I Really Detest Mother's Day.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DazedandConfused, May 8, 2016.

  1. DazedandConfused

    DazedandConfused Active Member

    I dread it and can't wait until it's over.

    I did get a "Happy Mother's Day" text from Son (19) who is traveling with his Dad.

    Daughter, who lives at home, nothing. Unless, leaving the front door locked all night and the garage door wide open while I was gone taking my own mother out to breakfast counts for "something".

    Perhaps one day I'll have the energy to share our slow, agonizing death of a relationship.

    Today, I just want to make it through.

    Note to self: Stay OFF Facebook the entire week prior to Mother's Day.
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  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I'm so sorry.

    I had someone ask me today if I heard from my son today. I had to hold back from laughing. It just struck me as absurd to think that my son would actually reach out to me today. I politely told this person, "no, I never hear from my son on Mother's Day"

    Snubbed again! I think that should be on a T-shirt.

    I hope you have a better day tomorrow and a better week.
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  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I am loving mother's day this year. I had no expectations what so ever.

    All I did was bake scones to go with my English mystery I am reading in bed. And dinner. Tri Tip. I am back in bed. Happily.

    My son was reminded yesterday by M, my SO. Oh Mother's Day, he said.

    I guess he thinks mothers are supposed to celebrate their sons or something like that.

    His error. My son does not define me.
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    Last edited: May 8, 2016
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Why in God's name do we torture ourselves like this? Why? We are like moths to a flame.

    Today I was looking at all the wonderful, healthy, uber-functioning adult children of my Facebook friends and their adorable, perfect grandchildren. And I could feel my depression slowly starting to creep back.

    I don't know why I think it's like some kind of competition, or something. And I, personally do have a lot to be grateful for. And my son has been doing better lately. But reading these postings just rubs it in...that their off spring are functioning at such a high level and my son works at his minimum wage job, struggles to stay sober and goes to therapy three times a week.

    I've tried gratitude lists. I've tried meditation, and reading The Power of Now (my daughter recommended that book)

    It's not working.

    I agree, Mother's Day is just another moneymaking Halmark holiday. Although I did get flowers from the kids. I love flowers.
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    in a daze, this is wonderful. I am so proud of your son. My son is doing none of these things, but he is doing better. I am grateful.

    You are right. This is not a competition. Our kids are not prize race horses, fighting for a photo finish win. We are not some brood mare to be judged based upon whether we breed champions. These are our beloveds and we are theirs.

    I am so grateful that my son is doing better, that I gave myself a wonderful mother's day doing absolutely nothing at all.

    Please try to stop being hard on yourself. Happy mother's day. You are beloved.
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  6. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah, the FB brag-a-thon. Puke-worthy.

    I have developed a different take on Mother's Day after getting to know some Warrior Moms around here.

    Moms are here posting, researching, soul-searching to come to terms with a relationship that has defined them for many years, and from which they have gotten little in return. Actually, getting little would be an improvement for many of us. Many of us get PLENTY, none of which is desirable or rewarding.

    But we keep doing our mothering thing. We keep loving them.

    We agonize over how much to show that love, because frequently it results in their drawing blood from us. But it doesn't mean we love them any less.

    Those moms who lift the rear ends of minivans off their children have nothing on us. We have shown some feats of amazing strength and steadfastness with little or no expectation of anything in return.

    I like what Copa said. No expectations.

    And if we answer only to ourselves, then I have to say the moms I have gotten to know around here are some truly awesome moms, and I hope everyone can take pride in that.
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  7. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Copa, thank you for this. Beautifully said. It's the wakeup that I needed.

    This feeling bad that my kid is not living up to the Facebook ideal has more to do with ME and MY insecurities, I think, going back to my early teenage years (although I'm not going to go there, but there it is, I said it).

    Thanks you sweetie, and and happy Mother's day to you!

    My day was actually pretty nice, although I was still kind of ruminating about what my sister said to me last night (more insecurity. Maybe something for the Family of Origin thread). I think this incident I had with her may have set me off for the pity party I had last night (cried myself to sleep) and today.

    Thanks for letting me vent....
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  8. DarkwingPsyduck

    DarkwingPsyduck Active Member

    I used to detest Mother's Day, too. For an entirely different reason, but still...

    Sorry you didn't receive the consideration and acknowledgment you deserve. I will say it, then;

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  9. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    It's 10 pm in CA and no word from my son today. Not that I expected anything, but now it's official. On the other hand, my 32 yr old daughter who had Down syndrome, made me breakfast, presented me with a candy bar basket and a beautiful thoughtful card that she purchased on her own and we spent a lovely evening at the movies. For this, I am blessed.
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    First Mothers Day without anything from daughter wondering if it is a sign of things to come. Didnt get a birthday card either....she said i did not deserve it.....wish my own mother was here she always kept everyone in check.:fishbashsmile:
    My hubby just gave me a card that stated i was the glue that kept us all together....hmmmmm not feeling it.:noobiesmiley:


    Im in CA too and nothing from daughter.....I'm with you!:sorrysmiley:
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  12. Slimothy

    Slimothy It's so good to be here with you

    This was the first Mother's Day that I didn't hear from my daughter. I choked back the tears a few times and ended up thinking its for the greater good. I had let her know I was taking time out after all. All in all, I think I counted my blessings. I have not gone near face book either, and I stayed home so as not to see mothers and daughters out and about. We can honour ourselves and each other here
  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    FB reminds me of the old version before there were computers, The Christmas Brag Letter. Anyone else remember vomiting over those?

    I don't care much for FB for many reasons and now I rarely post or read. Two of my four kids quit Facebook. My sons attorney actually asked him about social media for his custody battle...he told him if he had social media, which he doesn't, that it's best to take it down.
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  14. so ready to live

    so ready to live Active Member

    True, Albatross. I acknowledge how crazy it is that I still want my son to know how much I love him regardless of "all the mess"
    Also noted at 10pm eastern time-no text no phone call....sad but not grieving.
    Ha-ha- Mother's day such a non-laughing matter to many of us. I did once see a Christmas brag letter format where you filled in the blank...ie. "Jimmy, our wonderful, tall, handsome, intelligent son traveled this yr to _________________ (Europe, rehab, prison....) " Little did I know this could become true in anyone's life, let alone mine....
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  15. Carri

    Carri Active Member

    I've heard FB referred to as FakeBook. I like that...
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  16. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    Social media doesn't make me feel that way. I don't get "down" by others' posts - I am glad there are adult children out there, doing well, contributing to society, loving and respecting their parents. I like to think I am one of them. ;)

    Unfortunately, that just isn't my situation right now. Just like people who are on vacation, are celebrating a success, buy a new car, etc. - I live vicariously through their posts because that isn't me right now. My turn will come. Maybe my turn will come with my daughter, too.

    I would much rather see those kind of positive, happy posts (even if they are a little exaggerated) than negative, attention seeking, dramatic, feel-sorry-for-me posts that make me wonder what has happened to humanity. You know - the kind my daughter writes. :frown:
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  17. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Mother's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, their birthdays, our birthdays, what-would-have-been-their-graduations....it's a whole bunch of days that are especially hard to get through.

    Mother's Day is one of the top ones, though. I submit to you all that we mothers here on this forum and all mothers everywhere who are struggling with DCs are....Supreme Givers of the Highest Order. That is why the pill is even more bitter to have to swallow, at Mother's Day.

    Looking back on the hardest times, I grieved on those days, profoundly (I am the Queen of Cinderella thinking, lol). My grief was my companion and somehow, someway, having that day, and many others, to grieve, moved me forward.

    Yes, it's a Hallmark, contrived kind of day. But I still like being remembered for being a really good Mom, at least one day of the year. I guess that's kind of me-focused, but hey!

    Warm hugs to every single one of the toughest, kindest, most faithful people in the world here on this forum---we Moms and Dads.
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    In my case, it was bittersweet... Bill did get me a gift, and we got a date night Saturday. Mom & Dad kept Rose overnight. Then Sunday we went to their house and Bill made us all Eggs Benedict. He makes good hollandaise.

    But... Not a word from Belle or Pat. Pat, I expected to be silent, as I am on his s*** list right now. Belle... Well, I was hoping for a text or something. I went out of my way to congratulate her on facebook on her first Mother's Day (as mom-to-be)... *MY* mother sent her a card. (I'm bad at cards.) Nothing. I know I shouldn't expect anything. I guess I got spoiled, last year she made me a card... She is a fantastic artist. And years in the past, she acknowledged.

    It shouldn't hurt so much. After all, Bill, my parents and Rose were there for me.
  19. Roxona

    Roxona Active Member

    Chiming in here late, but...I try not to have any expectations at any time. I've given up on waiting on people to appreciate me or make me feel happy. I'm very much a "do what makes me happy kind of person, and if anyone wants to join me, then fine. In fact, a friend of mine invited me over for a day of sewing. So, I grabbed some scones and she made some type of yummy African tea, and we spent the day just chatting and doing our thing. J called me to ask me why I left so quickly. Apparently, he had tried to run down the stairs to catch me to give me a Mother's Day hug. He gave me the hug when she did finally see me later that day.

    I ended up thoroughly enjoying the day, and when I got home there were flowers waiting for me from my husband and he was doing his best to make me dinner.

    I'm okay with this. It's a whole lot easier than setting myself up for happiness failure.