I think husband has a reading problem.

[gcvmom]

Why else would he not read anything for pleasure, and refuse to read directions for installing something like a garbage disposal?

It was funny but sad this afternoon watching husband try to install a new garbage disposal, enlisting difficult child 1's help. difficult child 1 is a methodical worker when it comes to assembling things. He reads and follows the directions and usually does a really good job. husband can't be bothered. And because he can't be bothered, he ends up getting stuck or frustrated because the job doesn't go smoothly. He ended up yelling at difficult child 1 a lot and so difficult child 1 quit helping and left the kitchen. I don't blame him one bit!

husband finally got the disposal installed and then wandered off leaving me to clean up the mess of items that needed to be re-stored under the sink as well as the old disposal unit that was left sitting on the counter. At least he did put his tools away.

I got the sink cleaned up and scoured and loaded the dishwasher. I found a few papers that came with the new disposal and glanced at one of them, noticing an important item that was flagged for installers to note in particular, and wondered if husband had even seen this paper.

About 20 minutes later, I learned the answer to that question.

husband is standing in front of the sink and the dishwasher is running. Suddenly the overflow valve for the dishwasher starts spewing hot soapy water into the sink, and husband asks "Is that supposed to be happening?" (because it never does happen). I instantly remembered the NOTE TO INSTALLERS paper and located it so I could have husband READ it. Seems he forgot to remove a knockout plug in disposal where the drain for the dishwasher connects. So basically the water had nowhere to go but out the overflow (thankfully THAT is installed correctly!). He gave me a very bemused look and said "So that means..." to which I replied, "You didn't read the directions like difficult child 1 was TRYING to do and now you have to fix this."

He's upstairs watching TV right now. I'm assuming he's going to wait until the dishwasher is finished running before tearing this all apart again. So maybe by NEXT weekend this will finally be fixed.

 

[TeDo]

Not sure it's as much of a reading issue as a "man" issue. I have several men in my family that are the same way and they are college grads (one's a teacher, another a minister).

 

[KTMom91]

Hubby HATES to read, because his hyperfocus requires him to read. every. single. little. word. He does really well at fixing and building without directions, thank goodness, or I'd be throwing many fits.

 

[Liahona]

Mine can read, but I can still see him doing exactly what yours did. He never reads directions. He assumes he can just "figure it out"

 

[gcvmom]

Well, he managed to get the plug out and reconnect the drain hose (and of course he couldn't be bothered with putting a bowl or bucket under the hose and there subsequently was water EVERYWHERE). So I'm wiping up the mess and discover that now the overflow hose for the dishwasher LEAKS. And the drain line to the sewer outlet LEAKS. And because he couldn't be bothered to replace the old sink flange and replace the putty that seals the flange to the sink and disposal, now the fiber gasket underneath is ALL WET and flange LEAKS. And as if this weren't sad ENOUGH, the electrical cord that he attached to the new unit? He didn't seat the metal fastener properly so the cord just hangs loosely from the bottom of the unit.

Looks like I'll be calling a plumber on Monday.

What really ticks me off is the inheritance $$ I got from my dad was going to be used to get a new kitchen, but instead went to pay credit cards trying to keep up with husband's spending. And now it's just about all gone.

So in 18 months, when our second pays off (the one we took out to build our addition 11 years ago), I'm ordering a new kitchen. And I don't give a rat's patootie if that means he has to take his pb&j lunch and eat Kraft mac-n-cheese dinner at home every single day of the rest of his life. I really don't.

 

[Lothlorien]

Some men are either able to do that kind of fix-it stuff or not. I wouldn't trust him to do any of that kind of stuff again. Call a handyman next time.

 

[susiestar]

I agree with Loth. Either call a handyman from now on or have difficult child 1 do it on his own when dad isn't there. Or get a book or directions online and do it yourself. Do you and husband ever see a therapist? I really think that the spending issues and this type of thing are something that you may need a therapist to help you work out - this is the kind of thing that builds up and wrecks families.

I am sorry this has been such an ordeal.

 

[DammitJanet]

Mine refuses to read instructions too for most things. Especially anything that has to be put together...lol. I do have to give him a semi pass though on reading because he has horrible reading comprehension skills. It takes him forever to read anything and sometimes he has to go over the same thing two or three or sometimes even 4 times to get it right. I could kill whoever didnt catch this when he was in school. Fact that he graduated from HS with B's is amazing.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Possibility of undiagnosed LDs and/or ADHD is pretty high... even now, specialists don't pick up on boys with ADD (i.e. not hyper, primarily inattentive) - back when these guys were kids? not a hope anyone noticed or helped.

Not necessarily the reading part... might read just fine (or not, as the case may be)... but could also be executive functions issues... planning, sequencing, organizing, etc.

Are you going to solve that NOW? YOU can't. He might be able to... if he really wants to pursue it. Got my husband from hardly-scanning-the-newspaper to taking a full-year post-secondary course. He now reads for pleasure, too. But he still has problems with following detailed written directions - and usually relies on either me or difficult child to manage the directions part for him.

 

[gcvmom]

Insane, it's absolutely his ADHD at work. Because he reads thousands of lines of code at work just fine. And the sports page. And... you get the idea. If he's engaged and interested, no problem reading. It's getting him to focus on stuff he'd rather not be reading that's impossible. His hearing works the same way.

He tinkered under the sink some more after I mentioned the various leaks and the electrical issue. And now he's telling me I'm being MEAN because I pointed out the problems.

Yup. Next time I'll hire a professional.

 

[keista]

he reads thousands of lines of code at work just fine

Had to laugh just a little. I really think it's a 'man' thing. Just tonight, son told me he remembered the code to one of his OLD games. it was a 20 character code with both capital an lowercase letters as well as numbers. He hasn't played this game for months. This from the kid who can't remember what chapter he's supposed to read for homework! Yeah, I think motivation is a big issue for guys accomplishing stuff.

 

[InsaneCdn]

Yeah, I think motivation is a big issue for guys accomplishing stuff.

NOT. As in, its NOT a guy thing.
That's the reality of being human.

Guess why I find it so difficult to come up with a really clean house?

 

[gcvmom]

Oh I know why I don't keep a clean house. It's because of all the other people who live here!

 

[gcvmom]

Keista, husband can remember how he played the 8th hole on a golf course he hasn't been to in 4 years, he can remember box scores from 1977, he can remember what an error code means for a program at work when woken up from a sound sleep at 2am, but he cannot remember how to get to his mother in law's house 15 miles from here that he's been to dozens of times over the last 23 years, or what I told him 10 minutes ago.

 

[KTMom91]

Hubby only hears about half of what I say, and interrupts me the other half. Then he wonders why we don't communicate...

 

[InsaneCdn]

Oh I know why I don't keep a clean house. It's because of all the other people who live here!

Wish I could say that... not that its just me, but... I'm definitely part of the problem.
(husband, on the other hand, would relate 250 x over with your statement!!!)

 

[Hound dog]

When he!! freezes over and I finally get my dishwasher...........husband is NOT going anywhere near it. It will be installed by professionals who can pay for damages done.

I learned on the simple task of replacing washers in the tub faucets. Wound up with new faucets that leaked worse than the old ones that just needed washers. Took him a year of paying MUCH too high of water bills to actually fix the darn thing the right way.

Why did he finally fix it? Because my bro during his visit was going to fix it, and sister in law was also trying to come fix it, then it became a macho thing to him. lol ugh

Yet, he built a beautiful door for our basement. Go figure. Not sure if this is because I told him if it wasn't done right the first time I'd kill him or not. But I think he felt the need to prove to me he actually can do this stuff when he isn't being mr lazy rear.

No. He never read instructions until he can't put it together right.

And when we get our new solid doors and our dead bolts.........professionals or sister in law will be installing them, not husband.

 

[hearts and roses]

It's a funny thing. When H is installing or constructing something that is of importance to HIM, he reads the instructions fully, sometimes twice. When he's doing something for me that he thinks is stupid, silly, or unimportant, seems he can't be bothered...and because it's such a silly thing, he believes it's simple....usually ending up having to do it twice!

 

[AnnieO]

My Dad reads the instructions, lays out tools and parts, follows each step, makes notes on the instructions, cleans up his mess and then files the instructions.

My Mom tossed out 20 years' worth of instructions for things they no longer had, last year.

Me? If I can't figure it out in about 5 minutes, I'll glance at the instructions. husband is a lot like that, too.

But... I never have leftover hardware... He does...

 

[Marcie Mac]

Don't you know that instructions that come with anything are for women who would tackle whatever job it is? SO or Danny, neither one of the read the installation papers. It just amazes me how many un-necessary parts the factory will put in a package - I hear "its done", go to inspect , look down and there are ALWAYS parts still left in a bag. When I ask "what are those" get poo poo'd, we didn't need them and I am forever going hmmmmmmm-have accumulated a hugh box of unopened parts. Danny is probably the worst - we end up arguing - hello, you need plumbers putty and plumbers tape when you are doing this -he still insists they are unnecessary when things just screw in - hense he is not allowed near plumbing anymore.

Right now he is miffed as I hired a contractor (brother in law to one of our close friends who does absolutely beautiful work) to redo the master bath. Danny does excellent work at tileing, but he is so NOT going to be moving any walls - I have seen his work with a sledge hammer after he decided he would take up the rug in the dining room and I ended up with half of a kitchen counter. Not to mention he works on what we all here call "Danny Time"-don't want to tell you how long it took him to tile the kitchen floor.

Plus I have a rule, no work on anything unless they are doing it during the time that Ace Hardware is open for business

Marcie