept giving her chances. When I took her guitar she really lost it. Then I closed her door.

    Came into the kitchen just shaking and told Devon that was the hardest thing I've ever done. He told me he was glad I said that because he thought it was hard, but that I seemed like I wasn't having any trouble with it.

    A few minutes later, she comes into the kitchen still sobbing. We talked about it. First she was angry and telling me I never answered her questions. When I asked what questions, she brought up the same questions that I had answered on Friday and I told her that I was not rehashing things ad nauseum. (Then had to explain that term to her.)

    She keeps saying the medications aren't working, which they clearly were and she had even commented while she was on them that she smiles more and is more outgoing. I told her, however, that the doctor will make her go to the higher dose before she will try something else. So, I told her 2 weeks at the 10mg, then 2 weeks at the 20mg and if at that time she feels like it's not working that we will call the doctor right away and get a different medication. (Same thing I told her on Friday, by the way.)

    Told her how much I love her and how hard this was for me. Told her I was doing this because it is my job as her mother to do what I think is best. Told her that she still does have a choice (thank you, TM). Talked about a lot of things.

    In the end, she agreed and she took her medication. She has her stuff put back. Her biggest complaint right now is that she has 20 mg pill and we have to cut them and they taste terrible. She is very dramatic and makes a lot more out of it, but I'll do what it takes, Know what I mean?? She's not supposed to have 20mg as I told the doctor I wanted to keep her at 10mg longer, but they called in 20mg anyway. If I had realized that before I got them home, I wouldn't have gotten them. I do have a script for the 10mg, but I doubt the insurance will pay for it since it hasn't been 30 days; they'll just want us to cut them. So, I told her that if the insurance won't pay for them tomorrow that I will. The gas bill will just have to wait until next month to get paid.

    I hope I never have to do this again. It broke my heart. :crying:
  14. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    You did great! It is harder on you than it is on Wynter. You handled this very well.

    Now, is there some way you can get her to take this icky medication without tasting it? Does she like oatmeal? Can you hide it in a spoon of peanut butter of applesause or yogurt or ice cream? That is a very real reason to stop a medication - it is so unpleasant knowing that every day you have to face this icky taste.
  15. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    They only taste bad because we have to cut them right now. Otherwise, they have no taste - unless you hold it your mouth to long and it starts to dissolve.

    She used to take them in pudding, but she doesn't want to do that anymore.

    I did run through McDonald's a get her a chocolate shake so she could have that right after taking it.
  16. Deni

    Deni New Member

    Way To Go!! You are right, YOU are MOM. Sending hugs and support your way!
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You handled everything beautifully. Wish that made it easier but I know it doesn't. I really do believe she knows how much you care. When they don't want to take their medications it is so difficult. We have gone round and round with it with easy child and at times difficult child even though they know we will not budge. I hope Devon will continue to take her medications. Many gentle hugs being sent your way.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hand her a handful of gum drops or jelly beans after she takes the medication and she wont even taste it anymore. I do this every night because I have to cut one of mine plus I take so many at once that by the time I actually manage to swallow them they have dissolved a bit in my mouth. I get the icky taste.

    But yes...the medications were working because she actually talked to me on the phone and was pleasant and happy. Good grief...she spoke to a complete stranger! She could have never done that pre-medications.
  19. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    I think you did the right thing.

    My younger daughter has to take a pill that starts dissolving before she can swallow it. She has found that if she fills her mouth with water first, then puts the pill in and swallows it that it doesn't leave the nasty taste behind. Following it with candy is also a good idea if there is a taste.
  20. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you handled things very well. Hope you're able to get some time to take care of you now. many hugs.