I think we may be having a breakthru

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DammitJanet, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I do believe for the first time in his life Cory is beginning to understand that HE is responsible for his actions!

    We had quite the long conversation today and he broke down and told me that he understood that HE screwed up and got himself in there...NO ONE ELSE. It was his actions alone. No one told him to go get those checks and write them. No one made him. He did it all on his own and it was a stupid, dumb, impulsive move that he will regret for the rest of his life.

    OMG!!! This is huge.

    He has never taken ownership of any of his stupid choices before. It was always someone elses fault...he was better than others, blah blah blah.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Well! I hope this breakthru moment sticks. :biggrin:
  3. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Wow! Keeping my fingers crossed that he is finally starting to figure things out! It's a start!
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    This is BIG!!!! Very <u>BIG</u>!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I am so happy for him! I will keep my fingers crossed this continues!
  5. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    Janet, please be careful here. I'm all for hoping Cory is finally buying a clue, but the cynical part of me says he might just be playing you like a church organ.

    Do be careful not to get dragged back into his stuff. Let him take his consequences.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    He has never before understood the cause and effect relationship. It was always someone elses fault. He was only in trouble because he got caught etc. He never could put it together that it was what he DID that was the problem, not that he got CAUGHT doing it.

    Now he has. Or yes, he could be just saying he has but he has never, ever been one to be able to make that kind of jump because he didnt even understand that concept.

    He has started to make very real and sound plans for not repeating these sort of actions again.
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Wow... that is huge. I remember when that moment happened for my difficult child so I know how you feel. If he can continue to believe this then hopefully he can learn how to make the changes he needs to make.
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    :smile: It really is an amazing step forward. My daughter is like your son, there is no way she would admit it was her fault even to get something she really wanted. Just wasn't in her.

    Way to go, Cory!!!! :bravo:
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Someone handed him a crayon...

    ...and he connected the dots!

    You know I'm praying big that he gets it this time.
  10. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    As I tell Rob, "It is easy to talk the talk...now prove it and walk the walk."

  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I too will pray Cory truly gets it this time.

    Thinking of you,
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You know, too, in the past it may have just been too hard for him to admit his fault. Owning up to our mistakes can be hard.

    In any case, this is progress. I hope it sticks.
  13. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Frankly, he is sitting in jail, has nothing to do all day but sit around thinking about his predicament.....if he was "out" I think he would be off trying to distract himself from his life so I wouldn't put much stock in his breakthru....I only hope I am wrong and will happily apologize if that is the case, but I've been down this road too many times....
  14. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    I must be of that cynical blood also :devil:

    somehow, sitting in jail with not alot to do and people asking "whater you inherefer?" doesn't take a rocket scientist to get that "I shouldn't have done that".

    don't get me wrong...I think this a huge moment for him, it's truly a lightening striking on the head moment....it's just it's a little late and a dollar short.

    If he gets probation, let's see if he complies with all his stuff without you prodding him. If he gets time, let's see him use that to the best of his ability.

    And believe me, it's not just Cory that thinks like this, it could be any one of our difficult child's.

    For you Janet, I'm so happy that he acknowledged his guilt to you. That at the very least is something that you taught him and he is manning up to the situation.
  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I truly hope that you are right and that this is a big breakthrough for your difficult child. I'm just worried that he is just telling you what he knows that you want to hear.

    My difficult child always knew the right thing to say. She just didn't follow up with actions that matched the words.

    I guess the cynic in me is worried that Cory is just showing that difficult child trait that we all know and love ~ manipulativeness.

    Crossing my fingers for the best.

  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    See...the reason this is a big breakthru is that he has never been able to come to this point before in any of the former years of therapy he has gone through. Countless months and years of sitting in peoples offices, months of being locked away in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, people trying to get him to tell him what he was supposed to be saying and feeling and he still didnt get it at all.

    It was always the fact that he got caught that was the problem. It was never that what he did was wrong, it was the getting caught that was the big deal. If so and so hadnt called the cops on him or if he hadnt gotten pulled over at a check point, if blah blah blah, then he wouldnt have been in trouble.

    It was never...If I, Cory, hadnt stolen, screwed up my license, taken things that werent mine, lied, etc, then I wouldnt be in the predicament I am in today.

    Do you see the huge difference?
  17. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Looking for an update Janet. Hope things are going well.
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Progress int the right direction! I hope it continues. -RM